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03-20-2006, 06:24 PM | #171 (permalink) | |
Here's lookin at you, kid
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: The White Hotel
Posts: 366
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03-20-2006, 06:41 PM | #172 (permalink) | |
Bright F*cking Red
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: San Diego
Posts: 2,222
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ok so maybe this is the "offensive jokes" thread, but that joke was made in horrlble taste. what happened during world war two wasnt a joking matter. and besides, that joke has been done so many times that its not even funny any more.
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How'd I end up here to begin with? I don't know. Why do I start what I can't finish? Oh please, don't barrage me with questions to all those ugly answers. My ego's like my stomach- it keeps shitting what I feed it. But maybe I don't want to finish anything anymore.. maybe I can wait in bed 'til she comes home. and whispers.... Quote:
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03-22-2006, 12:01 AM | #174 (permalink) |
The Wetter The Better!!
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada
Posts: 2,504
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First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body. "For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth." Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my Index finger. Now learn to pay attention." |
03-22-2006, 12:09 AM | #176 (permalink) | |
isfckingdead
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 18,967
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03-22-2006, 01:00 AM | #177 (permalink) | ||
Bright F*cking Red
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: San Diego
Posts: 2,222
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Quote:
__________________
How'd I end up here to begin with? I don't know. Why do I start what I can't finish? Oh please, don't barrage me with questions to all those ugly answers. My ego's like my stomach- it keeps shitting what I feed it. But maybe I don't want to finish anything anymore.. maybe I can wait in bed 'til she comes home. and whispers.... Quote:
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03-27-2006, 05:14 AM | #178 (permalink) |
The Wetter The Better!!
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada
Posts: 2,504
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One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin,placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" |
03-30-2006, 01:34 PM | #180 (permalink) |
Music Addict
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 95
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what do and g ay man with amnesia have in common with a magazine??
they both come out every week!!!! hahahahahahahahahahaha
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