The Music Banter Members' Journals Monthly Update Thread

[Trollheart]

Originally Posted by Kiiii

Well now I just feel bad for saying something. Sorry TH.

No, don't feel bad, mate. It didn't take much to kickstart me so you probably helped in the long run.

Originally Posted by Qwertyy

x2. my grand mother turns 70 this year and while i hope she'll see 80 and beyond, you never really know how things will go. she's easily the most important person (or family member at the very least) in my life, and ive been closer to her than i am with my parents or siblings since as far back as i can remember. honestly not sure if i'll be able to handle it the day that she goes, i nearly tear up anytime she mentions "after im gone."

Originally Posted by The Batlord

****, man. I know nothing about this kind of thing, but I hope for the best. I'm becoming ever more paranoid about my beloved grandmother dying sooner rather than later and I imagine it's comparable. Will kill me when it happens.

I suppose in some ways I've been (and I use the word in its loosest connection) lucky, in that I've seen death before. I've had to stand at my ma's bedside while she breathed her last, I've seen two aunts die, and although it's nowhere near the same (but it kind of is) I've had to be present at the putting to sleep of three of my cats, so I know what it's like to see someone face death (you think a cat don't know when you're having him or her put down? You ever seen that little trusting face look up at you with a look that says "Why? What did I do?" even though you know this is the only way you can end their pain and give them peace?) and added to that, it's not as if she has had a stroke at 80 or something unexpected. I mean, who lives to 100? But no matter what, it's bloody hard. You convince yourself "Ah she's grand. Had a few falls but always bounces back. Buy and sell ya. She'll bury us all. A few more years, no need to worry yet" and yet, in the back of your mind, a small sharp voice is telling you to man the **** up because this is going to happen and you had better be ready for it.

Except you never are. Even with, at this point really, close to a month's notice, I'm still not ready. I don't want to be ready. I don't want this to happen. I want a miracle. I want there to be a God who can save my aunt and give her even a few more months, but I know that's unlikely. This is it. We've reached, almost certainly, the end of the road and it's only a matter of time now. How long do we want her to hang on? How selfish are we? If she's in pain, and even if she were to survive and would end up in a nursing home, do we want that? Would she? These are all the thoughts that go through your head when you can't sleep at 5am, and they're not good ones.

But seriously, being able to talk to and share with you guys is great, so thanks again. Didn't mean to be so dramatic; I'm sure people have bigger worries. But is is very much appreciated, you should all know that.