offensive jokes *giggles* (punk, Micheal Jackson, quote, band, Sousaphone)

~~[MERIT]~~ · 11-01-2005, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe

*someone replies with a "your mom" comeback*

keep my mama out of this...and i'll keep this out of your mama!"

*points to crotch and does pelvic thrust*

thats great

TheBig3 · 11-01-2005, 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Urban Hatemonger

8. You fancy a night in watching something funny on TV. What kind of comedy do you choose?
(a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted.
(b) A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or the Fast show.
(c) A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive lounge where the audience whoops for ten minutes every time an overpaid actor with a superglued grin on his face makes an entrance to deliver a lightweight wisecrack.

Whats this in reference to?

DontRunMeOver · 11-01-2005, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBig3KilledMyRainDog

Whats this in reference to?

You probably won't get an answer to that. I have my own question about the same post. Am I the only one who fails to find 'comedy' lists funny? They're just a long line of unfunny, half-jokes which somebody has hoped will become funny by the sheer volume of attempts (For example those 'You know you're a Redneck if...' lists.)

You know you're a Loser if
1. You think lists are a valid form of entertainment.
2. That's it.

DontRunMeOver · 11-01-2005, 08:53 AM

Here's a joke I just made up, its not that offensive but its BRAND NEW!

Q. Why didn't the baker employ any black people?
A. Because he was bread-udiced.

DontRunMeOver · 11-01-2005, 08:59 AM

And here's an offensive (if you get it) chat up line that my friend used the other night, on a girl who was wearing a necklace made of pearl-shaped beads - the girl didn't clock on to what he was saying though

F. Who gave you that Pearl Necklace? Was it a male friend?
G. I bought it for myself, it cost £10.
F. Well, if you want I can give you one for free later...

Slang can be a wonderful thing - and if you don't know what 'pearl necklace' means then google it, but be careful for those pop-ups.

Fenixpunk · 11-01-2005, 09:40 AM

whats the perfect gift for a dead baby?
a dead puppy

whats warm, bloody, and crawls up your leg?
a homesick abortion

what do vegetarian worms eat?
Linda McCartney

how do you get a man to eat shit?
wipe forward

what is the most common pick up line used by black guys?
scream bitch and ill kill you.

DontRunMeOver · 11-01-2005, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Q:how do you make a dead babie float
A: some root beer and three scoops of dead babies

one day at a hospital a woman gave birth to a babie and as soon as it came out the doctor grabbed it and pretended to trip and dropped it out the window . so the woman screamed "WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!!" and the doctor replied "just kidding it was already dead"

What do you say to a black man in a three piece suit?
Will the defendant please rise

whats warm, bloody, and crawls up your leg?
a homesick abortion

what do vegetarian worms eat?
Linda McCartney

Those jokes are all awesome. You should check out EmoChick's jokes. They worry me a bit - it reminds me of the jokes which people in mental hospitals are meant to tell. One's like...

Why did the prostitute not complain when I left without paying her.
Because she was dead.

There's offensive and then there's just worrying.

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe · 11-01-2005, 09:51 AM

this may be offensive to you of the fairer sex....but its just a joke.

ok...so why did the woman cross the road?

i think the realy question is..."why is she out of the kitchen?"

Fenixpunk · 11-01-2005, 10:15 AM

Fenixpunk · 11-01-2005, 10:25 AM

what do you say to a Perto Rican business executive?
Ill take a dime bag.

how can you tell which is the Irish man at the hospital?
hes the one blowing foam off his bedpan.

why do they play sports on artificiall turf in Poland?
to keep the cheerleaders from grazing.

how do you make italian sausage?
from retarded pigs.

what do necrophiliacs and alcoholics have in common?
the urge to pop a cold one.

what is the differance between a Polish woman and Bigfoot?
one is six feet tall, dirty, hairy, and smelly. and the other has really big feet.

what do women and kentucky fried chicken have in common?
when your done with the breast and thighs, youve still got a greasy box to stick your bone in.

11-01-2005, 09:40 AM	#26 (permalink)
Fenixpunk The Erroneous Hoodlum Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: West Side Phoenix Posts: 2,057	whats the perfect gift for a dead baby? a dead puppy whats warm, bloody, and crawls up your leg? a homesick abortion what do vegetarian worms eat? Linda McCartney how do you get a man to eat shit? wipe forward what is the most common pick up line used by black guys? scream bitch and ill kill you. __________________ This message has been approved by Shawn Erroneous - The Declaimed

11-01-2005, 10:15 AM	#29 (permalink)
Fenixpunk The Erroneous Hoodlum Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: West Side Phoenix Posts: 2,057	__________________ This message has been approved by Shawn Erroneous - The Declaimed

11-01-2005, 10:25 AM	#30 (permalink)
Fenixpunk The Erroneous Hoodlum Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: West Side Phoenix Posts: 2,057	what do you say to a Perto Rican business executive? Ill take a dime bag. how can you tell which is the Irish man at the hospital? hes the one blowing foam off his bedpan. why do they play sports on artificiall turf in Poland? to keep the cheerleaders from grazing. how do you make italian sausage? from retarded pigs. what do necrophiliacs and alcoholics have in common? the urge to pop a cold one. what is the differance between a Polish woman and Bigfoot? one is six feet tall, dirty, hairy, and smelly. and the other has really big feet. what do women and kentucky fried chicken have in common? when your done with the breast and thighs, youve still got a greasy box to stick your bone in. __________________ This message has been approved by Shawn Erroneous - The Declaimed

11-01-2005, 08:53 AM	#24 (permalink)
DontRunMeOver They call me Tundra Boy Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: In your linen cupboard. Posts: 1,166	Here's a joke I just made up, its not that offensive but its BRAND NEW! Q. Why didn't the baker employ any black people? A. Because he was bread-udiced.

11-01-2005, 08:59 AM	#25 (permalink)
DontRunMeOver They call me Tundra Boy Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: In your linen cupboard. Posts: 1,166	And here's an offensive (if you get it) chat up line that my friend used the other night, on a girl who was wearing a necklace made of pearl-shaped beads - the girl didn't clock on to what he was saying though F. Who gave you that Pearl Necklace? Was it a male friend? G. I bought it for myself, it cost £10. F. Well, if you want I can give you one for free later... Slang can be a wonderful thing - and if you don't know what 'pearl necklace' means then google it, but be careful for those pop-ups.