offensive jokes *giggles* (house, punk, quote, band, suicide)

.angie. · 11-08-2005, 11:29 PM

ICKY! That's just.. eww!

Merkaba · 11-09-2005, 12:08 AM

I didn't do it

~~[MERIT]~~ · 11-09-2005, 08:00 AM

how bout this:
why do all black people have nightmares?
cuz we shot the only one that ever had a dream.

riseagainstrocks · 11-09-2005, 02:01 PM

what was the only thing missing from the million man march?

an auctioneer

Why don't women need watches?

there is a clock right on top of the stove

What do you call the Equal Rights Movement?

pointless

anticipation · 11-09-2005, 02:29 PM

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

riseagainstrocks · 11-09-2005, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gentleman Johnny

man next door shot himself."

that is the best part.

what do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

slap her

Ginny · 11-09-2005, 08:28 PM

A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

"You son of a bitch" says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

"Oh my god, I am going to kill you" says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. "No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time". He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."

(=

Oh no. Someone already posted it. )=

~~[MERIT]~~ · 11-10-2005, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ginny

A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

"You son of a bitch" says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

"Oh my god, I am going to kill you" says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. "No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time". He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."

(=

Oh no. Someone already posted it. )=

i absolutely HATE dead baby jokes. thumbs up on the offensiveness

crimepartner · 11-10-2005, 01:54 PM

why did so many black people die in vietnam?

because when people said get down they all started dancing

HomesickAtSpaceCamp · 11-10-2005, 02:19 PM

Two *** men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, and then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by and to the ***s' delight she points out the happy child as theirs.

"Isn't it wonderful?" one dad says to the other. "All these unhappy children and ours is so happy."

The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now. But just watch what happens when we take the pacifier out of his ass."

11-08-2005, 11:29 PM	#41 (permalink)
.angie. contrast&compare. Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 661	ICKY! That's just.. eww! __________________ Jesus Christ, I'm alone again, so what did you do those three days you were dead?

11-09-2005, 12:08 AM	#42 (permalink)
Merkaba Whitewater! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: New Zealand Posts: 2,885	I didn't do it __________________ She thinks I'm a reclusive genius, she's going to be very disappointed when she finds out i'm a reclusive wanker

11-09-2005, 02:01 PM	#44 (permalink)
riseagainstrocks Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: DC Posts: 3,320	what was the only thing missing from the million man march? an auctioneer Why don't women need watches? there is a clock right on top of the stove What do you call the Equal Rights Movement? pointless __________________ One note timeless, came out of nowhere...

11-09-2005, 08:28 PM	#47 (permalink)
Ginny Nossey Hoe Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Mississippi Posts: 54	A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump. "You son of a bitch" says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor. "Oh my god, I am going to kill you" says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. "No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time". He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead." (= Oh no. Someone already posted it. )= __________________ I'm on my knees, and so are you Unfortunately for the wrong reasons. Weebles wobble but they don't fall down! Audioscrobbler

11-10-2005, 01:54 PM	#49 (permalink)
crimepartner perfect hugging size Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: in the hearts of millions Posts: 171	why did so many black people die in vietnam? because when people said get down they all started dancing __________________ put that on your biscuits! Squeeze me ma-ac-a-ro-ni... slap your face with my balo-ni....

11-09-2005, 08:00 AM	#43 (permalink)
~~[MERIT]~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Missouri, USA Posts: 4,814	how bout this: why do all black people have nightmares? cuz we shot the only one that ever had a dream.

11-09-2005, 02:29 PM	#45 (permalink)
anticipation Music Addict Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 3,565	How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

11-10-2005, 02:19 PM	#50 (permalink)
HomesickAtSpaceCamp Queen Of Hearts Join Date: May 2005 Location: In A House Posts: 28	Two * men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, and then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by and to the *s' delight she points out the happy child as theirs. "Isn't it wonderful?" one dad says to the other. "All these unhappy children and ours is so happy." The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now. But just watch what happens when we take the pacifier out of his ass." __________________ Somewhere in Texas a village is missing their idiot. HAHAHA.......... I don't get it.