offensive jokes *giggles* (country, house, rock, American, African)

Alo · 07-05-2006, 02:42 AM

Ah come on, a joke is a joke, as if black people would even be offensed by it! Are there any on MB, I'd like an opinion.

TrampInaTux · 07-05-2006, 03:00 AM

What was hiu's other account called?

MURDER JUNKIE · 07-05-2006, 03:01 AM

RazorsintheNight

gabbagabba_hey · 07-05-2006, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBig3KilledMyRainDog

Banned

but why?
after all this is called "offensive jokes"

TrampInaTux · 07-05-2006, 03:10 PM

Yeah so erm....offensive jokes are a bitch, aren't they?

right-track · 07-05-2006, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hobojesus

Yeah so erm....offensive jokes are a bitch, aren't they?

MURDER JUNKIE · 07-06-2006, 11:07 AM

The wife came home early to find her husband making love to a beautiful sexy young woman.

"You unfaithful, disrespectful jerk! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving this house and I want a divorce!"

The husband, replied, "Wait! Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least listen to what happened."

"It'll be the last thing I will hear from you so make it fast, you cheating creep."

"While driving home this young lady asked for a ride. I saw her so defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her into my car. I noticed she was very thin, not well dressed and dirty. She mentioned she had not eaten for three days. Out of compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain more weight. When I served them to her, the poor young thing, practically inhaled them. Since she was dirty I asked her if she'd like to bathe. While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were worn-out and full of holes so I threw them away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you no longer wear because they're too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you won't wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair.

After she dressed, I walked the young woman to the door where she turned around and with tears of gratitude streaming down her cheeks, she asked me, "Sir, do you have anything else your wife doesn't use"?

MURDER JUNKIE · 07-06-2006, 11:08 AM

An Irish daughter left her home for over 5 years.

Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath).... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and...

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" the puzzled dad asks.

Girl, crying and sniffing again, "A prostitute dad!" Sniff, sniff

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"

MURDER JUNKIE · 07-06-2006, 11:10 AM

A black man and his son are on an airplane going across the ocean when they hear the captain's voice coming over the speakers.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some bad news. One of our engines has gone out. We still have 3 working fine, but in order to make it across the ocean, we will have to dump all the luggage.

It will be picked up by boats and returned to the airport where you can pick it up. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Well, then about 15 minutes later, the captain comes on again. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some more bad news.

We just lost another engine. Since we already dumped the luggage, we will now have to drop people.

You will be given floating devices and will be picked up immediately by a boat and taken safely to shore.

To be fair, we will do this in alphabetical order. 'A' is for African American. All African Americans, please raise your hands.

Well, hearing! this, the little black boy started to raise his hand. His father pushed his hand down and said, "No son, keep it down!"

When no one raised their hands, the captain said, "Okay, fine, let's move on to the letter 'B'. 'B' is for black. All blacks, raise your hands."

Again, the little black boy starts to raise his hand, and his father stops him again.

The captain comes on once more, and says, "Well then, I guess we'll move on to 'C'. 'C' is for Colored. All colored people, raise your hands." The little black boy starts to raise his hand, and his father pushes it down and tells him no.

"But dad!" he says, "We are African American, we are black, and we are also called colored. Why won't you let me raise my hand?" His father says, "No son, today, we is ******s. Those Mexicans are going before us!"

MURDER JUNKIE · 07-06-2006, 11:15 AM

Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.

To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing 'Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!"

"YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.

The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general.

"Ah, that's nothing," says the Admiral, "Seaman!" A seaman appears, "YES, SIR!!" "Take this weapon," as he offers him an M14, "Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing 'Anchors Aweigh.' Salute each of us, and jump off.

"YES SIR!" replies the seaman. He sprints for the flagpole with the weapon high over his head, and completes the task perfectly.

"Now that's courage!" says the admiral.

"Courage, nothin'" snorts the Army general. "Get over here, private!"

"YES SIR!" replies the private.

"Put on full combat gear, load your rucksack with these rocks, scale that flagpole, come to attention, present arms, and sing the National Anthem, salute each of us, and then climb back down, head first."

"YES SIR!!" replies the private, and completes the task.

"Now that is a brave man! Beat that!!"

They all look to the Marine. "Private," he says.

"YES SIR!"

"Put on full combat gear. Put these two dogs in your pack. Using only one hand, climb that flagpole. At the top, sing 'The Halls of Montezuma', put your knife in your teeth, and dive off, headfirst."

The private snaps to attention, looks at the general and says, "F*ck YOU SIR!"

The general turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S bravery!"

07-05-2006, 02:42 AM	#361 (permalink)
Alo Scarf Join Date: May 2006 Location: Brighton, UK Posts: 715	Ah come on, a joke is a joke, as if black people would even be offensed by it! Are there any on MB, I'd like an opinion. __________________ I rocked my shoelaces untied

07-05-2006, 03:00 AM	#362 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	What was hiu's other account called?

07-05-2006, 03:01 AM	#363 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	RazorsintheNight

07-05-2006, 03:10 PM	#365 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Yeah so erm....offensive jokes are a bitch, aren't they?

07-06-2006, 11:07 AM	#367 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	The wife came home early to find her husband making love to a beautiful sexy young woman. "You unfaithful, disrespectful jerk! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving this house and I want a divorce!" The husband, replied, "Wait! Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least listen to what happened." "It'll be the last thing I will hear from you so make it fast, you cheating creep." "While driving home this young lady asked for a ride. I saw her so defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her into my car. I noticed she was very thin, not well dressed and dirty. She mentioned she had not eaten for three days. Out of compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain more weight. When I served them to her, the poor young thing, practically inhaled them. Since she was dirty I asked her if she'd like to bathe. While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were worn-out and full of holes so I threw them away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you no longer wear because they're too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you won't wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair. After she dressed, I walked the young woman to the door where she turned around and with tears of gratitude streaming down her cheeks, she asked me, "Sir, do you have anything else your wife doesn't use"?

07-06-2006, 11:08 AM	#368 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	An Irish daughter left her home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath).... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and... "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" the puzzled dad asks. Girl, crying and sniffing again, "A prostitute dad!" Sniff, sniff "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"

07-06-2006, 11:10 AM	#369 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	A black man and his son are on an airplane going across the ocean when they hear the captain's voice coming over the speakers. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some bad news. One of our engines has gone out. We still have 3 working fine, but in order to make it across the ocean, we will have to dump all the luggage. It will be picked up by boats and returned to the airport where you can pick it up. Sorry for the inconvenience. Well, then about 15 minutes later, the captain comes on again. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some more bad news. We just lost another engine. Since we already dumped the luggage, we will now have to drop people. You will be given floating devices and will be picked up immediately by a boat and taken safely to shore. To be fair, we will do this in alphabetical order. 'A' is for African American. All African Americans, please raise your hands. Well, hearing! this, the little black boy started to raise his hand. His father pushed his hand down and said, "No son, keep it down!" When no one raised their hands, the captain said, "Okay, fine, let's move on to the letter 'B'. 'B' is for black. All blacks, raise your hands." Again, the little black boy starts to raise his hand, and his father stops him again. The captain comes on once more, and says, "Well then, I guess we'll move on to 'C'. 'C' is for Colored. All colored people, raise your hands." The little black boy starts to raise his hand, and his father pushes it down and tells him no. "But dad!" he says, "We are African American, we are black, and we are also called colored. Why won't you let me raise my hand?" His father says, "No son, today, we is ******s. Those Mexicans are going before us!"

07-06-2006, 11:15 AM	#370 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest. To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing 'Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!" "YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention. The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general. "Ah, that's nothing," says the Admiral, "Seaman!" A seaman appears, "YES, SIR!!" "Take this weapon," as he offers him an M14, "Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing 'Anchors Aweigh.' Salute each of us, and jump off. "YES SIR!" replies the seaman. He sprints for the flagpole with the weapon high over his head, and completes the task perfectly. "Now that's courage!" says the admiral. "Courage, nothin'" snorts the Army general. "Get over here, private!" "YES SIR!" replies the private. "Put on full combat gear, load your rucksack with these rocks, scale that flagpole, come to attention, present arms, and sing the National Anthem, salute each of us, and then climb back down, head first." "YES SIR!!" replies the private, and completes the task. "Now that is a brave man! Beat that!!" They all look to the Marine. "Private," he says. "YES SIR!" "Put on full combat gear. Put these two dogs in your pack. Using only one hand, climb that flagpole. At the top, sing 'The Halls of Montezuma', put your knife in your teeth, and dive off, headfirst." The private snaps to attention, looks at the general and says, "F*ck YOU SIR!" The general turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S bravery!"