Would You Enter A Serious Relationship With An Amputee?

**Scarlett O'Hara** · 10-14-2010, 05:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedestrian

With out a doubt I'd date an amputee. Appearances are not terribly important to me either. I'm sure there is a point past which I would find I had no attraction to someone, but I have not yet found it. Part of how this works is that I do not feel attraction to a person until I find their personality appealing.

So how do you get 'attracted' to a girl in the first place? Out of interest.

Paedantic Basterd · 10-14-2010, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vanilla

So how do you get 'attracted' in the first place? Out of interest.

I fall for people after I make friends with them.

TheCunningStunt · 10-14-2010, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedestrian

I fall for people after I make friends with them.

You enter the friend zone and then fall for people?!

Paedantic Basterd · 10-14-2010, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheCunningStunt

You enter the friend zone and then fall for people?!

I know I suck, you don't have to tell me.

Freebase Dali · 10-14-2010, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedestrian

I know I suck, you don't have to tell me.

It's actually a smarter move. You get a chance to feel people out that way. And unless you're a perpetual screw up, you'll make fewer relationship mistakes by getting to know someone before you throw emotions into the picture and create the huge potential for a messy situation.
But obviously, if you don't take anything from the advantage of knowing someone before you get involved with them, then it's a wasted effort entirely.

May as well capitalize on your tendencies.

TheCunningStunt · 10-14-2010, 11:20 PM

Entering into a friendship with someone you like in a romantic way is too risky, unless it's a very casual friendship - more like dating. Going out for drinks etc.
There'd be nothing worse than being friends with someone, and they say the words "you're like a brother to me."
And then you'd have to suggest the awkward trip to Norfolk.

Paedantic Basterd · 10-14-2010, 11:21 PM

It's the other way around though, the friendship comes first.

Freebase Dali · 10-14-2010, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheCunningStunt

Entering into a friendship with someone you like in a romantic way is too risky, unless it's a very casual friendship - more like dating. Going out for drinks etc.
There'd be nothing worse than being friends with someone, and they say the words "you're like a brother to me."
And then you'd have to suggest the awkward trip to Norfolk.

Too risky?

Which is more risky, asking right away and getting rejected / becoming a friend then getting rejected / or diving into a relationship with someone you barely know and when your emotions are fully invested the person turns out to be your worst nightmare and screws up your dating perspective for long enough for the right girl or guy to have walked past your life dozens of times?

The first option is very low risk for "rejection". It's simply 50/50, but it's still only based on initial attraction and says nothing about the relationship should it actually happen.
The second option is of slightly higher risk because you could very well ruin a friendship that way, but if your goal wasn't simply a friendship to begin with, then you haven't lost much. (provided he/she wasn't your only friend...) The person in question didn't say she falls for lifelong friends, so we can assume she simply befriends them and sees where it leads.
The third option is the most risky. It's simply a matter of odds (horrible ones, at that) that you will end up with someone you can stand. The initial dating phase won't reveal much, because EVERYONE is on their best behavior during that time. And deeper relationships hinge on much more than whether you like the other person's music taste or not. It takes longer than a dating phase to really know someone.
But fortunately, there is a way to get the jump on it.

Befriend someone. Find out what you actually like about a person and don't force it. Go into it with absolutely no romantic expectations, and let the course of your friendship determine it. If you give it long enough, when D-Day comes, you have two possible outcomes:

1. The person rejects you. (which is also present in the other two options)
2. The person accepts, and you have a meaningful relationship that's based on a lot more trust and a lot less surprises than you would have in the other scenario.

There is a potential for rejection in all options, but the friendship option offers the highest potential for a SUCCESSFUL relationship, if one happens.

Remember... it's not quantity.. it's quality.

TheCunningStunt · 10-15-2010, 12:05 AM

Option number 1 sounds like you're just gonna come out with "Alright love, fancy a shag?"
I think there's a middle ground between option number 1 and option number 2.
Make your intentions be known to them, subtly let them know that you find them attractive and you want to build up something romantic, without heading into a relationship with someone you barely know.

Becoming a friend with someone, developing feelings and then letting them know how you feel is again a 50/50 thing. They might feel the same way, their feelings might have developed in the same way yours have.... Or they just see you as a friend and their feelings haven't really changed.

I've done the third option, delved into something with someone I barely knew - she turned out to be a mentalist. Sat on my chair in my room for 20 minutes, ignoring me, rang her friend, had a conversation - all because I text someone while I was with her.

I think the best option is something between option 1 and 2.
Going out together, flirting, having a few drinks, being friendly without being TOO friendly. But every single case is unique, sometimes you don't have an option.
Sometimes you'll just enter into an innocent friendship, and somehow develop feelings and just hope they feel the same way.

I want to find someone new, getting a bit sick of the bint I'm currently seeing.
I'm rubbish at the whole pulling strangers thing, I'm useless at striking up conversation with complete strangers.

Freebase Dali · 10-15-2010, 12:22 AM

You're still forgetting that most people in a dating stage are putting on their best face until they're in the relationship and sufficiently comfortable. If romance is the initial and main priority, then that's going to be a factor.. for both involved... just on different levels depending on what each person is in it for.

The idea behind what I was saying is instead of going out specifically to find a new relationship or even expecting one in new interactions is going to undermine things if you're out for honesty. While it would be kind of hard to completely forget that you want to be romantically involved with someone, letting natural friendship become the focus is going to be a more informative relationship guide than simply being led around by your dick or vag.

Let relationships happen because of what you see in someone, rather than being the result of how hot they get you, is all I'm saying. And to append, give yourself the opportunity for someone to prove your instincts right or wrong before you're emotionally invested. However you do that is fine... But to say, as you basically said, that being in a friendship before a relationship is a no-no... that's far off the mark my friend.

I wish Hollywood wouldn't promote that kind of thing, because I'm fairly sure that a majority of people only feel that way because of them.

View Poll Results: Well would you?
Yes	36	64.29%
No	9	16.07%
I'm Stumped	11	19.64%
Voters: 56. You may not vote on this poll

10-14-2010, 11:20 PM	#76 (permalink)
TheCunningStunt love will tear you apart Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Manchester, UK. Posts: 5,107	Entering into a friendship with someone you like in a romantic way is too risky, unless it's a very casual friendship - more like dating. Going out for drinks etc. There'd be nothing worse than being friends with someone, and they say the words "you're like a brother to me." And then you'd have to suggest the awkward trip to Norfolk. __________________ I don't feel and I feel great. Last FM

10-15-2010, 12:05 AM	#79 (permalink)
TheCunningStunt love will tear you apart Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Manchester, UK. Posts: 5,107	Option number 1 sounds like you're just gonna come out with "Alright love, fancy a shag?" I think there's a middle ground between option number 1 and option number 2. Make your intentions be known to them, subtly let them know that you find them attractive and you want to build up something romantic, without heading into a relationship with someone you barely know. Becoming a friend with someone, developing feelings and then letting them know how you feel is again a 50/50 thing. They might feel the same way, their feelings might have developed in the same way yours have.... Or they just see you as a friend and their feelings haven't really changed. I've done the third option, delved into something with someone I barely knew - she turned out to be a mentalist. Sat on my chair in my room for 20 minutes, ignoring me, rang her friend, had a conversation - all because I text someone while I was with her. I think the best option is something between option 1 and 2. Going out together, flirting, having a few drinks, being friendly without being TOO friendly. But every single case is unique, sometimes you don't have an option. Sometimes you'll just enter into an innocent friendship, and somehow develop feelings and just hope they feel the same way. I want to find someone new, getting a bit sick of the bint I'm currently seeing. I'm rubbish at the whole pulling strangers thing, I'm useless at striking up conversation with complete strangers. __________________ I don't feel and I feel great. Last FM

10-14-2010, 11:21 PM	#77 (permalink)
Paedantic Basterd Music Addict Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 5,184	It's the other way around though, the friendship comes first.

10-15-2010, 12:22 AM	#80 (permalink)
Freebase Dali Partying on the inside Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 5,584	You're still forgetting that most people in a dating stage are putting on their best face until they're in the relationship and sufficiently comfortable. If romance is the initial and main priority, then that's going to be a factor.. for both involved... just on different levels depending on what each person is in it for. The idea behind what I was saying is instead of going out specifically to find a new relationship or even expecting one in new interactions is going to undermine things if you're out for honesty. While it would be kind of hard to completely forget that you want to be romantically involved with someone, letting natural friendship become the focus is going to be a more informative relationship guide than simply being led around by your dick or vag. Let relationships happen because of what you see in someone, rather than being the result of how hot they get you, is all I'm saying. And to append, give yourself the opportunity for someone to prove your instincts right or wrong before you're emotionally invested. However you do that is fine... But to say, as you basically said, that being in a friendship before a relationship is a no-no... that's far off the mark my friend. I wish Hollywood wouldn't promote that kind of thing, because I'm fairly sure that a majority of people only feel that way because of them.