Got Feminism?

~~John Wilkes Booth~~ · 11-10-2014, 05:31 PM

this dude is hardcore.

The Batlord · 11-10-2014, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by John Wilkes Booth

this dude is hardcore.

What is the context of this post?

~~John Wilkes Booth~~ · 11-10-2014, 05:49 PM

i guess they deleted the post before mine. that new troll that was bumping all the old threads said feminism is sexist and egalitarianism is the way to go.

**Scarlett O'Hara** · 01-12-2015, 05:47 PM

This article really spoke to me, absolutely amazing:

He Never Hit Me*|*Reut Amit

Also check out the picture slide down the bottom about the hashtag #yesallwomen, a lot of people need to see this (the world I mean).

Quote:

How many times did I find myself on his bathroom floor cowering beneath him, feeling the hot spit land on me as he screamed? Stop crying like a baby. You're crazy. No one else would put up with you. How many times did I shudder on that floor counting my breaths, bringing myself back from the brink of suffocation during a panic attack that was triggered by one of these maniacal and regular assaults? But he never hit me.

How many hours did I remain on that bathroom floor after he had gone to bed, my eyes red with burst blood vessels? How many times did I hear the sound of his snores and realize he had fallen asleep, no more than a meter away, to the sound of me hyperventilating while still in the throes of that panic attack? How many times did I whisper aloud, "How did I get here? How did I become this woman?" How many times did I tell myself to get up, call a cab and walk out the front door? How many times did I get up and look in that mirror and fail to recognize myself? How much hate could I have for the broken woman staring back at me? But he never hit me.

How many times did I crawl into that bed, rather than into a cab, and wake up with his arms around me, telling me that I brought it out in him? He wasn't like this. I made him like this. I needed to change the way I approached him about these things. Be less accusatory. If I just softened my approach, it would allow him to react differently. How many times did I adjust my approach before I realized the only way to avoid the abuse was not to bring it up at all? But he never hit me.

How many emails and text messages did I find? How many parties did we attend knowing that one of the women was there? I learned quickly not to address it so that "I" wouldn't ruin a perfectly nice evening. When his family member asked me if a lipstick she had found under the couch was mine, I threw it away and said nothing more of it. Neither did she. Another humiliation taken in silence. But he never hit me.

How many times did he tell me he was going to sleep, out for dinner with a client, couldn't hear his phone, but actually taking out another woman? How many times did he ignore my calls and call the next morning telling me nothing had happened? It was sadistic. I could see how much he enjoyed being that powerful. How many defamatory lies did he concoct and propagate to my old colleagues and friends when I walked away from him? How many times did he smear my reputation? How many times did I go back, believing every promise that he was a new man, believing every half-hearted apology? But he never hit me.

How many times did a friend pick me up because he had kicked me out of bed in the middle of the night for questioning him about one of the women? How many times did I go back before those friends had had enough. How many times did I defend him and justify his behavior when I told a friend about what he had done? When did I stop telling anyone altogether to avoid the shame of the insanity of the circumstances I was somehow in -- the shame of being a strong independent woman who couldn't take care of herself enough to leave a situation that was so toxic? When did I stop expecting more? But he never hit me.

How could I explain to someone that I believed it was partly my fault, even though I was embarrassed to hear those beaten woman's words spoken from my lips. No one really understood. No one knew him like I did. It was my job to protect him from the truth of what he did to me. I couldn't let them think he was a monster. I wouldn't tell anyone. I was entirely alone. But he never hit me.

My solitude meant that I could no longer see the reflection in other people's eyes indicating what was normal. I could only see the reflection in his eyes and began to believe what he told me about myself. I began to believe his irrational explanations despite my own heart and eyes. I let him define reality. I became isolated. It became easier to cut off my support networks completely than to have to lie about everything. Than to face the humiliation of my reality. A part of me knew that once they knew the extent of what was happening, they would force me to get out for good. I wouldn't be able to go back. I knew I would always need to even in the worst of times. But he never hit me.

I set a benchmark. The red line I wouldn't cross. The minute he hit me, I would leave. But the truth is, I know I wouldn't have left then either. I would have rationalized that in hitting me, he would realize how out of hand things were. Everything would change now. I wouldn't have left. By hurting me, he showed me he loved me. He cared enough to go that crazy. He cared so much that he was overwhelmed by anger or jealousy or sadness and simply couldn't control himself.

When it was over, I wasn't permitted to mourn him. No one could understand how love, hate, fear and comfort could coexist simultaneously. They could not understand that in addition to my abuser, I also lost my confidant, the person to make dinner with, the person to watch movies with on a rainy Sunday, the person to laugh with, the person who knew me. I lost my companion. How can you explain to someone that the abuse was only a part of who he was? How do you explain that to yourself?

There are still days when I remember tender moments and wonder if it really was that bad. I still struggle with reconciling how he could love me to the point of tears and yet hurt me as if I was an enemy. Like a child, I'm learning to redefine the borders of normal behavior and to realign my expectations. I remind myself that acts of violence can never be acts of love.

For the first time, I see my own reflection in other women who have emerged from the depths of such darkness. Indescribably courageous women whom I have never met, but who have shared their stories and in doing so, saved me. These women embraced me with their pain and unknowingly convinced me that I was not alone, that I am worthy of more. I hadn't believed that singular truth in a very long time.

Knowing that others were there has allowed the shame to dissipate. I used to default to the trained belief that I was crazy, overly sensitive or had imagined it all because I could not reconcile the love and the abuse. I have permitted myself to accept that both existed. Their stories have allowed me to forgive myself. To recognize how arbitrary that red line was. Seeing myself in their eyes has allowed me to name my abuser. To name my experience as an abused woman. And then to let go.

I pray now that my words will travel to the broken woman staring back at them and embrace her. I hope they equip her with the strength and love she needs to raise herself from the depths.

Xurtio · 01-13-2015, 05:49 PM

I am a feminist myself, a classical feminist - i.e. I think feminism is about two things:

1) equality of the sexes
2) acknowledgement that the inequality is currently in men's favor

However, I do think there are some domains where women have priveleges. For instance, a single male hanging out at a park will be considered a child molesstor more readily than a single female. Sex clubs charge single males the most and let single females in free, attesting to sexual value of women (that most of us are already aware of). There are also issues in divorce that can discriminate against men.

Of course, it's also region specific. I grew up in a red state blue-collar town. Sexism was obviously the norm there.

Sexism hurts boys too - we're expected to bottle feelings and chase tail to prove we're worthy of our genfer.

DwnWthVwls · 01-13-2015, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xurtio

I am a feminist myself, a classical feminist - i.e. I think feminism is about two things:

1) equality of the sexes
2) acknowledgement that the inequality is currently in men's favor

Nope, nope, and nope. That is totally dependent on what you're discussing. How can you claim that and then dispute it in the following few sentences?

Oriphiel · 01-13-2015, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DwnWthVwls

Nope, nope, and nope. That is totally dependent on what you're discussing. How can you claim that and then dispute it in the following few sentences?

Because women still get paid less than men on average for doing the same work? Because over a fourth of all female college students in America will be sexually assaulted/raped before graduating? Because there is still a large culture of domestic abuse and shaming worldwide? There are plenty of reasons for why someone might consider modern sexual equality to still be in favor of men. Paying a little extra to get into clubs and receiving shady looks when taking a stroll in the park are nothing in comparison.

But then again, I really have no interest in discussing this topic, especially since it usually turns into back-and-forth flaming. I just felt that I should point out that your nitpicking of his post wasn't exactly accurate and fair.

DwnWthVwls · 01-13-2015, 06:36 PM

The point of my post was to point out that it works both ways, which (s)he gave clear examples of in the following sentences. Inequality is in no one's favor it's just different. Here are some examples that are important and bend in women's favor:

-Lower test score requirements for physical jobs (fireman, police, etc)
-Child custody
-Domestic abuse

I don't start flame wars, I enjoy discussing things peacefully.

Oriphiel · 01-13-2015, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DwnWthVwls

Here are some examples that are important and bend in women's favor:

-Lower test score requirements for physical jobs (fireman, police, etc)
-Child custody
-Domestic abuse

WWWP · 01-13-2015, 06:45 PM

Oh boy.

01-13-2015, 05:49 PM	#585 (permalink)
Xurtio Brain Licker Join Date: Apr 2014 Posts: 1,083	I am a feminist myself, a classical feminist - i.e. I think feminism is about two things: 1) equality of the sexes 2) acknowledgement that the inequality is currently in men's favor However, I do think there are some domains where women have priveleges. For instance, a single male hanging out at a park will be considered a child molesstor more readily than a single female. Sex clubs charge single males the most and let single females in free, attesting to sexual value of women (that most of us are already aware of). There are also issues in divorce that can discriminate against men. Of course, it's also region specific. I grew up in a red state blue-collar town. Sexism was obviously the norm there. Sexism hurts boys too - we're expected to bottle feelings and chase tail to prove we're worthy of our genfer. __________________ H̓̇̅̉yͤ͏mͬ͂ͧn͑̽̽̌ͪ̑͐͟o̴͊̈́͑̇m͛͌̓ͦ̑aͫ̽ͤ̇n̅̎͐̒ͫ͐c̆ͯͫ̋ ̔̃́eͯ͒rͬͬ̄҉

11-10-2014, 05:31 PM	#581 (permalink)
~~John Wilkes Booth~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,235	this dude is hardcore.

11-10-2014, 05:49 PM	#583 (permalink)
~~John Wilkes Booth~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,235	i guess they deleted the post before mine. that new troll that was bumping all the old threads said feminism is sexist and egalitarianism is the way to go.

01-13-2015, 06:45 PM	#590 (permalink)
WWWP county fair energy Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 4,773	Oh boy.