The Handling of Personal Attacks Going Forward

**Frownland** · 07-07-2018, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

My point is (again, for the I don't know how manyth time) that once I realised he was saying that in response to a simple joke, totally unprovoked, considering the things he says, and has said, about me, yes I flipped out. Perhaps it wasn't the right way to handle it. I can accept that.

BUT

once I did, he should have backed off immediately and apologised. It was clear I was angry, was not taking it as a joke, and he continued to push me. THAT is what I have an issue with. I don't expect him to be clairvoyant, but when someone says "**** off that's not funny" it's a pretty clear indicator that it's time to stop, would you not agree?

Unless I missed something, I'm pretty sure that he's stopped making personal jokes toward you.

Quote:

He did, absolutely. He kept saying "you said I could" like a child, as if, once i had tacitly accepted the things he said there were to be no limits on what he could say. I'm baffled, honestly. There was never a meeting where we sat down, PMed each other and said "come at me bro". It just happened and I accepted it because as I've already said, I thought he knew not to go too far. And when he did, I thought he would back off.

He still never said that you couldn't reverse your decision. His response was because you acted extremely outraged as if he should already know where the line is when it's actually very muddled by your past relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

Yeah, as pissed off as I was that he wished AIDS on me from my sister?

He didn't actually wish it on you dude, it was a joke. And yes I know you were mad but that's not really a good reason to insult other members, is it? I was just trying to explain the situation, not justify it btw.

Quote:

I didn't expect him to go as far as he did, and again it was UNPROVOKED! This is what really annoys me. There was no back-and-forth. I made a simple joke and he exploded with that comment. Why can nobody understand this?

I think what you're missing here is that it was intentionally hyperbolic. Hyperbole is meant to be so over the top that it's not meant to be taken seriously. It was "provoked" by your punny joke that he was annoyed by so he responded with what he viewed as a light-hearted jab. There were just some posts in between that and he didn't quote you so it did seem a bit out of the blue.

Trollheart · 07-07-2018, 12:30 PM

I'm not saying I didn't overreact but it was uncalled for and completey disproportionate. He doesn't like my joke, he says **** you but he has no need nor right to bring Karen into it, for no reason. Obviously he didn't actually mean it, I know that, but it's a horrible, hurtful thing to say, even in jest.

The core issue - and it should be the only one - here is that regardless of any previous behaviour, perceived permission, relationships etc, when someone tells you you've gone too far that should be it: no excuses, no complaints, no blaming the other party for "letting you do it", no attempts to justify their behaviour. It. Should. Stop. Immediately.

There can be no other argument. You go too far, you shut the **** up and back off. You don't, you're in trouble. And in the wrong.

**Frownland** · 07-07-2018, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

I'm not saying I didn't overreact but it was uncalled for and completey disproportionate. He doesn't like my joke, he says **** you but he has no need nor right to bring Karen into it, for no reason. Obviously he didn't actually mean it, I know that, but it's a horrible, hurtful thing to say, even in jest.

The core issue - and it should be the only one - here is that regardless of any previous behaviour, perceived permission, relationships etc, when someone tells you you've gone too far that should be it: no excuses, no complaints, no blaming the other party for "letting you do it", no attempts to justify their behaviour. It. Should. Stop. Immediately.

There can be no other argument. You go too far, you shut the **** up and back off. You don't, you're in trouble. And in the wrong.

Mostly, ja, but people are free to defend themselves. There is such a thing as overreaction.

Chula Vista · 07-07-2018, 01:28 PM

100 degrees out already and the sky is getting all dark and gloomy and I think....

Whoops, wrong thread.

The Batlord · 07-07-2018, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

I'm not saying I didn't overreact but it was uncalled for and completey disproportionate. He doesn't like my joke, he says **** you but he has no need nor right to bring Karen into it, for no reason. Obviously he didn't actually mean it, I know that, but it's a horrible, hurtful thing to say, even in jest.

The core issue - and it should be the only one - here is that regardless of any previous behaviour, perceived permission, relationships etc, when someone tells you you've gone too far that should be it: no excuses, no complaints, no blaming the other party for "letting you do it", no attempts to justify their behaviour. It. Should. Stop. Immediately.

There can be no other argument. You go too far, you shut the **** up and back off. You don't, you're in trouble. And in the wrong.

I think there's a fair argument to be made when the "injured" party is being inconsistent, self-righteous, and douchey.

Key · 07-07-2018, 01:44 PM

Group hug?

Oriphiel · 07-07-2018, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chula Vista

100 degrees out already and the sky is getting all dark and gloomy and I think....

Whoops, wrong thread.

*pulls Chula back in*

No no. Right thread.

Chula Vista · 07-07-2018, 01:46 PM

One thing I've been trying to do when I'm interacting with a member and it starts leaning negative, is to imagine that we're sitting across from one another grabbing a bite of lunch.

"Is what I'm about to type something I'd be willing to say to this person if we were sitting 3 feet apart?"

Obviously not a cure all, but I think it's been improving my forum presence.

Mindy · 07-07-2018, 01:48 PM

sorry to my attacks on sock puppet accounts/people

Oriphiel · 07-07-2018, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chula Vista

One thing I've been trying to do when I'm interacting with a member and it starts leaning negative, is to imagine that we're sitting across from one another, grabbing each other's balls.

Yes

07-07-2018, 12:30 PM	#202 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,992	I'm not saying I didn't overreact but it was uncalled for and completey disproportionate. He doesn't like my joke, he says **** you but he has no need nor right to bring Karen into it, for no reason. Obviously he didn't actually mean it, I know that, but it's a horrible, hurtful thing to say, even in jest. The core issue - and it should be the only one - here is that regardless of any previous behaviour, perceived permission, relationships etc, when someone tells you you've gone too far that should be it: no excuses, no complaints, no blaming the other party for "letting you do it", no attempts to justify their behaviour. It. Should. Stop. Immediately. There can be no other argument. You go too far, you shut the **** up and back off. You don't, you're in trouble. And in the wrong. __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

07-07-2018, 01:28 PM	#204 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	100 degrees out already and the sky is getting all dark and gloomy and I think.... Whoops, wrong thread. __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

07-07-2018, 01:46 PM	#208 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	One thing I've been trying to do when I'm interacting with a member and it starts leaning negative, is to imagine that we're sitting across from one another grabbing a bite of lunch. "Is what I'm about to type something I'd be willing to say to this person if we were sitting 3 feet apart?" Obviously not a cure all, but I think it's been improving my forum presence. __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

07-07-2018, 01:48 PM	#209 (permalink)
Mindy ask me about cosmology Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Milky Way Galaxy Posts: 9,016	sorry to my attacks on sock puppet accounts/people __________________ https://www.instagram.com/shhons_meme_agency

07-07-2018, 01:44 PM	#206 (permalink)
Key . Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 13,153	Group hug?