offensive jokes *giggles* (dancing, dance, punk, Kiss, show)

MURDER JUNKIE · 01-27-2006, 01:12 AM

Do you know how the Limbo was invented??

A Jew trying to get into a pay toilet

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe · 01-27-2006, 01:15 AM

Ten Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman:

10: A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.

9: Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices.

8: A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.

7: A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.

6: You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.

5: A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it.

4: When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.

3: A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.

2: A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.

1: A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

Urban Hat€monger ? · 01-27-2006, 01:43 AM

How many women does it take to change a kitchen lightbulb

None , let the bitch cook in the dark

MURDER JUNKIE · 01-27-2006, 02:04 AM

Why does a bride wear white???

To match the appliances

explosions-in-my-pants · 01-27-2006, 02:34 AM

tommy, and sara are walking down the street talking about random things that jr.high kids talk about. when tommy get a intresting idea.

tommy: sara want to go to your house?
sara: no tommy you know i can't have boys over
tommy: please sara please?
sara: alright but only in the porch

then in the house just standing there..

tommy: sara we should go up stairs
sara: i can't have boy's up stairs
tommy: please! sara please?
sara: fine but only in the hall way

now in the hall way while tommy looks around

tommy: we should go in your room
sara: no, my God! i can't have boy's in my room
tommy: please! sarah please!
sara: fine

now in sara's room sitting there... tommy jumps up fast with a idea!

tommy: sara we should take off our clothes
sara: NO! tommy are you crazy i can't see a boy naked, its wrong
tommy: please sara please
sara: fine tommy! but nothings going to happen

tommy: sara we should get under the covers in your bed
sara: no tommy i can't be in the bed with a boy, i'll get in trouble
tommy: please sara please
sara: fine tommy!

tommy: sara can i poke my finger in your belly button?
sara: no tommy, no
tommy: pleaes sara please
sara: fine!

sara: ah tommy thats not my belly button
tommy: surprise surprise thats not my finger

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe · 01-27-2006, 02:35 AM

that one was pretty predictable.

explosions-in-my-pants · 01-27-2006, 02:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe

that one was pretty predictable.

i know but out of all the jokes i've hear dover the years thats the only one i remember..

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe · 01-27-2006, 02:43 AM

A Jewish man, a Roman Catholic man, and a Mormon man were chatting one day and the subject of family size came up. The Jewish man said, "My wife just gave birth, now I have enough for a basketball team."

The Roman Catholic responded, "With the recent addition to our family I now have enough for a baseball team!"

To which the Mormon man retorted, "When I marry my next wife I'll have enough for a golf course."

Murphy's Law · 01-27-2006, 01:40 PM

How many men does it take to open a beer can?
None, it should be open when your bitch gives it to you!

how do you stop a black man from drowning?
Take your foot of his head!

how do stop a black man from drowning?
shoot him before he hits the water!

a plane is flying along normally until one of the engines blows out and its sent plunging towards the ground. A woman realising that this is her last chance to have sex before she dies, gets up and asks"who here can make me feel like a real woman one last time?" at this point everyone just stares at her in silence. The woman begins to scream and yell" WHO HERE WILL MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A REAL WOMAN ONE LAST TIME!!!!" At this point a man jumps out of his seat, tears off his shirt and says" HERE IRON THIS!!!!"

MURDER JUNKIE · 02-10-2006, 11:52 AM

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss here. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.

"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.

When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening." You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life."

01-27-2006, 01:43 AM	#133 (permalink)
Urban Hat€monger ? The Sexual Intellectual Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Somewhere cooler than you Posts: 18,605	How many women does it take to change a kitchen lightbulb None , let the bitch cook in the dark __________________ Urb's RYM Stuff Most people sell their soul to the devil, but the devil sells his soul to Nick Cave.

01-27-2006, 01:12 AM	#131 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	Do you know how the Limbo was invented?? A Jew trying to get into a pay toilet

01-27-2006, 02:04 AM	#134 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	Why does a bride wear white??? To match the appliances

01-27-2006, 02:34 AM	#135 (permalink)
explosions-in-my-pants angel of tragic days Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 924	tommy, and sara are walking down the street talking about random things that jr.high kids talk about. when tommy get a intresting idea. tommy: sara want to go to your house? sara: no tommy you know i can't have boys over tommy: please sara please? sara: alright but only in the porch then in the house just standing there.. tommy: sara we should go up stairs sara: i can't have boy's up stairs tommy: please! sara please? sara: fine but only in the hall way now in the hall way while tommy looks around tommy: we should go in your room sara: no, my God! i can't have boy's in my room tommy: please! sarah please! sara: fine now in sara's room sitting there... tommy jumps up fast with a idea! tommy: sara we should take off our clothes sara: NO! tommy are you crazy i can't see a boy naked, its wrong tommy: please sara please sara: fine tommy! but nothings going to happen tommy: sara we should get under the covers in your bed sara: no tommy i can't be in the bed with a boy, i'll get in trouble tommy: please sara please sara: fine tommy! tommy: sara can i poke my finger in your belly button? sara: no tommy, no tommy: pleaes sara please sara: fine! sara: ah tommy thats not my belly button tommy: surprise surprise thats not my finger

01-27-2006, 01:40 PM	#139 (permalink)
Murphy's Law Groupie Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Im Irish, we can be everywhere Posts: 25	How many men does it take to open a beer can? None, it should be open when your bitch gives it to you! how do you stop a black man from drowning? Take your foot of his head! how do stop a black man from drowning? shoot him before he hits the water! a plane is flying along normally until one of the engines blows out and its sent plunging towards the ground. A woman realising that this is her last chance to have sex before she dies, gets up and asks"who here can make me feel like a real woman one last time?" at this point everyone just stares at her in silence. The woman begins to scream and yell" WHO HERE WILL MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A REAL WOMAN ONE LAST TIME!!!!" At this point a man jumps out of his seat, tears off his shirt and says" HERE IRON THIS!!!!"

02-10-2006, 11:52 AM	#140 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss here. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening." You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life."