Guybrush

Definetly, kids learn from their parents that it is okay for adults to hurt children and perpetuate that behaviour later in life. It's a vicious circle of violence which people need to stop defending and rather put an end to.

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s_k

Exactly my point Tore.
It's just an awful thing.
I honestly think (with all respect for those people) that any kid who has been physically or mentally abused or comes from a disfunctional family, shouldn't be have kids. I know this will never happen as everyone wants to prove they can do better.
But it's a vicious circle. You see it happening everywhere, every ****ing time.
Not just with bad behaviour, with any behaviour. You are always the kid of your parents. Both in your genes and in the way you are raised.

Then either the kid is having a serious mental problem, in which case it would be awful to punish him or her, as he or she can't do anything about it.
Either that, or the parents ****ed up.

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djchameleon

what would you suggest for the mental problem? seek therapy and drug your kid?

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Fame, fortune, power, titties. People say these are the most crucial things in life, but you can have a pocket full o' gold and it doesn't mean sh*t if you don't have someone to share that gold with. Seems simple. Yet it's an important lesson to learn. Even lone wolves run in packs sometimes.

s_k

Well I'm sure that would do a better job than hitting a kid .

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djchameleon

i'm okay with therapy but not with giving kids medication and doping them up based off of said therapy. I feel like that's abuse in and of itself.

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Fame, fortune, power, titties. People say these are the most crucial things in life, but you can have a pocket full o' gold and it doesn't mean sh*t if you don't have someone to share that gold with. Seems simple. Yet it's an important lesson to learn. Even lone wolves run in packs sometimes.

Guybrush

Something that bugs me about the "I turned out okay" argument is that when people say/write it, it seems like what they mean is that they are functional members of society, so that means they turned out okay, right? But being a functional member of society doesn't require you to be a happy and confident person. And "okay", is that really where the bar should be?

It's also hard to judge oneself from inside one's own head and even if you did turn out well despite being punished, people are different. How do you know it's not gonna negatively affect your kid's quality of life in the long term? He or she is not you.

Children are like sponges, in the time of life when we are most absorbant to knowledge and stuff like morale. It's really not the time we should be teaching them that any kind of violence is okay and watching that video with that mom torturing her kid who already got the message just makes me really angry.

My first thought is the right diet and something to do to burn off energy. Diet studies show that what you eat can have a real strong effect on behaviour and so avoiding sugars, milk and wheat products f.ex could help. I'd like to try that before going to the doctor, because getting a diagnose may be labeling your kid in a way which is not good in that it changes the way people and even the kid views him/herself.

If you watch the dog whisperer, the first thing he does with trouble-dogs is take them for a walk, activate them a bit. I'm sure a variation/extension of the same technique can help with kids as well.

edit :

And there are parenting courses of course I would like to get one when/before I become a father.

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djchameleon

that's a great idea, I think I will take that an apply it to my children if it turns out I have a bad seed on my hands.

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Fame, fortune, power, titties. People say these are the most crucial things in life, but you can have a pocket full o' gold and it doesn't mean sh*t if you don't have someone to share that gold with. Seems simple. Yet it's an important lesson to learn. Even lone wolves run in packs sometimes.

s_k

I dunno, there's some good therapy around, even with meds.
But this can, indeed, go horribly wrong.
Nevertheless, it's better than hitting a kid. At least you're trying to do something good. Hitting a kid that can't help itself seems like the worst idea I can think of.

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Urban Hat€monger ?

So having your kid addicted to all sorts of drugs at an early age is fine, yet a small slap if they do something wrong is 'abuse'.

Some people have got some incredibly screwed up priorities.

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s_k

You know, I see where you come from and you have a point.
I'm not sure what it's like overthere, but overhere it's best to get a diagnose as soon as possible. Even if it's a diagnose for sugar-sensitivity, it doesn't matter. It really helps to talk with other parents, schools etcetera.
People often think of a kid as 'a pain in the ass', but most of the time when you have an official note saying what's wrong, you are taken more seriously.
This is an awful thing, but it is true.
I got diagnosed with autism when I was 12. My parents had been going to therapists and such since I was 2 years old. They were always called overanxious parents, but in the end they turned out to be right.

Apart from the schoolthing, most trajects to help people with developmental disorders, are suited for people up to the age of 18. After that, good luck. There's no real therapy for adult autists. It's strange, but true.

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