Sequoioideae

Is anyone here good depression and extreme hostility? I've been having some problems lately with it, not enough to physically hurt someone, but it's still pretty bad. I've read that it's supposedly wanting to feel "strong or capable". I feel no need for either, just an obsessive need for people to hate me and to want to make people feel so miserable that they feel like utter garbage. I don't know why, but I've done this several times to force people away from me, and when in this state I've made people cry, and I've told them how worthless and disgusting they are just to watch them bawl even more. I don't feel strong when I do this, but I get off on how much they hate me. I've also faked being crazy in my moody states for some reason, I don't know why, but I go to such extents that I tell them I hear voices and that I can hear them say things like "You should kill yourself" and "I don't really like you" in some weird way in justifying my disassociation with friends/family. I've gone so far as to make my own mother cry and make her say she wants to kill herself, granted this hasn't happened in quite some time, and it was only once. Does anyone here with depression have a really sadistic side, or is it just me?

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Funnel From Another Lover

God Is My Solar System

John Wilkes Booth

maybe you are right tbh. it's more like my gut tells me we shouldn't let people off that easy. like yea people give their kids away and honestly i feel like they probably **** their kids lives up in doing so and so really i think they failed to meet their obligations in that regard. i feel like i don't want to lift that blame or burden just because they are ****ed up enough that their kids are better off without them.

for instance, when i was growing up i had this neighbor who smoked crack and had her kid steal for her and ****. she was such a terrible mom that her kid might have been better off in state custody, but i still think she was sort of a ****ty person for being such a terrible mom in the first place, regardless of what her weaknesses are.

i guess what you are saying is logical. i'm really not trying to argue with it just for the sake of it. but there is something in my gut that doesn't trust people, and feels like if we lift the burden of their obligations from them that more and more people will just flake out and society will become even worse than it is.

Xurtio

Some people who are experiencing depression still keep it together for their kids and family. So much so that it's often a surprise when they suddenly kill themselves and leave a letter.

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H̓̇̅̉yͤ͏mͬ͂ͧn͑̽̽̌ͪ̑͐͟o̴͊̈́͑̇m͛͌̓ͦ̑aͫ̽ͤ̇n̅̎͐̒ͫ͐c̆ͯͫ̋ ̔̃́eͯ͒rͬͬ̄҉

John Wilkes Booth

this thread is depressing as **** lol

ladyislingering

It's really strange to me when people react to "surprise" suicides by saying shit like "why would they do that?" or "their life was so good".



That person had a mental illness and all of you cunts were too busy thinking of yourselves or coveting the shit you thought they had over you to notice what they were going through. If they ever tried to talk to you, you either laughed at them or made them think that there was never a good time for them to seek comfort in your consolation.

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Chula Vista

STFU.

Really, you need to stop typing.

You haven't a f*cking clue.

Sorry, Ki.

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“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well,
on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away
and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

ladyislingering

oh, no, you disagreed with me.

heaven forbid you respond in a respectful manner instead of being a huge jerk for no reason at all.

Suicide is preventable through consistent care, but this care doesn't work when the sufferer's family and friends don't give them the time of day.

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The Batlord

Or they were keeping it all inside and presenting a brave face to the rest of the world. Depression generally comes with a lot of shame that makes you try to keep a "stiff upper lip" so that nobody else sees you for the hollow, useless shell you see yourself as. Even if people know a depressed person is down, it can be almost impossible to tell just how far down they are.

When you're that person, it can be easy to take it personally when others don't notice your pain, since it's your whole world, and you just don't understand how you can be going through something so profound, while the person five feet away from you thinks that mediocre tacos are the biggest problem anyone is having in their immediate vicinity. But it's pretty ****ing hard to know what's going on in someone else's head, so if you're not shouting your problems from the rooftops, then you shouldn't be surprised when nobody else really gets what you're going through.

Sure, sometimes we try to open up to family and friends about something, but in my experience, we view our attempt at confession as being more than it really is. If you're young, and tell people that you feel bummed, or you're "going through something", or you don't know why you can't get "it" together, well, that just kind of sounds like a moody young person whose hormones haven't properly balanced yet.

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ladyislingering

I think the "keeping it all inside to maintain" thing is more common in men but there are remarkable changes in behavior that are to be noted - a person may not explicitly tell you that they feel like **** 24/7 but it may show in their complete disinterest in things that once made them happy or kept them busy, or changes in their daily personal care - even changes in a person's vocabulary or tone of voice can be indicative of a mental struggle.

If someone is raised to believe that a requirement of being successful in life is to not have to ask others for help, to not have to speak to others on an emotional level or need them to help them care for their own hearts, that's also a problem. This is specifically problematic in males, as they're constantly conditioned to believe that feelings make them weak, silly, worthless, or (heaven forbid!) feminine. One thing that can ultimately counteract this is people in their lives telling them that they're able to listen to them, that they care for them, and that they won't judge them at all for their thoughts or feelings. Some things can be unlearned with time.

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The Batlord

Not just a male thing, it's often a family thing. My Irish Catholic family would rather pull their own tongues out than talk about "feelings", men or women. Can't tell you how many times I've been told to just suck it up by members of my family of both genders. And when you're surrounded by an entire group of people like that...

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