Howard the Duck

I think I already mentioned in some of my posts that I AM schizophrenic. So being a fanatical Christian didn't help much.

I don't hear voices much - just paranoid delusions about being a secret cop like the KGB, having telepathic powers, gangsta houngans putting voodoo spells on me, people on the street all know about me and talk about me openly

if untreated, it'll escalate to the point where I think I'm the Second Coming, also the reincarnation of Buddha and Vishnu

if still untreated, I think I'm God and develop a second personality, where my conscious mind doesn't know what the other personality did (I threw away a lot of "Satanic" CDs unconsciously)

I'm under heavy meds - an anti-psychotic, an anti-depressant, a sedative, a mood stabiliser

djchameleon

good grief. I'm diagnosed with the same condition but I'm too paranoid to take pills so I'm not on any of them. I hear voices from time to time but I never listen to them so it doesn't get to the point where I would act on what they say. I use my mp3 player to drown out the voices when I go out in public so I always have my Zune with me! always!

__________________

Fame, fortune, power, titties. People say these are the most crucial things in life, but you can have a pocket full o' gold and it doesn't mean sh*t if you don't have someone to share that gold with. Seems simple. Yet it's an important lesson to learn. Even lone wolves run in packs sometimes.

Howard the Duck

you should take something atypical like me (Olanzapine), and not a zombiefying anti-psyche like Haliperidol or Modicate

it would help with the voices

I feel fine with it all the time, though my temper is a bit too mild for my liking

I'm changing meds to a periperitone jab soon

djchameleon

I have taken Olanzapine.

The way I feel about it, Either when I take the pills they give me they are just a placebo and they have no effect on me or they are trying to kill me because the pills have strange side effects not listed. I took some pill Abilify I think it was and I had heart palpitations and I hated it. Even though I think thats listed on the list of side effects. IDK i just flushed the rest of the pills down the toilet. I don't want to take pills because I feel like it's going to turn my brain to mush and kill my creativity. I rather deal with the voices and be creative than stop them and become a veggie.

__________________

Fame, fortune, power, titties. People say these are the most crucial things in life, but you can have a pocket full o' gold and it doesn't mean sh*t if you don't have someone to share that gold with. Seems simple. Yet it's an important lesson to learn. Even lone wolves run in packs sometimes.

Howard the Duck

Olanzapine doesn't affect my creativity nor my work - it does however make me a very chill person - like everything is totally cool - i mean, it's like the whole world could be collapsing around me but I feel fine

it does give me vertigo and sometimes panic attacks, like I'm about to die from cardiac arrest - but it's more from my work stress

djchameleon

I'm already a chill person and I try to not let much get to me. I'm too awesome for that. I need to work on arguing with petty people but I'm slowly getting there. Starting to take the high road more often. I have found other coping methods to deal with my panic attacks.

__________________

Fame, fortune, power, titties. People say these are the most crucial things in life, but you can have a pocket full o' gold and it doesn't mean sh*t if you don't have someone to share that gold with. Seems simple. Yet it's an important lesson to learn. Even lone wolves run in packs sometimes.

Freebase Dali

Damn. That's probably not as awesome as it sounds.
I used to know a guy who was schizophrenic. He almost never took his meds. Consequently, he thought he was the cause of 9/11, among other things. And he happened to be one of the best solo guitarists I've ever heard. He wrote amazing stuff, but he would end up burning all his music and notes when he wasn't on his meds because he was so paranoid that someone would break into his [grandmother's] house and steal his ideas and make millions of them.
I never really understood much about schizophrenia, and I've always wondered about the progression from the clear moments, to the un-medicated delusional ones. Is it gradual? What I mean is, what's the nature of the thought process that leads up to a total overtaking of a previously rational state? And does the previously rational state serve as a counter-balance or is it just regarded as a lie you believed?

Schizophrenia is the most interesting mental disorder to me, but I never get any chances to discuss it with anyone suffering from it.

djchameleon

I think the interesting part about Schizophrenia is that it is a bit random and affects different people in different ways. Il Duce will probably tell you his version but to me. I don't take meds anymore because I just hate meds in general. I don't even trust my psychiatrist anymore. She's basically a fucking pusher that's getting paid by the government to drug up people. I don't like the way I feel on meds so I come up with my own coping methods that work for me. I also feel like it zaps the hell out of my creativity when i'm on meds so I decided that meds are not for me. The pills I have taken in the past either they feel to me like they don't have any effect or I get some weird f-ed up side effect.

After all of that I just noticed I probably didn't answer your question but oh well.

__________________

Fame, fortune, power, titties. People say these are the most crucial things in life, but you can have a pocket full o' gold and it doesn't mean sh*t if you don't have someone to share that gold with. Seems simple. Yet it's an important lesson to learn. Even lone wolves run in packs sometimes.

Howard the Duck

he's actually quite similar to me, but I thought I could gave prevented 9/11, being secret police and it's a known fact the hijackers made a stop at Malaysia.

Conversely, in my episodes, I would write totally bizarre music, like a cover of Black Sabbath's NIB in Cantonese played on a single out of tune string and thought that was genius. I write better music when I'm sane. Again, conversely, I sometimes discard old lyrics and chords and think that megastars like Rage Against The Machine would requisition for them from the Malaysian government and improve on them.

It's something like drinking. The feeling comes in waves. The only way to stop the inset is to medicate heavily, like anti-psychotic jabs in high doses. Those thought processes are always lurking underneath, like Rilke's Panther, but I usually don't take them seriously or let them pass. In the relapses, however, my mind latches on them and refuses to let go. There is no rational state when that happens or any memory of it.

On the plus side, I never need to take LSD, going off the meds would be pretty hallucinatory by itself.