Is it ok for a woman to propose to a man?**
 

**this question is based on a heterosexual partnership.

We all know the age-old story. The guy gets down on one knee with a shiny little rock in hand, girl squeals madly, the two live happily ever after.

But is it acceptable for a woman to ask her boyfriend to marry her?

Do men think it's weird, forward, or too desperate?

Or have we moved forward as a society in our efforts for equality?

I wouldn't mind. I feel like women would object to this idea more than men. I don't think it's about equality either.

Whoever wants to do the asking should the asking.

Probably. I imagine men see it as a highly nerve-wracking obligation, whereas with women it seems to be a status symbol that someone has proposed to you.

I can't even begin to imagine any woman becoming desperate enough to ask me

Pretty much my thoughts as well.

I don't see a problem with it but the entire concept of traditional marriage ceremonies and rituals have never meant much to me anyway. I have pretty strong doubts that society at large has made it to the point where this wouldn't be viewed as culturally alien. I imagine if a large number of people were polled on the question the majority would say they're okay with it, but I think the existing status quo is still strong enough to intimidate most women out of doing it, if only to avoid the possibility of stirring the pot between family members.

it would probably come across as a bit desperate. not necessarily to me, but most likely to her female friends and associates.

i think the more pressing question is how does one tactfully ask for a prenup

No problem with it, though I'd probably have a fairly low opinion of any guy who received such a proposal, because it seems quite likely to me that either (a) he didn't have the balls to do it himself and thus forced his girlfriend into a potentially awkward position or (b) he was leading her on.

if we ignore any societal norms when considering it, then it's no different from a man asking a woman.

but of course those norms are not set aside when most people are actually judging your behavior.

since the traditional rules of engagement are that the man is supposed to be the aggressor and the woman is supposed to be the object of desire, a woman who bypasses this process of waiting for a man to select her can be seen as disregarding the rules because perhaps she fears that the man won't actually fulfill his role in pursuing her. hence the stigma of desperation.

i'm not saying this is how it should be or how i see it, but this is the impression i get from people in general. see pet sounds' post above for a mild example.

I think it's completely okay. I don't see it as desperate or embarrassing at all. **** the rules. Gender shouldn't matter.

I never understood why anyone (guy or girl) would surprise propose anyway. like shouldn't they talk about such things before anyone pops the question. and then at that point the question is more of a formality anyway.

the op asked specifically if we've moved past this sort of thing. i'm saying not by a long shot. at least not based on my irl experience.

going out on a limb is seen as a romantic gesture. i can see why, too. rendering it a mere formality seems to take something away from the significance of the gesture to me.

When my bf and I became official it was after a night of partying following a month of "hanging out," "watching movies" and such. When we woke up I rolled over and asked "are you my boyfriend?" to which he replied "uh, I wanna be!"

I imagine our engagement would happen similarly.

that's a nice story.

come to think of it i don't usually like to bring up labels early on when pursuing a girl. i basically just try to gauge whatever her expectations are of me at that moment and go with that if i'm still interested.

but something about marriage just seems different. like the entire thing seems sort of ritualistic to me. but i've never been there so maybe i just don't know.

:clap:

this kid gets it.

I'm not the type of girl that has an easy time making a move like this but the promise isn't gonna come my way any other way.

Off-topic: I'd just like it to be known that I, a heterosexual man, have twice proposed to my heterosexual best friend. It was for tax purposes, but the offers were still made. He declined.

…wait, so you're going to pop the question to Ki?

Oh well YA KNOW SOMEDAY.

Someday.

I'm just trying to gauge the...the male ... opinion.

How does Ki not feel awkward whenever you talk about marrying him or being one of his relatives' new in-law? I'd be all like, "Look, crazy bitch. We need to talk..."

what he said just reinforces the idea that the man is obligated to pop the question thus it's not really natural for a woman to do so

I'm just really low-key and I don't require a huge fucking deal about it, man.

Oh he doesn't mind a bit. If it pissed him off, he'd tell me. He's more likely to tell me about what pisses him off than what touches him emotionally. :laughing: You know how the men are....

ki needs to do some stadium type proposal and record it for youtube

I would literally cry for the rest of my life because I'm way too shy for that level of social involvement.

*walks in thread*
*reads posts*
*walks out*

He should sneak you into a Klan rally and surprise you by sneakilly slipping the ring on your finger just as they light the cross.

not sure whether I should kill myself now or...

...or offer my services at $200/30min.

Well that depends, does Batlord get the body?

At first I was like "you've got this" and now I'm like "this is so terrible I don't even think I have a clever response"

That's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY now.

So that's a yes to him getting it? You're welcome Batlord.

I know that didn't make any sense, but it's just the first thing that came to mind when I thought about how I'd just introduced awkward tension to LiL and Ki's relationship.

So like ...



or something?

that's like spitting into the nile river and saying you just introduced water to egypt.

please press y/n to continue

You might take traditional gender roles too seriously.

No, I don't take them seriously at all. My point is, because there's still some awkwardnes about a woman proposing, a guy should be able to pick up hints and do it himself rather than force his girlfriend into a situation that could be very embarrassing and awkward.

Disclaimer: I've never been in a serious relationship, so this is entirely specuation.

But as long as we keep thinking that way, said unnecessary awkwardness will prevail.
Only when we, the enlightened, modern, intelligent and incredibly good-looking people, stop caring about those roles, might they be abandoned at some point.
Not to say, that what you said isn't true when it concerns people who actually take those roles seriously and live according to them. But one shouldn't generalize.

I tend to be left with a similar feeling when a female friend proposes to her boyfriend, despite my rational understanding that a break in tradition doesn't inherently imply anything other than "she got to it first."

It just so happens that anytime someone I know is in this situation, it is also true that if the female hadn't popped the question - despite the couple being great together - the engagement probably wouldn't have happened for who knows how long. It's not a statement about the strength of the relationship, but rather the "I know what I want" attitude of the female.

Power to them, I say. How a couple gets to marriage isn't my business.