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[The Batlord]

The Paul Saga - Part 1:

Spoiler for Prepare for the crazy...:

Originally Posted by Flyingpig437

Told my only friend who I've known for 25. Yrs.I hated him this morning. He did something a few yrs ago that is the thing I hate most but he was the only irl friend I had so I've basically just been using him for past 2 yrs cause I didn't want to have no one to text n talk to n that was before I moved in to a bedsit in town where I don't even have my parents to talk too. Bit sad state of affairs but his Schadenfreude was unforgivable.
Here's the text convo for anyone who's interested.

Me: Btw I got outta dat 3 contract...so y can stop smiling about it now. I'm still not quite sure y u found it somert t smile about in the first place

Paul: What u goin on about, i never 'smiled' about owt.

Me: Course y dint...n y dint go bitchin on to les about mi either did yer?

Me: Anyway I hate yer ****in guts now n wish id never got bak in touch. Don't think I don't know y only talk t mi cause of yer batty obsession wi mi goldigging poncey **** brother. Stop ****un texting mi. Wish I cud ****in block yer. There I've said it. Bin wanting t say it a while. Time for mi t get a bettter friend.

Paul: NO, I DIDNT!! Go bitchin to les about u. Would appear that its "have a pop at paul day', well gee orr.

Me: No.its stop using Paul coz he's the o.ly 'friend' uve gotday. I really Dont like u y know. Avnt done for a while but was too scared of being totally friendless to tell you to get fuked. Ive got Cheryl t talk to now so um telling you to gwt ****ed. You n yer fascinating texts about bus reg. No.s ha ha ha.

Paul: What an evil, horrid, thoughtless, nasty, vile thing to say. 1, cant stand ya EVIL **** of a brother, after all those yrs of upset he caused me. U arnt an angel either, ****tin in sarnies, far frm what a friend shud do. If thats really what type of person u 'think' i am, then fine, u r sooo very wrong.

Paul: I dont believe u can be so horrid, cant help but think av woke up back in the 80s, when u and that **** OF A BRUVAH of yours nd J n SI, BULLIED N Picked on me just to have a laugh. My God, i truely thought u were a real friend, well, ya obviously as bad as u were in the 80s. I cannot believe what motive u have had over the last 3-4 yrs. I am amazed that u r being like this.

Paul: Well, what can i say, it wont be the last time i get used in life. U really have shocked me. Enjoy ya life.

Paul: U appear to flatter ya sen, thinking that i constantly talk about u all the time, well, no, i dont. Its good to get new friends in life, sometimes its good to leave the past behind. I wont bother you anymore.

Me: Good. That means Uve pissed mi off for the last time

Paul: At least u have got to bollox to tell me how it really is. That 1 good thing. You were the last person i thought that would use me. Live and learn tho.

Me: Look. I wasn't using u per se...u just pissed mi off so I dint really wanna b friends anymore...that was 2 yrs ago I've not bin able to just shrug it off. Y shunt get a kick outta yer 'friends' problems...y must think yer nice all the ****in time or somert n guess ****in what?..yer not!. A/w that's that. I'm not going to reply anymore. if u wanna stay friends wi people u shud learn not t av Schadenfreude.. Google it.

Me: N Ure obviously still bearing grudges from 20 yrs ago so wtf were u even trying t b friends wi me for? Eh?

Paul: Never thought i was perfect. U have made it crystal clear, friends are just things in my life i DONT WANT OR NEED. I am thick, and ****ing stupid,

Paul: I dont forget when somebody duz that type of thing, just to get a cheap laugh at my expence.

Me: So y the **** did y even bother t reply t mi on friends reunited then?

Paul: Because i wanted to be ya friend, just cos u did the '****ty thing', dunt mean we had to be enemies for eternity. It was a vile thing to do, we all do daft things in life. Av other friends who have done worserer things to me, i still talk to em. U appear to get off on using me cos u didnt av any or many friends, summat not to be proud of. Tis an extremely hurtful and horrid thing to do, and something i thought u would NEVER DO.

Originally Posted by Flyingpig437

Btw he is gay and obsessed with my brothr...just to add a bit of context. Don't believe a word of that bout hating my brother. When my brother sent him an email a few yrs ago he almost got his cock out and started frapping off right in front of me over it. And for a bit more context when I was 15 on a day out somewhere, someone, and it probably was me although i can't rember doing put **** in one of his sandwiches aka sarnies.

Originally Posted by Ki

Originally Posted by CanwllCorfe

Man.

Originally Posted by Flyingpig437

I'm starting more and more to see days like days in prison where I'm just ticking them off until I get out although when i get out this time I get out and ****iin' stay out and there won't be anyone, not even people irritated or w/e with how I post on forums, this and the other's I'm on where my **** goes down like a lead Zeppelin, gonna be too freakin' sorry about it. In other worlds I just can't ****in' wait to die now...I mean I can't wait to die now. A/w another one down. Bury my knees at wondered corpse!

Originally Posted by Flyingpig437

Walked into town today to buy a coat and on the way out saw Cheryl, I'm not 100% it was her but think it was, bent over and I thought she was about to puke on the pavement but she was just spitting or spitting something out. Pure class is our Chez! ha ha ha. I didn't speak to her 'cause she was with somone and I was in a shy mood. I only crossed the rd. a bit in front of her and was a bit disapointed she didn't shout me. i hope she didn't think I was shunning her or anything like that. If she'd have been on her own I'd have gone and had a chat and maybe invited her back here for something to eat altough I'd probably get thrown out 'cause a guy in the bedsit opposite got thrown out a few months ago because his bird was on the game so they'll just not give Cheryl a chance and just think she's trouble. A/w I had £10 more in my bank than I thought so I might go nad watch the match in town tonight which means walking through the red light area and maybe bumping into her and then swapping no.'s so I've got somone to text to and talk to again after finally letting my one and only friend know that I'd be harbouring bad feeling against him for something he said 2 yrs. ago which just made me hate his guts.

Originally Posted by James

This thread has gotten really weird lately.

What did he say?

Originally Posted by FETCHER.

It totally happened.

Originally Posted by James

I saw that part haha. I'm just wondering what he said two years ago that could cause such a rift between them?

Originally Posted by Flyingpig437

Well that's not getting to get talke about so you'll just have to wonder. but as you'd have gathred if you read the texts I posted he had a Schadenfreude moment that engendered maximum resentment and hatred but 'cause he was the only friend I had I was too scared of having no one to talk and text to to **** him off until yesterday morning when I did. Also we went on a bender about 3 weeks ago, the first day I met Cheryl as it happens, and during the reveleries he let slip something I can't quite remeber which shocked me and revealed the extent of his resentment of how I and my brother and some mates picked on him when we were kids although he was 3 yrs. older than us . He also a few yrs. ago sent me a drunken text saying something like 'how would you feel if you're life was made a misery by someone who is now trying to be friends with you etc. etc. etc. to which I replied 'are you on about me?' to wich he replied he wasn't but I was convinced he was and had just let it all out in a drunken text rant and then got scared that if he fell out with me he'd blow his chances of meeting my brother again.
a/w I came back on here to say before I replyed to that poster...I've had a tiny bit of good news which is helping me in my ever recurring battle against wanting to end it all...the local housing ass. have put me on the books which means I might only have to tough out 1 more winter in this freezing house and also I've found that there's some flats I can apply to move to that are quite near here which prior to becoming infatuated with Cheryl wasn't really something I cared about. Now it's imperative.

Originally Posted by James

Tbh, it sounds like Paul is the victim in this situation. If you're not saying what he did that was so bad I am taking his side. #teampaul

Originally Posted by FETCHER.

I am so on Cheryls side.

Originally Posted by James

Cheryl could do so much better than this guy. Cheryl and Paul should hook up.

Originally Posted by the batlord

same here. It doesn't sound like he's really done anything. If he said something that's made you hate him but not say anything for two years that sounds like your issue. And telling him that you've been using him as a friend for two years is pretty shitty of you.

but paul's gay. But a drugged out whore and a confused gay guy would be an epicly interesting romance. I think i might have to agree with you again.

Originally Posted by FETCHER.

It would be such an unexpected twist. It's so intriguing.

Originally Posted by The Batlord

And then, when they're seemingly in love Flyingpig's brother should show up and start trying to get with him, but he's really just playing with his head.

Originally Posted by FETCHER.

Exactly! Then Flypig will need to get all involved again to get his brother out of a mess. So disastrous.

Originally Posted by The Batlord

But having been betrayed by his new friend...Jack...who was just using him to smuggle drugs out of Mexico (yeah, I'm pretty sure he's from England, but just go with me on this) but turned snitch on him when the cops arrested him, FlyingPig now feels guilty over having been a jerk to Paul, but is conflicted because he still loves his brother and is now caught in the middle. And Cheryl is pregnant.

Originally Posted by James

Then we discover that Cheryl was never pregnant, it was actually her twin sister who she was separated from at birth. But flypig had already fallen in love with both of them! Which will he choose?

Originally Posted by The Batlord

The twin sister was given up for adoption and is bitter that Cheryl got to have the glamorous life of a drug whore, so she has kidnapped Cheryl and is keeping her in her basement. But she falls in love with Paul and tells him, hoping that he will keep her secret and that they can then kill Cheryl and cover it up. But FlyingPig confronts them both before Paul has a chance to decide...

Originally Posted by FETCHER.

Then it turns out that flypig had a love child with pauls mum, so Cheryl and her twin murdered her and are running from the cops in Thailand. Paul phoned flypig to see how he was doing after all the drama and flypig hears his brothers voice in the background!!!!!! OMG!!!

Originally Posted by James

Flypig goes into a blind fit of rage and hunts down Paul. A firefight insues but a stray bullet hits Flypig's brother. On his deathbed he tells Flypig that he isn't his brother, he is his father!

Originally Posted by The Batlord

He also tells Flypig that he had a love affair with Paul's mom, and so Flypig and Paul are half brothers.

Originally Posted by James

Would that mean Paul had an affair with his own father?

Originally Posted by FETCHER.

Technically yes, but neither of them knew the truth.

Originally Posted by The Batlord

This is that kinda show.

Originally Posted by Flyingpig437

He's been using me as far as om concerned.Don't forget he's been exorcising resentments from 25 yrs. ago wen I was 15 and put some **** in his sandwich. I mean who didn't put **** in their friends sandwiches for a laugh when they were 15? And if he hates my brother; who btw he hasn't seen since 1991,so much as he said he did in one of those text then why did he coo over it wen my brother sent him an email not long after id got in touch with him again after he'd told me and id passed on to Paul that he didn't want anything to do with Paul. Honestly it was pathetic the way he said 'I've got an email from your Richard'.
I actually accused him of only being friends with me in the hope of meeting my brother again when we were drunk and he said 'your Richard will always be a part of my life...he always has and always will be' and when I brought it up again a year or so later he started renouncing Richard saying he preferred me cause I was a nicer person, say whaaaaaaaa?, and my brother was a **** who had caused him no end of misery but the only reason my brother was a **** to him was by not letting Paul sodomise him whenever he so pleasth and by,the moment he found Pauls diary detailing every instance he'd met my brother since they first met 6 yrs. previously when my brother was only 13 yrs old, Paul was 17 BTW, moving out of the house they were sharing postehaste!

Originally Posted by Flyingpig437

So...I've finally pluckd up the courage t try n build bridges wi Paul. I've sent im dis via the medium of sms. It might bi a bit tricky t follow coz sum n it is in Yorkshire slang n then the yorkshire slang has bin terned in t text slang but a/w...ere u r...my attempt t reconcile wi Paul.
Hi. Look. I'm really sorry about what I said the other day. All that happened was you said somert a few yrs ago that masively pissed me off and I was thinking if I had other people to social intercousre wi wud I still gi u d time of day n there were times that I thought 'no I fuuckin wouldn't' n there were times wen I
thought 'if I won the lotto then even though Paul massively pissed mi off id still b happy t sort I'm aht wi a few sheets n whatnot' . so sometimes I were only been friends wi yer cause I was scared a bin lonely n times I were thinking ill just forget about that grudge I ad about wat u sed.' So the other day I just was in a ****ty mood n let it all out n like I've bin sayin it was partly true but partly not true too. Unnerstann? Anyway. I'm sad n lonley now n regret it so obviously the balls in your court....if y wanna tell mi 2 **** off then tell me to **** off then tell me to **** off but if you wanna accept mi apology n put it behind us then I'd be really grateful. N like I sed am just really sorry

Originally Posted by FETCHER.

Originally Posted by Flyingpig437

Enxcoutnerd another prostitiute last night. She was just walking along in the opposite direrection so I wasnt sure she was on fhe game also there were a few other people in the immediate versinity. Whnhn she saw me looking at her, i had to stare at her a bit hard cause I need glasses to see well close-up, she asked me if I smoked I said no then as she just went passed me a bit she just said 'business?'. I stopped and turned round n after an akward pause asked her if Cheryl was about...obviously she didn't wanna say and just said she didn't know 'anybody' and I felt a bit of a fool. She was pretty and healthy looking unlike Cheryl whos apeal to me is down to her charisma although she is quiet attractive but not healthy looking....even when she's not slumped on the pavement against a signpost in a heroin induced coma. There was another woman who I passed a few hundred ft. further along who was almost certainly on the game and might even have been Cheryl but I avoided looking at her long enough to make out her facial features. If it had been Cheryl I'm sure she'd av stopped me if for no other reason than to cadge a quid and 1/2 for some kebab meat n chips but I'm 1/2 expecting her to ignore me now cause I crossed the rd. in front of her the other day and she might have thought I didn't want to be seen with her in broad daylight in a busy town centre but I was just being shy cause she was with someone. Itd be iroinic if she thogut I was ignoring her considering I've hardly stopped thinking about her since I first met her. A/w I'm pretty sure it wasn't Cheryl cause after coming back home to get a tenner and walking back into town to get a bit drunk so it'd put mi in the right frame of mind to text Paul, and obviously I was still hoping to meet Cherl and take her for a drink, walked passed what I'm sure was the sqame woman blatantly stood on a corner but I put mi head down and avoided eye contact and she didn't ask me if I wanted business in case I was looking for business and didn't realisie she was a prostitute because I guess she just figued it was so obvios I was, rather ironically, putting my head down and walking on by knowing she was on the game.
Oh yeah and a car pulled up as I was walking back from town full of chavs one of whom squirted me with a water pistol. I think it was just normal water luckily it wasnt acid or anything like that. The other thing I thought it might be was that smart water shops spray on thrives or w/e the **** it is.

Originally Posted by The Batlord

As opposed to the rest of your totally coherent posts?

Originally Posted by Janszoon

I have to admit I picture Andy Capp any time I read one of them.

Originally Posted by Urban Hat€monger ?

I thought he was having a seizure

Originally Posted by The Batlord

No, that was Cheryl after an overdose.

Originally Posted by FETCHER.

during her pregnancy.

Originally Posted by Urban Hat€monger ?

Wasn't me, I had a vasectomy.

Originally Posted by FETCHER.

Did you actually have a vasectomy? :O

Originally Posted by The Batlord

But it didn't take, and now you are actually the father of Cheryl's baby. Oh snap!

[The Batlord]

The Paul Saga - Part 2:

Spoiler for It continues...:

Originally Posted by Flyingpig437

Unexpectedly got myself a new phone today. Just thought I'd have a gander in CEX to swee what they had and there was one called Galaxy Ace gt which looked like it might be a suitable replacement for my HTC wildfire ****e. They gave me 67 for my HTC and the Galaxy was 65 so I made 2 quid and got a phone that hasn't got a **** camera/camcorder and best of all the wi-fi hotspot works solving not only my laptop internet connex problem but also my loneliness problem. Paul's not replied to my text from last night. Part of me thinks I did the right thing 'cause he offended me mightilty 2 yrs. ago but we've known each other for 25 yrs although we were only really in touch from 83-90 & 08 or 09-the day before yesterday. ha ha ha. and so I do feel a bit sentitmental that all that friendship and time has been thrown in the garbage. What really pisses me off now is that although I did think if i won the lotto I'd make him pay for what he said at other times I thought I'd treat him to a few nights out and a new phone and pay for him to go on holidays or trips to see solar eclipses and ****, Unlike my brother who I know I never give anythhing to if I won the lotto...not even the time of day. Except money to pay for medicl bills if one of his brats had some ultra-rare form of leukima that only a top Yank doctor could treat. So if he didn't get that positive thing from my text last night and just focused on the fact I'd told him I'd just been using him and hated his guts etc. etc. then maybe he should have. I've also realised he's now just thinking he's been used and pissed about that when he should be thinking 'what a crap friend I must have been to drive someone to treat my like ****'. ha ha ha.

Originally Posted by The Batlord

This is your brain.



This is your brain on narcissism.

Originally Posted by Flyingpig437

Nothing you or anyone else will say will deminish my hapiness at my logic in that post. I decide w/e or not psul was out of order in what je said. He massivey pissed me off and thats cost him a good friend. His shaudenfraude was unforgivable.

Originally Posted by The Batlord

Given how you've posted just about every single thought that seems to flit through your head, I lean on the side of believing that whatever Paul said or did, either wasn't that bad or it would paint you in an unflattering way, or you would have just posted it already so that we could all tell you how sorry we feel for you and what a jackass Paul is. So I'm sorry, but without further info, you still sound like a self obsessed narcissist.

Originally Posted by Flyingpig437

Right well...ill just have to live with that profound torment wont I?

Originally Posted by The Batlord

Indeed.

[Lisnaholic]

Derek, Cheryl and the Flyingpig!! I´d forgotten about that guy too. Thanks for the reminder, Jans and Bats. There were some very specific and private confessions, weren´t there? At first I thought, Why is he writing all this?. Second time I thought, Why am I reading all this?, but by then of course it was too late; I was already hooked on the unfolding soap opera. Not many posters have brought a cast of characters to life like that.

EDIT: Thanks for doing the research, Batlord. Total lol !

[The Batlord]

Yeah, if you wanna get the dish on the whole Cheryl thing, you're gonna have to do that on your own. He posted SOOOOOOOOO much about Cheryl. I wouldn't be totally surprised if Flyingpig disappeared from the board cause he got arrested after Cheryl's dismembered corpse was discovered in his freezer.

Now I wish I'd pushed the issue in trying to find out what it was that Paul supposedly did to start this whole feud. Flyingpig's been gone for years now, so the chances that I will ever find out are slim to none.

[Lisnaholic]

Originally Posted by The Batlord

Yeah, if you wanna get the dish on the whole Cheryl thing, you're gonna have to do that on your own. He posted SOOOOOOOOO much about Cheryl. I wouldn't be totally surprised if Flyingpig disappeared from the board cause he got arrested after Cheryl's dismembered corpse was discovered in his freezer.

Yes, if I were Cheryl, I´d be looking over my shoulder: after all, how would you feel if you were innocently vomiting in the street and looked up to see that Flyingpig was following you, under the pretext of shopping for a coat ?

Now I wish I'd pushed the issue in trying to find out what it was that Paul supposedly did to start this whole feud. Flyingpig's been gone for years now, so the chances that I will ever find out are slim to none.

^ Unless he turns up to write a prequel, we´ll probably never know what happened that terrible night...

[The Batlord]

Whatever it was, I'm assuming it had something to do with Flyingpig putting **** in Paul's sandwich.

[Janszoon]

Do you think Flyingpig's Derek is the same Derek that posts all those K-pop videos here? That would be fantastic.

[The Batlord]

Dude... Paul.

PAUL.

PAUL!!!!!!!!

[Pet_Sounds]

I just choked on my lasagna. That was a good read.

[Lisnaholic]

Originally Posted by Janszoon

Do you think Flyingpig's Derek is the same Derek that posts all those K-pop videos here? That would be fantastic.

^ I never pay much attention to that thread, but you´re right, a neat, novelesque coincidence like that would be perfect. Maybe Flyingpig stole Derek´s K-pop collection to pay for Cheryl´s favours one night. Either that, or Derek is none other than Trollheart.

(And welcome back, btw, Pet_Sounds !)