The Music Banter Members' Journals Monthly Update Thread

[The Batlord]

Or if you can't find a smaller size/are too lazy to resize it/don't want to use a smaller pic, then just put it in spoiler tags.

[Neapolitan]

Originally Posted by Trollheart

A small note of advice:

While it's truly great to see the Journal section hopping again, I have noticed that some people don't seem aware of one important point. If you link to a large picture, or post one, the text follows that picture, often off the screen, so that it may not be possible to read it all without scrolling right all the time. This is annoying and may cause people not to bother reading your articles.

Can everyone just think about maybe either linking to a smaller picture, or if they can't find one and really want the big one, save it, resize it, upload it and then link to it? If you use the "preview post" feature when writing your articles (which I'm sure we all do) you can see quite clearly if an oversize picture is pushing your text beyond the limits of the page.

Don't worry: I'm not perfect. I've done it too and had to go back and amend the picture. Of course, you're not under any obligation to do this, but it can definitely ruin the experience when someone tries to get past a huge picture to see the rest of what you wrote, then back left then right and so on: I'm sure it would get frustrating.

I may add this to my Journal Guide, but for now just wanted to put it out there, so that those to whom this is happening can consider it.

Thanks

Sites like Tinypic has options where you can choose the size when you up load it and it provides tags to copy & paste too. The size for message boards is 640 x 480 pix. You can also choose to upload from your computer or from online with a url.
This is what Urb's pic looks like resized for Message Boards.

[Trollheart]

Indeed. There are many ways for people to avoid ths problem. It's just a pity that some either are not aware of it or do not know how to avoid it, because it really can screw up an otherwise decent entry in someone's journal. Hopefully all this advice will get taken onboard where it needs to be, and we'll see less of the mega-huge-pictures...

[Black Francis]

Have i done that Trollheart? i often post pics in my journal without obstructing the text.. at least on my end it's not obstructed.

[The Batlord]

Originally Posted by Black Francis

Have i done that Trollheart? i often post pics in my journal without obstructing the text.. at least on my end it's not obstructed.

Nah, your journal sucks for entirely different reasons.

[Black Francis]

Originally Posted by The Batlord

Nah, your journal sucks for entirely different reasons.

it's a good journal if you're into the pixies.

[Trollheart]

Originally Posted by Black Francis

Have i done that Trollheart? i often post pics in my journal without obstructing the text.. at least on my end it's not obstructed.

I honestly don't know, and I'm not here to name and shame. I'm just saying it happens --- even to me --- but you can check it in preview and it's pretty obvious if your text is sliding off the screen that your pic is too big. Some people, particularly the newer ones ---- though I'm not accusing any of them of doing this --- may not realise that that's the reason why it's happening.

It's just an observation, some advice how to prevent it and thus make any journal easier to read. Happens on threads too, but more in the journals, where people tend to use pictures more.

[Trollheart]

Woah Nelly! There is a LOT to get through this week, so let's dispense with the clever, pun-laden intro (what do you mean, there's never a clever, pun-laden intro?) and get right to it. Deep breath, in we go!

Anteater sails back in with more http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ravaganza.html telling us about modern Yacht Rock? Modern? How is that possible, you ask? You do ask, don't you? I'm sure I heard you ask. No, it was definitely you. Well anyway, I don't have the answers, but I know a man who does...

Wonder Woman fighting a dragon? As we http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-oblivion.html, like he says himself, what else do you need to know? He also puts forth a compelling case as to why his TV show is better than yours.

Briks has more haiku reviews down at http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...seur-cave.html, with REM, Leonard Cohen and, um, The Cleaners from Venus?

Carpe is back! And she's taking requests in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ker-sound.html. Britney and Dream Theater coming up! Stay tuned...

Seems Chula Vista has renamed and rebranded his journal. It's now known as http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...rly-years.html. Fair enough. So, who's next up? Who. Yeah, that's what I asked. No, I mean Who. Yeah I know! I'm asking the question! Yes I know. I'm answering it. Who! Who? Yes, Who. Not the pronoun, but a band with the unlikely name of The Who. Next! Now that we've got that out of the way, he also looks into the uber-classic “Dark side of the moon”. (See further down for more)

Goofle heads into 1994 on http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...63-2013-a.html with efforts from Pavement, The Beastie Boys, Oasis and, er, The Auteurs again? On to 1995, with Black Grape, Radiohead, Man is the Bastard and Slowdive.
Also, come and join http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...lbum-club.html, where first album up for discussion is the self-titled by The Gris Gris

Josef K is worried that nobody is reading http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...h-reading.html: a thousand views so far says different! Reviews of albums from Can, The Kinks and Townes van Zandt among others.

http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...nal-music.html says Ki, and also Satan, as the Dark One gets his Christmas recommendations underway with Dimmu Borgir, Pentagram and ,um, “Death Metal Christmas --- the album”?

Seems I've started, or at least popularised something of a tradition of people having more than one journal! Hey, the more the merrier, as long as you can keep up with it! (Says he, with now seven journals...) Anyway, Machine has three now, and in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...l-madness.html he's reviewing a Christmas album by Imagene Peise as part of his Christmas Month and...
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-song-day.html is back! With some ch-ch-changes (sorry, can never resist!) and music coming from White Suns, Flaming Lips, Run The Jewels, Tyler the creator, Pink Guy and Stereolab. Meanwhile...
In http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...otistical.html Machine begins another journal, this one to catalogue his own musical exploits. I've reviewed his single in “The Showroom” (see further) and this has welcome information on how that song is to be fleshed out, and also updates on the progress of his album.

Yay! Mondo is back, and in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...istortion.html he's beginning to look at one of Frownland's favourites, the mighty John Zorn

and http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...a-yas-out.html as we welcome him to Journal Town with his first journal, this one to focus on gigs he has been to.

Neapolitan continues his review of Bowie's “Station to station” in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...dern-rock.html, though I have to say: Urban, we've showed you ours, now show us yours! Where's the review man? Bowie Week is over and we've all played our part. Waiting... Meanwhile, Neo goes on with a review of Betty and the Werewolves...

Oriphiel is http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ck-garage.html, but not because he's a car enthusiast (or maybe he is): he's exploring the world of garage rock, beginning with a look at Girls in the Garage: sounds like a car nut's dream! He also looks into the world of The Hideout, an infamous (apparently) club in Detroit where a lot of big names got their first start, and reviews an album highlighting the best of the bands who played live there. Then he moves on to California, where the first “California girls” (sing it with me, Dave!) he looks at are The Pandoras, then Pebbles and back to the Garage Girls. Reminds me of a certain Screen13.... Also music from Sacramento, with the Hairem. (Small note: Orph, you're one of the victims of the “too large picture syndrome” spoken of in my earlier post: maybe resize that mother?)

I mentioned Overcast's new endeavour last week, http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ff-thangs.html, a journal that just made it in under the wire before the cutoff. This week he's looking into the self-titled debut of Giles Corey.

Pet_Sounds is back! Hes got some very personal entries on http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...crap-heap.html, with music from The Beatles. Welcome back man! Hope things get better for you soon.

The theme of http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...listening.html is this week apparently big. Well, he's listening to Big Black Delta and Big Wreck, so there's that...

http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ts-sounds.html gets going this week with, um, Raquel Welch? Hey, I'm never opposed to beautiful women in people's journals... also the Fonda dynasty.

It's 1994, and in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ar-1965-a.html there's music from Weezer, Nas, Sunny Day Real Estate and more Nirvana, among others.

Christmas has come to my journals! Well, it's still two weeks off but we're getting into the spirit early as usual. Down at http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...d-journal.html kind members have been delivering presents for me to stack “Under Trollheart's Tree”, with contributions already from Pet_Sounds, Goofle, Justin and Urban to name but four. There's non-Christmas stuff too though, with another in our Prog top 100 and a new “Variations on a theme”, not to mention a new section, “A Perfect 10”, the first featuring Devin's masterpiece “Epicloud”. Christmas raises its bejewelled head too in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-emporium.html as we revisit some of the best Christmas episodes from shows, with Becker and Bottom, introductions too for upcoming “Father Ted” coverage, more “Plot holes you could drive, you know, a Mack truck through” and the introduction for our “Scrooge Showdown”, facing off all (or as many as I can find of) the various film versions of “A Christmas Carol”, to see which is the best.

There's no such thing as Christmas in Mega-City One, or if there is, Dredd does not want to hear about it. He's busy fighting off crazed robots in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...d-2000-ad.html as the first epic Dredd story gets underway. Finally, in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...i-reviews.html there's a review of a great album from a band you've never heard of, nor had I up to then... Finally,(really, this time) representing my seventh journal to be opened, the talents of MB members are showcased in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-showroom.html with contributions so far from Plankton, YorkeDaddy, WWWP, Machine and Rexx Shred.

Heading towards the top for 1983 now as http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...y-history.html features Slayer's debut and Accept's “Restless and wild”. Don't forget to check further down for my total, in-depth, month-by-month review of this journal in the new “Classic Journals I have read” section!

Great to see some old hands returning, and some of our prettiest and most intelligent ladies too!
The incomparable Vanilla returns to add a touch of glamour and fun to these pages with http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ears-song.html

while the equally dazzling WWWP is back for another jaunt of http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-tripping.html (long missed) where she reviews Creepoid's self-titled debut album.

http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...e-radness.html has added (ahem) “Punch” this week...

http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...s-journal.html Well, he's the one foaming at the mouth about Metallica's self-titled, also called The Black Album, though it seems he would rather it were titled The Brown Album... Having been so upset by that, he's now in a death metal mood, and so is checking out Morbid Angel, Annimal Machine (yeah, it's spelled with two “n”s apparently) and The Melvins.

Interesting point: in the first day of December, TWELVE journals were updated (okay, three were mine but nevertheless) and no less than three new ones started! That, as they say, is what I'm talkin' about!


Time to revive this section! This is where I look at both a new, fresh journal and one that has been going for some time, to see both sides of the story, as it were. Our “Young gun” for this first edition in 2014 is none other than

who has two journals, but I would like to concentrate on http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...crap-heap.html
When he began this journal, Pet_Sounds said it would be a “structureless collection of irregular, off-the-cuff mini-reviews and mega-rants” but I'd like to challenge that by posting his first review (which only came two pages into his journal!) as below:

Originally Posted by Pet_Sounds

Now that Briks has told us all what he was listening to a few years ago, I thought I'd put on my former "favourite album of all time". I played it a month or so ago, but before that hadn't listened in about a year.

2012… What a summer. I was hitting puberty, playing out-of-town baseball for the first time, and meeting the girl I'm still pretty crazy for. This was the soundtrack to it all.



The title track and opener, Your Imagination, has an edge to it unusual for a Brian Wilson record. There's some distorted guitar and pretty cool Hammond organ licks going on in the background. After two verses seemingly about the Beach Boys, the bridge strips down, and finally fades out with some lovely trumpet. Definitely my favourite song on the album.

Up next is She Says that She Needs Me, a track recycled from some old Beach Boys sessions. It's on this track that Brian doing all the vocals becomes evident. It seems to have a slight Latin vibe with the acoustic guitar (another rarity on a Brian Wilson record) and what seem to be maracas in the background.

Jimmy Buffett enters the scene on South American, which is the album's weakest track lyrically. Brian's and Jimmy's voices blend nicely, though, and the piano is nicely played. The best part of almost any Wilson-penned song is the bridge, and this is no exception. Brian sings "I'm not on some trip" near the ending. Hehe.

Where Has Love Been is a very cheesy song, and one that I used to love. The lyrics are still lovely:
"I've been places I can barely talk about
Sunny days that died away in tears
Tumbling like a leaf out on a sea of doubt
I've seen nights that seem to last for years…."

An old Beach Boys classic is next in Keep an Eye on Summer. It has its moments, especially the key change, but I can never listen to it without comparing it to the original, which is far superior.

A fun, catchy song is next in Dream Angel. True to Brian, though, it's backed by some mellow horns. The nice thing about Brian singing all the vocals is evident here - it feels like one voice. Some classic Beach Boys surf guitar in the fadeout.

My least favourite track, Cry, is next. More acoustic guitar here, and overall it feels almost like a strange mix of country and progressive rock. There is some catchy piano playing, but it feels too long. One positive, though, is that we get to hear Brian's falsetto for a short time. He hadn't quite lost his range in 1998.

The beginning of Lay Down Burden feels like Simon and Garfunkel's "El Condor Pasa". The lyrics seem slightly… suicidal. It's too slow, especially coming after "Cry". The chorus is kinda catchy. There might be a trace of trademark bass harmonica in there.

One of my favourite Beach Boys songs, Let Him Run Wild is next. It's not as good as the original, but has more of an edge. Brian's voice sounds a bit weak on this track. It feels overproduced compared to the original.

Sunshine is bluesy and has a SMiLE feel to it. Trademark Mike Love "bow, bow, bow" backing vocals (although sung by Brian) and the sunshine lyrics make this the closest thing to a Beach Boys song on the album. Once again BW gives us a great bridge, despite the repetitive lyrics. It builds up from solo piano and turns into music box… oh wait, that's the ending….

…But it segues into Happy Days, the weirdest song on the album, with its whispering and neat saxophone licks. The lyrics are obviously about Brian's escape from the influence of his corrupt psychiatrist, Eugene Landy. It concludes the album with the statement that Brian is back.

Overall, I certainly wouldn't call this myr favourite album of all time anymore, but it's the album that got me into popular music in general. It's got some catchy songs, though, and is Brian's strongest solo album other than his version of SMiLE.

3/5

If that's a mini-review then I was voted prettiest girl in my school! No, I don't still have the sash! No you can't look! Anyway, Pet_Sounds has been away for a bit, due to some shenanigans with his computer, but he's back now and he's become, in a very short time, a vital member of the forum and is I think universally liked, not an easy thing to achieve by any means. Here's to his continued success.

[Trollheart]

Speaking of being universally liked, you can't help but love

(Yeah, I know: queer...)
His pithy insults, often corny jokes and obsession with comics led him to create a journal based on same (comics, not insults: don't go getting any ideas, Batty!) but I remember this one from his heyday, and I really wish he'd get back to it and put The Kings of Metal out of their misery. What about it, Bats?
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...t-schemes.html hasn't been updated now since August 2013, and currently languishes on the bottom of the fifth page (probably moved to the sixth by the time this is published), but here's an example of his writing. This is, in fact, the last entry made by him in the journal, and left us all hanging.
[QUOTE=The Batlord;1357885]

The Return of the Kings of Metal: Part VIII

` ` `The journey to the goblins' lair after our capture was long and arduous. Our hands were bound behind our backs and we were driven before the whips of our captors as they mocked us and our "poseur faggot metal". For long hours we marched and stumbled through the cold night of the valley in the midst of the Mountains of Madness, exhausted but with heads stoically held high in defiance as True Metalheads. It wasn't until the early, pre-dawn hours of the morning that we finally arrived at the mouth of a great cave carved into the flank of a towering mountain.

` ` `Then the goblin chieftain called a halt to the long column and we were brought forward. Turning to us with its cruel eyes leering from beneath its wolf-head headdress, it spoke to us with mockery, "It's time, True Metalhead poseurs. Now the witch shall proclaim the Prophet's judgement and you will suffer and die for your crimes."

` ` `I gave him a look of bored disdain and said, "I just hope this 'Prophet' fellow's judgement'll be that you have to wash that raccoon on your head. I don't know who gave who the fleas, but you need to get that shit taken care of."

` ` `Its eyes blazed with murder, but after a few moments the goblin turned and walked stiffly toward the cave. But as I moved to follow, it suddenly spun around and delivered a vicious backhand across my face that sent me sprawling to the ground.
` ` `A corner of its mouth twisted into a sneer as it gazed down at me, "Poseur faggots like you should guard their tongues around a Trve Kvltist of the Highest Kaliber such as myself."

` ` `Rolling into a sitting position, I spat blood onto the ground and shot back, "Maybe the Prophet could tell you to hit the gym too. You hit like a bitch."

` ` `Its mouth quivered with rage, but the goblin said simply, "You won't be making jokes for long," and then turned and stalked away.

` ` `The mouth of the cave opened onto a large chamber made of sandy-colored stone. The stalactites on the ceiling dripped with water, but the stalagmites on the floor had been shattered, making the ground relatively clear. The chamber led into a system of natural tunnels ranging from narrow, claustrophobic passages to great, echoing caverns that were dimly lit by the wavering flames of torches set into wall-mounted brackets. Over everything hung the stench of filthy, unwashed bodies, waste, and death, and from everywhere sounded the aural blitzkriegs of Beherit, Emperor, Abruptum, and countless others all vying for dominance.
` ` `Goblins infested every inch of the caves. They stood against the walls as we passed, eyeing us with malice. Some took no notice of us, too busy quarreling with each other over food or other petty squabbles. We quickly lost count of the many bodies that lay ignored by their fellows.
` ` `Many corridors had entrances in the walls leading to "rooms" where goblins wielding a multitude of exotic instruments of torture exacted what must have been their own sadistic forms of punishment on others of their kind for unknown crimes. The floors of these chambers were slick with blood and carpeted with gore and severed body parts. Screams of anguish echoed off the walls, making a cacophony of torment.
` ` `Even more horrible were the rooms filled with hideous, writhing masses of copulating goblins. There was a far greater number of males than females (or at least what passes for goblin females) and so brawls erupted constantly, ending with the victor mating with its prize, often times even on top of the dead or dying body of its rival. But sometimes there was peace, and the males swarmed a single female, taking their pleasure however and where ever they could. It was almost impossible to distinguish the moans of ecstasy from the cries of agony.

` ` `Without drawing attention to himself as we were led down a passageway, Oscar crept up next to me and, while looking straight ahead, whispered, "It appears that you have more in common with these creatures than we thought. Their appetite for debauchery rivals even your own, my friend."

` ` `"You can shut right the fuck up, you tampon. I'm gonna need to get tit-fucked by at least two hookers just to get that image-you know what? No. I don't even wanna think about group sex right now."

` ` `"It is a miracle."

` ` `"Shut up, Oscar."

` ` `We were interrupted by a furtive whisper from Joey directly behind us, "Dudes, what I wanna know is who the fuck are 'the witch' and 'the prophet'? Do you think they're Tipper Gore and the First?"

` ` `"Perhaps," considered Oscar, "Although I am somewhat mystified as to why the sorceress would transport us all the way from the Desert of Nephren-Ka just to have us captured by such lowly thugs."

` ` `"And besides," interjected Kerry, who was now on my other side, "Trve Kvltists would rather remove their own ribs with a rusty butter knife just to they could castrate themselves with their teeth than serve a poseur."

` ` `"Dude, goblins are fucking stupid," I responded, "It wouldn't be that hard to manipulate them with a little magical whim-wham."

` ` `"Shut the fuck up!" bellowed one of our guards, "Poseur faggots only speak when spoken too!"

` ` `"What? My friend was speaking to me."

` ` `A crack of the goblin's whip made me consider that perhaps discretion might be the better part of valor in this case.

` ` `"Pussy."

` ` `Crack!

` ` `I'm a slow learner.

` ` `Soon we were led through a small, unassuming passageway into a cavernous chamber that soared high above our heads. It was even wider than it was lofty and lined with what must have been hundreds of blazing torches that illuminated all but the highest reaches of the stone ceiling. And reaching down, like the fangs of some colossal, savage beast, were long stalactites from which were suspended on dozens of nearly one hundred foot-long chains the severed heads of countless goblins. The chains hung down to within ten feet of the rocky floor, and each sported at least twenty vicious meat hooks. The heads, some fresh, some putrefying, their screams forever frozen on their ugly faces, were impaled on these grisly hooks through the eyes, the mouth, the base of the neck, or where ever their tormentor's whimsy had taken them to. Underneath the ghastly chains formed pools of blood, pus, and other vile fluids better left unidentified. If our senses of smell hadn't already been numb the stench would have left us heaving the contents of our stomachs onto the rocks.
` ` `And gathered inside the immense cavern, under the heads, stood hundreds, thousands of goblins, jeering at us, hurling stones, throwing their heads back to make bestial howls of frenzied bloodlust.

` ` `Taking in the horrific scene with an expression of wide-eyed dismay, Oscar whispered, "This is more than just a single goblin tribe. There are far, far more here than can survive off of the pickings of this one valley. And who knows how far these caves stretch beneath the mountain. Or if there are other hidden enclaves such as this. This...this is an army."

` ` `"I don't know who this 'Prophet' is," I replied, "But he must be one hell of a motherfucker to be able to put all this shit together. Getting goblins to work together is like herding cats."

` ` `Our captors were leading us toward the center of the vast chamber, where, partially obscured through the veil of gently swinging heads and softly clinking chains, was a large boulder that rose almost twenty feet into the air. A wide staircase had been crudely carved into the rock that rose up to a wide, flat top that formed a crude platform from where one would have an unobstructed view of the entirety of the chamber.

` ` `Well, nearly unobstructed. The heads and all.

` ` `Near the base of the boulder, our "escort" halted. Then without warning the goblin guards behind us shoved us to our knees and commanded us to be silent and still. The goblin chieftain stepped forward to within ten feet of the staircase, dropped to one knee, and declared, "Oh, great witch, I have brought you four True Metalhead poseurs. I humbly beseech you to proclaim the judgement of the Prophet on these poseur heretics in the name of Trve Kvlt metal."

` ` `And then from the opposite end of the boulder platform came the scrape of steel-shod boots on stone, and a contingent of ten hulking, heavily-armed and armored goblin warriors with grim, foreboding expressions on their cruel faces rose from what was apparently a corresponding staircase. They marched in two ranks of five, and between them was quite possibly the ugliest creature I had ever seen.
` ` `She was an ancient, shriveled crone of a goblin: her entire body was a twisted knot of gnarled, arthritic limbs and fingers; her back was so hunched that she walked nearly doubled over on her crooked cane; her left leg was lame and she dragged it behind her, giving her an awkward, shambling gait; what remained of her wispy, snow white hair fell in a tangle over a cadaverous face that had had all of the flesh boiled away, leaving nothing but sallow skin, caked in filth and covered in festering lesions, pulled tight over her skull.
` ` `But in her eyes burned a malignant intelligence that had lost none of its vitality over the countless years of her existence. The only clothing that she wore was a foul, tattered rag that had once been a dress, and a necklace that seemed to be made out of finger bones. Her trembling right arm clutched her cane, but her left cradled something against her withered body, as if she were carrying an infant.
` ` `When the crone, the witch surely, and her guards reached the edge of the platform overlooking my companions and I, the twisted old hag gazed down at us with a malevolence so profound that even a True Metalhead of the Highest Caliber such as myself became slightly unnerved. Then she turned to the chieftain, still kneeling, and spoke in a shrill voice, brittle with age...

` ` `"What are these worthless insects? Where did you find them?"

` ` `"Great witch, these poseurs were caught trespassing in our valley, and when we attempted to apprehend them they murdered countless of our Trve Kvlt brothers."

` ` `"You were right to bring them here. However," she croaked, her eyes boring into the chieftain who cringed in fear, "Those shirts defile this sacred place. How dare you bring them into the presence of the Prophet, you witless fool?!"

` ` `In terror the chieftain flung himself to the ground and sniveled and pleaded, "Great witch! Please forgive my failure! I live only to serve the Prophet!"

` ` `"Silence! I shall deal with you later. Perhaps you will learn to think once I have removed a bit of your skin."

` ` `And then she turned back to us...

` ` `"HUMAN FILTH! HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE OUR SANCTUM WITH YOUR POSEUR LIES! YOU WILL SUFFER YOUR YOUR CRIMES! DO YOU HEAR ME?! IN THE NAME OF THE PROPHET YOU WILL SUFFER! AND YOU WILL SUFFER! AND YOU WILL SUFFER! AND THEN YOU SHALL BEG FOR DEATH!!!"

` ` `We were all taken aback by the sheer vehemence of her hateful ranting. Even the rest of the goblins looked shocked.

` ` `The witch was trembling as she regained her composure. Eventually she took a deep breath and spoke in a voice that was calm but filled with no less venom, "In days long past, your kind murdered our people and drove us off of our ancestral lands. You left us to eke out our wretched existence on the edges of the world. You stole our heritage. You stole our future. And now you invade the pitiful little scrap that you have left us with?"
` ` `Her lip curled into a sneer, "But the Prophet has shown his chosen people the truth of Trve Kvlt metal, and he was shown us the heresy of 'True Metal'. Though 'false metal' is closer to the truth. And he has laid bare your kind's unholy union with the Jews that you would hide from the world."

` ` `"The Jews?!" I cried in disbelief, "What the fuck are you on, you crazy old bitch?!"

` ` `I was silenced by a blow from one of my guards.

` ` `"Lies!" shrieked the witch, "The Prophet has shown us everything! You are naught but slaves of the Zionists! You would engulf the world in the filth of Jewish poseurdom! But the Prophet has gathered his people and made of us a great army. By his command we shall sweep down upon the human filth that has contaminated this land with their inferior blood and carry out his blessed will, wiping false metal and Zionism from the face of the Earth. And then we shall take back what is rightfully ours!"

` ` `With a deafening roar, the goblin horde erupted, "DEATH TO ZOG! DEATH TO ZOG! DEATH TO ZOG!"

` ` `Then with a flourish the witch uncurled her left arm from her breast and thrust it out over the edge of the rock, over the heads of the vile gathering. Clutched in her skeletal hand, held up by its hair, was a severed human head.
` ` `Immediately, every goblin in the vast cavern snapped to attention and thrust out their right arms, holding them rigidly before them with the fingers extended in a straight line pointing directly at the witch and her gruesome prize. "ZIEG HEIL!!!" they roared as one, and the massive underground chamber trembled at the power of their ecstatic fury. At the same time, our captors seized us be the backs of our necks and thrust us face first into the ground.

` ` `"Behold!" proclaimed the witch in religious ecstasy, "He who shall be the doom of all inferior races! He who shall be the doom of false metal! He who shall pass judgement upon the Zionist poseur heretics!"

` ` `With my face pressed into the rocks I could see nothing, but I managed to twist my head just enough in the goblin guard's grasp to be able to catch a glimpse of the scene unfolding before me out of the corner of my eyes. The witch was grasping the head by its blond hair with its face gazing outward. This head was nothing like the unfortunate goblins swinging above us: except for its perfectly preserved hair it was completely mummified; it's skin was desiccated and the color of old leather; the face was unmoving, frozen in the silent scream that it had worn at the moment of its death; upon closer inspection the eyes were still miraculously intact, with a pure, icy blue stare that saw nothing; the facial hair showed that the person had evidently been a man. More and more, I felt an unsettling feeling that I had seen the head's owner before...

` ` `Those eyes...that ludicrous goatee...the general air of a viking who's gotten a sensible haircut so he can work in a cubicle farm...

` ` `And then its eyes rolled in their sockets to gaze down at me.

` ` `With a shock of recognition I recoiled in horror, throwing my guard to the ground as I leapt to my feet.

` ` `"Are you fucking shitting me?! Your 'Prophet' is Varg fucking Vikernes's severed head?! What the fuck is this stupid shit?!"

` ` `At my outburst, a low, angry muttering filled the chamber. And on top of the boulder platform the witch trembled with rage...

` ` `"How...how dare you?! How dare you look upon the Prophet?! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK HIS NAME, YOU...YOU UNTERMENSCH?!"

` ` `Suddenly her eyes widened in astonishment and her attention was drawn back to Varg's head.

` ` `In the deathly silence that had fallen over the vast chamber a faint creaking could be heard, almost like the careful movement of a rocking chair. My gaze had never wavered from Varg, so I saw with revulsion that the sound came from his feebly working jaw as the petrified tendons struggled to move.

[The Batlord]

I do believe there was a second half to that, as the entry's length forced me to separate into two posts. And I tried getting back into it the other day actually, but that next chapter stopped me cold back then, and I now realize that I kind of have to scrap it and start over. Also need to kill someone off...