Ah right. Never watched it.

From the Irish Times:

Last one to leave Ireland, please switch off the lights
Extract: Catherine Dunne’s An Unconsidered People on emigration’s rise and fall

I don’t disagree - but I thickness of skin relates more to how you handle the bullying, at least initially. Of course real bullies will lock in on thin-skinned targets, but those of us just in it for the sport aren’t actually out to hurt feelings.

Correlation does not equal causation, but there is certainly a link when it comes to scd lol. Also, calling them genuinely friendly ass dorks is not a stab at them, but rather at myself. It is I that is broken, we know this.

Oh absolutely. I think that friendliness doesn't even exactly determine who gets 'picked out' though. Anyway the discussion reminded me of a time when Hawk defended his own belligerent behaviour by claiming that it's either bullying or being bullied, I think that's a trap some people fall into with the 'bullied people are too nice' mentality

No not at all. Softness sure, but not friendliness. But presenting yourself as someone oozing warmth certainly invites a second look when choosing who gets poked at. It’s the law of the niceness as weakness spectrum.

There are people for whom being nice is a transaction: I'll be nice to you because I can't handle the frightening ambiguity of human relations (we never know what the other truly thinks), the possibility of irreciprocity and rejection, the likelihood of not getting the kind of reflection of yourself projected back to you that you'd like to get. So I need to control the environment by being really ****ing nice preemptively.

People who are preemptively rude to everyone are doing something similar btw. I've had plenty of students whose default behavior was some kind of belligerence and it too stems from deep seated insecurity.

Yeah that's all true

Certainly. Insecurity and fear of rejection = people-pleasing or people-pushing away. Both are forms of manipulative behavior.

Insecurity is my middle name

You're not broken Steph, unless you mean you've broken the mould. You're awesome and everyone loves you.

I try my best to be nice and friendly as a default, I certainly don't intend to manipulate anybody. But I do understand radiating niceness as a sort of shield, I don't disagree. I guess I was just raised to be polite, and I admit I don't quite see the point in being intentionally mean or rude.