No, don't feel bad, mate. It didn't take much to kickstart me so you probably helped in the long run.
I suppose in some ways I've been (and I use the word in its loosest connection) lucky, in that I've seen death before. I've had to stand at my ma's bedside while she breathed her last, I've seen two aunts die, and although it's nowhere near the same (but it kind of is) I've had to be present at the putting to sleep of three of my cats, so I know what it's like to see someone face death (you think a cat don't know when you're having him or her put down? You ever seen that little trusting face look up at you with a look that says "Why? What did I do?" even though you know this is the only way you can end their pain and give them peace?) and added to that, it's not as if she has had a stroke at 80 or something unexpected. I mean, who lives to 100? But no matter what, it's bloody hard. You convince yourself "Ah she's grand. Had a few falls but always bounces back. Buy and sell ya. She'll bury us all. A few more years, no need to worry yet" and yet, in the back of your mind, a small sharp voice is telling you to man the **** up because this is going to happen and you had better be ready for it.

Except you never are. Even with, at this point really, close to a month's notice, I'm still not ready. I don't want to be ready. I don't want this to happen. I want a miracle. I want there to be a God who can save my aunt and give her even a few more months, but I know that's unlikely. This is it. We've reached, almost certainly, the end of the road and it's only a matter of time now. How long do we want her to hang on? How selfish are we? If she's in pain, and even if she were to survive and would end up in a nursing home, do we want that? Would she? These are all the thoughts that go through your head when you can't sleep at 5am, and they're not good ones.

But seriously, being able to talk to and share with you guys is great, so thanks again. Didn't mean to be so dramatic; I'm sure people have bigger worries. But is is very much appreciated, you should all know that.

Is this the grandma/aunt appreciation thread?
Because I'm all in.
While I have a pretty great relationship with my parents, my grandmother is the person in my family I can relate most to and she is just an all around amazing, smart and cool person.
Good health to all of your grandmas/aunts.

My great grandmother died last year but she was always kind of a bitch. You can tell your grandmas that I said they're bitches too.

Totally warranted post.

My paternal grandmother was the nicest person I ever knew, and my maternal grandmother was a musician and had a good sense of hhumor. They had very different personalities, but the one thing they had in common they were both very loving and caring. They're both gone now.

Too bad you never met them, they would had killed you with kindness.

I'll jump in on those Grandmother fest.
Even though my grandmother is hard to deal with and most people can't hang because they are super soft. She always has my back and I have hears. I feel like I'm the only person that can hang with her because instead of just taking her insults on the chin and getting quietly angry about it. I dish it back out and she appreciates it that I go toe to toe with her instead of just taking it and then talking **** about her behind her back. She's also the only one in my extended family that I would willingly just give money to. She is always looking out for everyone else but no one has her back financially like she does for them. I always tell her that I'm the only grandson she has because all the other grandchildren are a piece of **** in comparison.

I don't mean to laugh at you, but the way you put that still sounds hilarious. :laughing:

No update today?

-__-

Have you not been paying attention?

I'm not sure I understand.