The Disorders and Character Flaws Thread

[Tea Supremacist]

Originally Posted by Rhovanion

I don't have anything (as far as I know) but I grew up with two younger brothers who both have ADHD, Tourette's and one of them also has Asperger's. While they were the ones suffering from the syndroms and no doubt had it the worst, it sure wasn't easy for the rest of us either.

I agree with you there. I suffer from depression, always have done since I can remember, it runs in the family (Christmas dinner is just a barrell of laughs... ) and a lot of my worry is what I'm doing to my family and friends.
I'm a pretty frank, open person and the type that hates those head-tilting, sympathetic looks, but my depression totally hit a new low this year when my other half and I lost a baby due to anencephaly. I'm totally not equipped to deal with sh*te like this at all. My problems are that I don't want to go back onto medication (I've had a few different ones prescribed over the years) because I don't want to become dependant and I don't like the kind of numbness they can bring on, I tried seeing a therapist several times, but it never helped any, but I need to do something because I can see how much what I do and what mood I may be in affects the people around me.
As anyone like this knows, you get good days, you get bad days. Tomorrow I might wake up and feel like I can do anything. Or I might wake up and want to stick my head in the oven. On those days, there's then the extra stress of putting on the game face so my mood doesn't affect everybody else. I have good friends and family and my other half has been a diamond through everything but, for instance, I know when I go visit him and I'm having a bad day and sit there and cry or stare into space for hours on end, there's nothing he can do, he feels useless and, let's face it, it can probably get pretty annoying for people in his position...

[Urban Hat€monger ?]

Disorders are just a cowards way out of being an asshole without having to admit to it.

[Guybrush]

I've recieved quite a few bumps to the head during my life, the worst bordering on quite severe. I have a reasonably good ability to completely immerse myself in something. My GF can't get any sort of response from me if I'm writing on the forums for example. It's not such a bad thing, but I sometimes wonder if the two - my ability to shut out the world and my accumulated brain damage - are related, hehe ..

When I was a teenager, I also suffered from general anxiety disorder as if that somehow describes well the particulars of my difficulties. Anyways, I understand now that it came from a lack of control and I managed to battle all that. For example way back then, I was a bit scared of driving in cars or sitting in the middle of a row in the cinema, situations that were hard to escape. Eventually, I managed to turn the tables on my fear. I told myself something along the lines of "right fear, you don't like me driving cars, do you? Well guess what, it's not your show, it's mine, and I'm gonna drive cars whether you scare me or not - right now!". Turning that into a general principle in my life gave results real fast.

What I learned then from working with myself emotinally have helped me later in life, for example when I lost much hearing in my right ear and got permanent tinnitus from a silly rifle accident I'm still somewhat of a worry wart, but I am capable of suppressing it (until I get kids I'm sure). The fear which was once great sometimes manifests itself, but it's usually a tiny squeaking voice in the back of my mind. If I notice it, I can still turn the tables on it. For example when I decided to move up to the arctic, a had some fearful distorted thoughts like "suicide rates are really high there, it's dark 4 months of the year, you might get scared up there!". I mentally replied with "Oh, so you wanna stop me moving to the arctic, do you, fear? Well, guess where I'm gonna go, you sucker!"

I also think part of what gets me through is that I'm an optimist at heart. Sometimes when I worry, I also think that I exaggerate my problems. So what if I have a little tinnitus for example? Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison and look at what he accomplished when he was released. People with bigger problems than me get by just fine. I'm gonna do fine as well, that's a promise to myself.

I would like to say at the end that growing up has helped a lot. Getting to know myself and the world I live in and becoming more comfortable with all that. Studying science helped as well. When I was younger, I had a distorted fear that my life would become an uncontrollable mess. It hasn't and I've learned that I've been capable of dealing with life's bumps in the road so far and that gives me confidence for the future. Some of you who have it hard now will find that out for yourself soon enough.

[Tea Supremacist]

Originally Posted by Urban Hatemonger

Disorders are just a cowards way out of being an asshole without having to admit to it.

Nah, I'm quite happy to admit I'm an utter asshole. I'm just super lucky and am officially mental to go with it

[Zaqarbal]

Why are so many "disorders" here? I thought I was the only "disordered". Not a "fountain of mental illness" but... well, I really don't know why I'm talking about this here, but among other things, there is something specially insidious to me: A f***ing sleepiness, consequence of a so-called atypical depression. I wonder if someone else suffers or have suffered the same thing. I personally can't express with words how frustrating can be, but I think Charles Bukowski did it better than anyone else. This can give you an idea:

"Here I'm supposed to be a great poet
and I'm sleepy in the afternoon
here I am aware of death like a giant bull
charging at me
and I'm sleepy in the afternoon
here I'm aware of wars and men fighting in the ring
and I'm aware of good food and wine and good women
and I'm sleepy in the afternoon
I'm aware of a woman's love
and I'm sleepy in the afternoon,
I lean into the sunlight behind a yellow curtain
I wonder where the summer flies have gone
I remember the most bloody death of Hemingway
and I'm sleepy in the afternoon.
some day I won't be sleepy in the afternoon
some day I'll write a poem that will bring volcanoes
to the hills out there
but right now I'm sleepy in the afternoon
and somebody asks me, "Bukowski, what time is it?"
and I say, "3:16 and a half."
I feel very guilty, I feel obnoxious, useless,
demented, I feel
sleepy in the afternoon,
they are bombing churches, o.k., that's o.k.,
the children ride ponies in the park, o.k., that's o.k.,
the libraries are filled with thousands of books of knowledge,
great music sits inside the nearby radio
and I am sleepy in the afternoon,
I have this tomb within myself that says,
ah, let the others do it, let them win,
let me sleep,
wisdom is in the dark
sweeping through the dark like brooms,
I'm going where the summer flies have gone,
try to catch me."

[Alfred]

OCD here but my parents don't see it as such a big thing that I need to go get psychiatric help.

Also pretty sure I have some weird phobia where anything medical, anatomical, or surgical makes me get really anxious and tense. Reading this thread has actually made me pretty uncomfortable. Maybe that just goes hand in hand with the OCD thing, I dunno.

[Freebase Dali]

Originally Posted by tore

I've recieved quite a few bumps to the head during my life, the worst bordering on quite severe. I have a reasonably good ability to completely immerse myself in something. My GF can't get any sort of response from me if I'm writing on the forums for example. It's not such a bad thing, but I sometimes wonder if the two - my ability to shut out the world and my accumulated brain damage - are related, hehe ..

When I was a teenager, I also suffered from general anxiety disorder as if that somehow describes well the particulars of my difficulties. Anyways, I understand now that it came from a lack of control and I managed to battle all that. For example way back then, I was a bit scared of driving in cars or sitting in the middle of a row in the cinema, situations that were hard to escape. Eventually, I managed to turn the tables on my fear. I told myself something along the lines of "right fear, you don't like me driving cars, do you? Well guess what, it's not your show, it's mine, and I'm gonna drive cars whether you scare me or not - right now!". Turning that into a general principle in my life gave results real fast.

What I learned then from working with myself emotinally have helped me later in life, for example when I lost much hearing in my right ear and got permanent tinnitus from a silly rifle accident I'm still somewhat of a worry wart, but I am capable of suppressing it (until I get kids I'm sure). The fear which was once great sometimes manifests itself, but it's usually a tiny squeaking voice in the back of my mind. If I notice it, I can still turn the tables on it. For example when I decided to move up to the arctic, a had some fearful distorted thoughts like "suicide rates are really high there, it's dark 4 months of the year, you might get scared up there!". I mentally replied with "Oh, so you wanna stop me moving to the arctic, do you, fear? Well, guess where I'm gonna go, you sucker!"

I also think part of what gets me through is that I'm an optimist at heart. Sometimes when I worry, I also think that I exaggerate my problems. So what if I have a little tinnitus for example? Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison and look at what he accomplished when he was released. People with bigger problems than me get by just fine. I'm gonna do fine as well, that's a promise to myself.

I would like to say at the end that growing up has helped a lot. Getting to know myself and the world I live in and becoming more comfortable with all that. Studying science helped as well. When I was younger, I had a distorted fear that my life would become an uncontrollable mess. It hasn't and I've learned that I've been capable of dealing with life's bumps in the road so far and that gives me confidence for the future. Some of you who have it hard now will find that out for yourself soon enough.

Man, it's cool to hear you pretty much overcame the anxiety. For me, it didn't start manifesting itself until more recently (within the past 7 years or so) and regardless of how much I try to psych myself out, I can't manage to push myself down to a baseline in new stressful situations. While it's 90 percent an inner battle that isn't perceivable to anyone else but me, it still seems like an insurmountable obstacle to try to convince yourself of how something is irrational when you already know it's irrational. It's like you literally have to reshape your brain and the chemical reactions that happen inside it in order to gain control of the thoughts and fears, because simply knowing they're not real isn't enough.

I read up a lot on this sort of thing and it appears as though medications are only temporary resolve, and where the real change happens is repeatedly facing your fears and learning how to deal with them therapeutically until they no longer exist. It's just really hard to do that on your own, which is probably why group therapy is successful enough to be standard.

Although compared to generalized anxiety I probably fit more into the social anxiety category, I think it's worth it to note your success in the matter as a basic template for how to deal with a lot of these types of issues and it's really commendable that you did it on your own.

[Guybrush]

Thanks Freebase

For me, it wasn't so much using rationality. I think that to your mind and body, becoming worried or scared in situations that have scared you before isn't necessarily irrational because even if the situation is harmless, you do have unpleasant experiences with it from before. I know some people are scared of spiders. If I had had a spider problem then, I think I would've been scared of getting scared when I met a spider if you know what I mean.

What helped was refusing to let fear control me so I would choose to do things, knowing very well that they would cause anxiety. Often, it would go better than I feared and even if it didn't, at least I was deciding what to do, not my fears. I externalized it in a way and refused to listen to it. It gave me back the control that the anxiety had stolen away from me. It took some time, but not long after I had actively started fighting it, I won just about every battle I had with my fears.

The change and the realization I could beat it didn't just happen out of the blue, though. For a long time, it was such a common feature in my life to be fearful, but then one day I was super excited about this IRC bot I was compiling and setting up .. nerdy, I know Still, later that day, I realized I had been so absorbed in what I was doing that I had forgotten about my anxiety. I had pretty much had a normal day! From then on, I knew that it was possible to have a life without fear, so I mentally grabbed a hold of the problem and actively decided to do something. I told my parents and even my teacher about how I felt which helped quite a bit and then I started battling it on my own. I went to a psychologist once and he said I was already well in a recovering stage where I would come out of it on top, so he didn't think I would need more counselling then.

He was right I think once you figure out the right way to battle it, there's only one way I think which is forward.

[DearJenny]

Originally Posted by Urban Hatemonger

Disorders are just a cowards way out of being an asshole without having to admit to it.

I'm quite the opposite. I'm too ****ing polite in RL for my own good.

[Freebase Dali]

Originally Posted by tore

Thanks Freebase

For me, it wasn't so much using rationality. I think that to your mind and body, becoming worried or scared in situations that have scared you before isn't necessarily irrational because even if the situation is harmless, you do have unpleasant experiences with it from before. I know some people are scared of spiders. If I had had a spider problem then, I think I would've been scared of getting scared when I met a spider if you know what I mean.

What helped was refusing to let fear control me so I would choose to do things, knowing very well that they would cause anxiety. Often, it would go better than I feared and even if it didn't, at least I was deciding what to do, not my fears. I externalized it in a way and refused to listen to it. It gave me back the control that the anxiety had stolen away from me. It took some time, but not long after I had actively started fighting it, I won just about every battle I had with my fears.

The change and the realization I could beat it didn't just happen out of the blue, though. For a long time, it was such a common feature in my life to be fearful, but then one day I was super excited about this IRC bot I was compiling and setting up .. nerdy, I know Still, later that day, I realized I had been so absorbed in what I was doing that I had forgotten about my anxiety. I had pretty much had a normal day! From then on, I knew that it was possible to have a life without fear, so I mentally grabbed a hold of the problem and actively decided to do something. I told my parents and even my teacher about how I felt which helped quite a bit and then I started battling it on my own. I went to a psychologist once and he said I was already well in a recovering stage where I would come out of it on top, so he didn't think I would need more counselling then.

He was right I think once you figure out the right way to battle it, there's only one way I think which is forward.

Ah, I see.
So it wasn't so much about controlling the fear itself as it was gaining control of the actions affected by fear.

Certain fears I have, like heights (being crippling... PARALYZING fears) I have no desire to ever want to lose, as I view it as anything but a handicap considering my lifestyle and aspirations... as I won't be needing to jump off of anything high or climb any skyscrapers any time soon... but others do affect my life in certain situations.
The problem is that the more I introduce myself into those situations, the more the fear becomes associated with them and it creates a negative feedback loop that seems counter-productive to the idea of therapeutic exposure, so I stay away for fear of making things worse until there's a better solution.
For me, that solution is alcohol... which is a magic elixir that completely transforms me into a normal person. It's obviously a dangerous position to be in... but to me, it's one damnation or the other, and the decision is far, far too easy to make.