WWWP

Yesssss love Lagunitas. Good choice x2

Have you had Lagunitas 12th of Never canned ale? I was worried by how quickly they gave in and went to can after the Heineken deal, but it's mad decent.

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#DEMODFROWNLAND
#TERMLIMITSFORMODERATORS

Frownland

I haven't tried it yet but I've been eyeing it for a while.

Also drinking a Brown Shugga, Plank.

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Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth.

WWWP

It's not the best Lagunitas but it's for sure the best canned beer imo. When I went to bars more often my drink of choice was half Lil Sumpthin and half Hop Stoopid, called it "A lil sumpthin stoopid." Haven't really been drinking a lot of beer lately, this conversation is giving me a hankering.

Edit:

On topic, did all my gift shopping yesterday. This year I was too poor both time and money-wise to engage in my usual holiday consumerist joyfest, but I got my bf some cool stuff that I'm excited to give him. My family is SOL.

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#DEMODFROWNLAND
#TERMLIMITSFORMODERATORS

DwnWthVwls

Only reason I recognize 4/20 is because when I was young I thought it was so cool. Now my friends and i all get together and smoke/do stoner things so it's turned into something meaningful.

I don't ever smoke at 4:20, I usually wake and bake on the weekends and smoke after 8pm on weekdays since im busy the rest of the day.

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I don't got a god complex, you got a simple god...

Trollheart

Still no idea what it is. Thanks for explaining it, you bunch of bastards.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Frownland

4/20 is basically marijuana day. Everyone smokes a lot on that day. Been an tradition since the seventies.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/420_(cannabis_culture)

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Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth.

Trollheart

Thank you.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

The Batlord

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Key

Trollheart

A little something festive I wrote several years ago, for those of you who have not read it. To properly appreciate the humour you really need to be familiar with Police Squad! or at least the Naked Gun movies, but even without that it may raise the odd smile.

The Santa Caper
A Police Squad! Story
With apologies to the Zucker Brothers.

Ed, Frank Drebin's Captain, looks in on him in his office.
Ed: "We got a break in the Santa Caper, Frank. A witness, at long last!"
Frank (looks blank): "Santa Caper?"
Ed: "Yeah, Frank, the Santa Caper. The case we been chasing for months now? The fat guy? Red suit?"
Frank (still looks blank but shrugs): "Not familiar with it chief. Can you bring me up to speed?"
Ed (sighs): "Okay, Frank. Well, let's see: what do you know about reindeer?"
Frank (blank again): "Reindeer?"
Ed: "Yeah, reindeer. You know Dasher and Dancer, Prancer and Vixen?"
Frank: "Yeah I think those names ring a bell."
Ed: "Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen?"
Frank: "Sounds familiar, boss."
Ed: "Ah, but then Frank, do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?"
Frank: "Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer? Had a very shiny nose, if I remember."
Ed: "Yeah, that's him. I'm tellin' ya Frank, I saw it once and I gotta admit, if you ever saw it you'd even say it glowed!"
Frank: "That kind of deformity wouldn't have helped this Rudolph fit in, would it Ed?"
Ed: "You're not wrong there, Frank. All the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names."
Frank: "Yeah, yeah, it's coming back to me now. Didn't the file say they never let him join in any reindeer games?"
Ed: "You got it. But then, one foggy Christmas night, things changed for him. Santa came to say -”
Frank: "This the Santa the case was named for, Ed?"
Ed: "The very same. Santa Claus. Weird guy. Hits town every December 24th, gone by the next morning. Has some crazy compulsion to break into people's homes and leave ... gifts for them."
Frank: "Gifts?"
Ed: "Yeah. Toys. Book tokens. Socks. All kinds of weird stuff."
Frank: "Sicko. What kinda world we livin' in, Ed?"
Ed: "Yeah, apparently he suffers from something called Father Christmas Syndrome."
Frank: "What's that?"
Ed: "How do I know, Frank? I look like a shrink to you?"
Frank: "Sorry Ed."
Ed: "Has his snitches working in all over town, according to our files. They know that Santa's on his way, he's loaded lot of toys and goodies on his sleigh, and every mother's child is gonna spy to see if reindeer really know how to fly. Impressive, huh?"
Frank: "Gotta give it to the guy: he's got the town sewn up, hasn't he?"
Ed: "Well, anyway, apparently he makes sure his victims are kept under close surveillance. Sees you when you're sleeping, knows when you're awake. Gives me the chills, I don't mind tellin' ya!"
Frank: "Why does he do that, do you think?"
Ed: "Apparently he needs to know who's naughty and who's nice. Meticulous guy, by all accounts. Makes a list, checks it twice." (shakes his head) "Some people, huh?"
Frank: "And what's the difference between naughty and nice then?"
Ed: "Well, if he thinks someone is nice, he leaves toys and useful stuff, if they're on the naughty list then he leaves them a lump of coal."
Frank: "Coal?"
Ed (shrugs): "Don't ask me, Frank: I'm just tellin' ya what it says in the file."
Frank: "So he's a housebreaker, and a peeping tom? Sick guy. What's he got to do with the reindeer though?"
Ed: "I'm comin' to that. So on this foggy Christmas Eve anyways, Santa comes to Rudolph and says “Rudolph with your nose so bright won't you guide my sleigh tonight?”
Frank: "So Rudolph is an accessory?"
Ed: "Right. Now he says he wants to make a deal, turn State's Evidence. Claims he didn't know about Claus's reputation, but I ain't buyin' it. He knew what he was doing. He got some beef with the red guy ... what are you laughin' at Frank?"
Frank: "Haha! Beef! Reindeer!"
Ed: "That would be venison, Frank."
Frank: "Oh. Right. Well, I bet taking part in that caper did a lot for his street cred."
Ed: "Oh you better believe it, Frank. Word on the street is, all the reindeer loved him, and they shouted out with glee, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you'll go down in history.”
Frank (grabbing his jacket): "Yeah, well if he doesn't sing then the only place he's going down is to the State Prison. Let's roll!"



You read it, you can't un-read it! Happy Non-Religious Secular Winter's Solstice Day of No Meaning, everyone!

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