Trollheart's Mean and Sometimes Amusing Reviews of Albums He Didn't Like
 

If there's one thing you can say about me (to my face anyway; I know what you people are like) it's that I won't discount any album or artist without giving them a fair shot. This has led to my reviewing albums that let's say did not impress me, made me laugh outright, throw up my lunch or otherwise negatively affected me. Sometimes, as in the first one here, this was due to a challenge thrown down, sometimes it was as a special request from someone, sometimes it was just sheer bloody mindedness on my part: it can't be that bad, I would think, and then when it was, I'd make a laugh out of it.

I'm not a mean person (no I'm not) but if something deserves to be torn apart and there is no pack of hyenas or jackals handy, I'll do the job. I'll always try to do so with humour, and while it's always possible someone may take offence, none is intended, so my advice to you if you feel that way about any of the reviews here is to suck it. :p:

While these albums may not exactly be recommended and are not destined to set the world alight (actually, this ****ing thing next may be) the reviews will, I hope, at least provide some mirth and humour. If not, then go **** yourselves.

Peace!

Originally Posted February 12 2014 in The Playlist of Life

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Believe - Justin Bieber - 2012 (Schoolboy)

Disclaimer: Trollheart wishes to make it clear that he is only doing this because a challenge was issued by Briks, and he does not like to turn down a challenge (see “Classic albums I have never heard”).

I love Canada. Really. I'm a big fan. If there were two places I could live if I had the money and the opportunity they would be the Cotswolds in England and Canada. Everyone there seems so nice, life seems to go at a more relaxed pace and apart from Americans slagging them off, nobody seems to hate Canadians.

Except this one.

Bieber is the one thing that sours my love of Canada. I mean, he would be bad enough if he came from the US of A, where pretty boy talentless so-called popstars at ten a penny, or a thousand for a dollar. But no. He doesn't even have the good taste to be American. He has to sully Canada's good name by dragging it into his puerile attempts at music. Yeah, nice and unbiased, huh? Come on! What did you expect? I'm doing this under duress and against my better judgement. All right all right, let's listen to the damn thing. But first (try to put it off for as long as possible) some background, for those of you with enough taste not to know who this kid is.

First of all, and without any fear of correction at all, I can tell you he is a bastard. His parents were never married so he was born out of wedlock. What? I'm only stating the facts. Bastard, bastard, bastard. Oh, and the day he was born Satan grinned and Hendrix, Marley and Elvis all groaned. I made that last bit up. I think.

His mother, showing staggeringly poor judgement, refused to abort the baby against advice from her friends, and then doggedly pushed him towards a career in music. Thanks a lot Patricia Mallette! Guess we have you to thank for unleashing the musical equivalent of the antichrist upon us! To be fair, she had to raise baby Bieber on her own as a single mother, and worked two jobs to feed the family, which no matter what else you have to admire. And, yes, pain me though it does, I have to admit that Bieber apparently taught himself how to play the guitar, piano and drums, so he's not just a singer. Damn it! I want to slag him off and call him a talentless prick, but it's really not turning out like that. Stop it!

After making various videos of cover songs and posting them on YouTube, Bieber was discovered and offered a recording contract, and the rest is sadly history. He now has an army of fans, has sold over fifteen million records (are there that many gullible people in the world? It would seem so!) and is worth well in excess of fifty million dollars. This is his third album, the one in which he apparently wants to step away from the teenybop music of the last two, and be taken as a serious artiste. Yeah well, I'll be the judge of that!

So then, there's no putting it off any more. Time to hit play and grit my teeth, and see what I've let myself in for. I think I'm known for as unbiased reviews as I can do, so I don't want to put this down without a proper listen, but I'm not expecting my already-made-up mind to be altered over the course of the next forty-eight minutes and nine seconds...

So we start off as I expected, with an annoying pop uptempo dancy song with that blasted autotune all over the place. Could be any boyband or slef-important singer singing “All Around the World”. Plenty of “Woh-oh-oh”s and buzzy synth with club-style percussion and a breathy vocal. Apparently this song features someone called Ludacris. I don't know who he is. I also don't care. Meh. Next. While that plays out, let's at least give the guy some more credit (must we? Yeah, I have to be equitable) - he also writes his own music. Every track here is co-written by him with another songwriter, though there are none he writes solo. You have to admire anyone who can write their own songs.

Okay, enough credit. Let's get back to slagging him off. That first track was godawful, but “Boyfriend” is slower with handclap drums and a low vocal, sort of low-key Backstreet Boys kind of thing. Not too bad, and I say that with the unspoken understanding that every track here is just different levels of awful. The lyric is inspired certainly: ”If I was your boyfriend/Never let you go/ Keep you on my arm girl/ You'd never be alone.” Sigh. It's less grating on the nerves than the opener, but not much. Imagine Dragons, Script, anyone could have written this. Another yearning vocal in “As Long As You Love Me”, but it's not the old BSB song, which I kind of had expected. Rumbling, staccato drums in a slow pattern and soaring, squealing synth. This features Big Sean. Yeah. Oh look: he referenced Beyonce there! ”You can be my destiny's child.” Halfway through it kicks up the tempo and gets a bit faster and harder, and here comes a rap vocal so I assume that's our Big Sean getting in on the act. It's always funny in the least funny way to hear a guy who is worth untold millions sing about being starving and homeless. Bah.

There's a nice little bit of acoustic guitar to start “Catching Feelings”, (reminds me of Kurt Van Houten!) with a sort of slightly sparse dancy beat behind it and another low vocal, the melody rather similar to the song that just ended.

Full band kicks in now and it's jumping and hopping, No wait, that's “Take You”. Bloody Grooveshark! See, this is the problem when Spotify don't have the album, and I'll be damned and cursed before I'll pay even eighty cents for this thing! So the 'Shark has the tracks somewhat mixed around. Probably doesn't matter. “Right Here” features Drake, who I do at least know of, even if I haven't heard or am likely to hear anything he's recorded, and it's a sort of slowish ballad with nice vocal harmonies, but again meh you know? Nothing special here, and certainly nothing that's likely to change my mind about this guy.

Incidentally, considering how many writers most of the songs have I would question how much input Bieber had into the tracks. Maybe he did the lion's (or lamb's) share of the work, I don't know, but with all these guys helping out you'd have to wonder. Now we get “Catching Feelings” as the ones with the sharp rows of teeth who move to the rhythm a lot again rearrange the tracks for no discernible reason I can see. Was it worth waiting for? Well it has a nice sort of almost seventies pop vibe to it, bit like Bread or even the Carpenters in places. Soft lush keyboard and a breezy melody; you know, it's not too bad, and I say that in the full knowledge that I am now being taken over by some alien being who is putting words into my mouth. If I had to choose a favourite - or least hated, let's say - track on this album so far this would be it by a country mile. I can actually listen to this without vomiting blood.

Mediocrity is soon resumed though with “Fall”, a mid-paced ballad-ish song that's just embarrassing - although listening to this album that's kind of a given - while “Die in Your Arms” has again a nice seventies feel to it with bright piano and a slow rhythm, some sweet guitar, though the spoken vocal - supposedly sexy - is just laughable. The basic melody is okay, quite bouncy and upbeat, reminds me of Climax Blues Band or maybe the Little River Band. “Thought of You” moves the tempo back into dance territory, and removes any interest for me in a generic pop number, but if I disliked that then I hate the next one, which features Nicky Minaj. Oh dear god! “Beauty and a Brat”, sorry “Beat” - beat this! - is the epitome of dance music that I absolutely hate. Moving swiftly on...

Thank the lord Satan we're getting near the end! “One Love”, again, we're not talking about the Bob Marley classic here, just a sort of mid-tempo banal love song. It's followed by “Be Alright” which at least has a nice acoustic guitar backing, sort of “More Than Words” feel to it, and if I'm honest is the only other song I can stand on this album, which mercifully comes to a close with the title track. It's not all that bad really in fairness. Never thought I'd say that. Sort of mid-paced half-ballad with some decent piano and is that a strings section? Nice. It's not the worst song, and if I really force myself I can say that's three tracks out of thirteen that I like, or can tolerate on this album.

TRACK LISTING

1. All Around the World
2. Boyfriend
3. As Long As You Love Me
4. Catching Feelings
5. Take You
6. Right Here
7. Fall
8. Die in Your Arms
9. Thought of You
10. Beauty and a Beat
11. One Love
12. Be Alright
13. Believe

So what do I think of the album overall, having endured, sorry listened to it through? What do you think? Really? You think my attitude will have changed after one listen? Not likely. It's not the worst record I've ever heard, but it's nothing special at all. Just another pretty-boy singer doing what he does. Bieber could be the contestant or finalist on a million X Factors or American Idols, and I see nothing here to differentiate him from the many others ploughing the same tired old furrow with song subjects like “Girl you're the one for me”, “Why can't we stay together” and “It'll be all right.”

Meh, I'm sure it will be, for him. After all, he's made - and will surely continue to make - his millions as long as there are teenage girls in the world, and I suppose fair play to him if he's tapped into an almost endless market. But this sort of music is the kind of thing that I hate and it takes away attention from real artistes, definitely pandering to the lowest common denominator. I wonder where Bieber will be in ten years' time?* Twenty? Whereever it is, he'll still be a whole lot richer than I'll ever be, that's for sure.

But he'll never make me a Belieber. Oh, Canada! How could you?

* Note: Written in 2012. Bieber has now six albums with over 150 million sales and owns a 26 million dollar house in Beverly Hills. Gaaahhh!

Well that was low hanging fruit.

Meh, I'm not very tall. :D

Try this (jumping a little higher)...


Legacy of Humanity - Anubis - 2010 (Distro Rock)
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I heard these guys by accident. I'm into another band called Anubis (I featured them on my now-defunct Trollheart's Fortress of Prog) but they're a prog rock outfit, and when I downloaded this album I expected it to be one of theirs. Imagine my surprise when I was assaulted by hammering guitars, thundering drums and growled vocals! Still, for what it was it didn't seem all that bad. I do find it odd, perhaps even a little disheartening that a band who have been together for twenty years now have only managed to churn out one demo album - and that in 2006, over a decade after they were formed - plus a single in 2010, with this being essentially their debut album. The sands of time, guys! The sands of time...

Anyway, what's it like? Well, as you'd probably expect, it's hard fast and heavy, with the usual twin guitar attack courtesy of Renato Costa and Vinicius Carvalho, who are good at what they do. Anubis sing in English, though sing is perhaps a little kind when you listen to vocalist Sandro Costa --- is he related to Renato? I don't know: perhaps Costa is a common surname in Brazil. “Armistice Day” opens proceedings, but it's anything but a surrender as the lads go for the throat, pounding and screaming in that special way thrash metal enjoys. There's something of Slayer and a lot of the big German thrash bands here, the likes of Kreator and Destruction. “Forbidden Game” keeps the tempo fast and heavy, though there's really nothing special about it, the guitar riffs basically repeated throughout the song. It does slow down about halfway but then returns to its previous groove, and it's really been and gone before you can even notice it.

“School of Hate” is more of the same: low, growling guitars and a snarled vocal with steamhammer drums. It's possibly a little slower than the last two tracks, but not that much, while “Dark Hope” has a long instrumental intro, about the only thing that distinguishes it from what has gone before. As a matter of interest, I see that later on “Under the Influence” is an actual instrumental, so that may be something to look forward to: Costa's vocals are certainly not making this an easy album to like. That said, there's a pretty cool solo in “Dark Hope” that shows the talent of the two axemen, but otherwise, like much of this album so far, it's rather unremarkable. Moving on, we head into “The Last Act” (shall I be unkind and say I wish it was? No, I won't, not yet) with a sort of galloping beat that almost hits boogie territory at times.

The title track is up next. Well, not really the title track - there is none - but the name of the band. Yeah, “Anubis” is also the longest track on the album by far, clocking in at over eight minutes. There's a reasonably long Sabbathish intro on the guitar before it all gets pumping and Sandro Costa roars in with the vocal, though after his growl it's back to instrumental really for another minute or so as the band take the song. When he comes back in he's singing in a faster, more rapid-fire delivery than he has done, and the music matches his vocal: fast, driving with much shredding. Well, at least it seemed to go in quicker than I expected, and we're on to “P.O.W” which rocks along nicely with some almost discordant guitar, taking us to that instrumental I mentioned earlier.

And it's been worth waiting for, with a sort of Gary Moore twist to the guitar, allied to a sound that I can only describe as Boston. Yeah. It gets heavier and punchier then, but retains the basic slow, almost balladic melody of the opening, putting it clearly in the running for standout on the album, as far as I'm concerned (not that it has much competition in my view); a real pearl among the swine, and a great showcase for Carvalho and Costa, who really deserve to be in a better band than this I feel. “Slaves of Misery” returns us to the banal and pedestrian, with a refrain a little too close to Maiden's similarly-titled “Chains of Misery” for my liking, and the album ends on “Dream Beyond the Mirror”, a promising start with some laidback guitar that then comes through more heavily as the song gets going, but it's a nice introduction.

It's actually almost halfway through the track's six-minutes-plus length before we hear the vocals, but it's the guitars that carry the closer, with again some licks coming very close to Maiden territory, especially “The Trooper” and “Die With Your Boots On”. The problem here is that, like a broken fishing rod, this would be useless to an angler; in other words, there are no hooks in it, or very very few. Nothing is memorable, there's no Hum Factor and it's all pretty much more of the same. Not impressed, I must say.

TRACK LISTING

Armistice Day
Forbidden Game
School of Hate
Dark Hope
The Last Act
Anubis
P.O.W
Under the Influence
Slaves of Misery
Dream Beyond the Mirror

I've had experience of Brazilian thrash before, and I really didn't like what I heard. Anubis have not done anything to change my mind on that score. I'm sure there are great metal bands in the land of Mardi Gras, but I've yet to encounter them.

As for Anubis, I think I prefer the progressive rock band, who are miles apart from this sort of music. Anubis was the guardian dog of the dead in Egyptian mythology, and stood watch not only over the bodies of pharaohs and powerful people but no doubt their wealth too. I don't think he would be too bothered about guarding this particular tomb, as there's nothing new or innovative, catchy or even memorable here. Considering that this album took, technically, twenty years to record, you'd think they'd have come up with something better than this collection of tired metal cliches.

I'd certainly like to hope and believe that humanity can leave behind a better legacy than this.

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Corporate America - Boston - 2002 (Artemis)

How long did we have to wait for the third Boston album? Eight years. Then another eight years for the next one, and, believe it or not, it's been eight years since 1994's Walk On. Is he doing this on purpose? Has it been worth the wait? Well, it certainly starts off well, powerfully and with a lot more AOR to be fair than straight ahead rock, but that oh-so-missed distinctive voice is great to hear, as Brad Delp puts in a great performance, his last with Boston before tragically taking his own life five years later. I'm a little offput by the electronic/dance nature of the title track, even if Tom Scholz's instantly recognisable guitar riffs do add a bit of needed punch, but the basic tune is more like something you'd hear on a dancefloor really, and despite a pretty fine solo from Tom it's hard not to scratch your head at the composition of this song.

There's a nice change of pace then for a beautifully gentle little acoustic number, that comes on all "Starman" as it begins, and is very interestingly sung by country songstress Kimberley Dahme, who joined Boston that year. I believe this is the first time a Boston song has had female lead vocals, and it's certainly unexpected, to me at least. There's another unexpected twist in "Turn it Off", when Boston go all grunge rock, and a lovely little piece of Spanish guitar in "I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love", though the rest of the song sounds like Toto, and is somewhat drowned in keyboards. Beautiful closer in an apparently live version of "Livin' for you", off previous album Walk On, though to be honest the only clue it's live is at the end with some basic cheers, but it's a great song anyway.

Boston will never equal or exceed their amazing debut from 1976, especially now that the “voice” of that band has passed on, but they came close with Third Stage. This I do not place in that sort of category. It's a decent album, but in a few places quite weak and really lacking the energy and enthusiasm I'd expect not only of Boston, but of an album that bears such a title. Corporate rock? Maybe not, but as Steve Hogarth once wrote, ”The fire in your belly/ That gave you the songs/ Is suddenly gone.”

Perhaps they might have been wise to have taken the advice in the title of their previous album. I certainly could not confirm that the title of the opening track is at all appropriate. What I'm saying is, I did not have a particularly good time.

TRACK LISTING

I Had a Good Time
Stare Out Your Window
Corporate America
With You
Someone
Turn it Off
Cryin'
Didn't Mean to Fall in Love
You Gave Up On Love
Livin' for You (live)

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Because of the Times - Kings of Leon - 2006

Another band I've been meaning to listen to for some time. Like a lot of the bands I have on my computer but have yet to listen to, I know Kings of Leon by reputation only, and can honestly say I have never heard one single song by them (no, not even "Sex on Fire"!) so when I say my familiarity with them is zero, I mean it. I know so little about them that until I Wiki'd them I thought they were English! Who's that laughing? Yeah, you there at the back...

Well, it's running now and I don't hate the opener, "Knocked Up", quite catchy in fact, but you can keep "Charmer": it's just terrible, like the Smiths doing punk! Ugh! Will this, I find myself wondering, be an album of extremes: some tracks I'll like, others I'll hate? Perhaps not: God I hate this guy's voice! It just grates on me like nails on a blackboard! I doubt much can rescue this album, indeed this band, for me now: sure, we're only four tracks in, but hey, if you can't stand the singer you're exceptionally unlikely to warm to the band, and though the music is generally okay, I don't see where the love for these guys is coming from, as to me they sound very distinctly average.

"Black Thumbnail" has a certain Springsteen charm to it, until suddenly it speeds up and loses the feeling; I'm really struggling to find anything decent to say about this album at all. There's a decent guitar solo near the end of "True Love Way", but really, it's a little crack of light in the overall darkness. Do Kings of Leon do any instrumentals? I could really do without hearing - what's his name anyway? Caleb Followill - Jesus! These guys are all brothers? Well, I'll persevere to the end of the album, because I never leave a review half-finished, but who the hell told this guy he could sing? He sounds half the time like he's hoarse, and he certainly has (to me anyway) no charm, warmth, charisma or class in his voice.

Right, let it run on. Okay vocal harmonies and a decent melody to "Fans", another good solo, but the big problem is still there, and our man Caleb ain't going away! Guess I'm in the minority, as KoL have been very successful, but then, so have a lot of bands I would not rate. Acquired taste? Maybe, but I don't see myself ever savouring his vocals, and the music, though not terrible, is nothing that special either. There's a nice idea in "The Runner", but it never seems to really get going, and there's a sleazy, Chris Isaakesque feel to "Trunk" which isn't bad, but Caleb seems unable to stay in tune (seriously!) and ruins it.

Okay, okay! The closer is quite nice, and even Caleb's singing is not too irritating or distracting, in fact weirdly "Arizona" reminds me of Chris Rea's "Nothing's Happening By the Sea". But by now it's way too late for a rearguard action or a last minute push, and Kings of Leon have lost me. I hate this album, and as long as this guy remains with them (which I guess is still the case today) I won't be listening to any more of their records.

TRACK LISTING

Knocked Up
Charmer
On Call
McFearless
Black Thumbnail
My Party
True Love Way
Ragoo
Fans
The Runner
Trunk
Camaro
Arizona

The Power and the Myth - House of Lords - 2004 (Frontiers)
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This was an album I had high hopes for. Don't ask me why: I had never heard of the band before, but something about it just piqued my interest and I decided to give it a try. While not awful by any means, it nevertheless did not exactly send me searching avidly for the rest of their catalogue. It is in fact their fourth of, to date, eight studio albums, but even the appearance of Dream Theater's Derek Shernihan and the lovely Robin Beck could not lift this album above the realm of the ordinary for me.

It opens with “Today”, nice humming synth and lovely little picked classical guitar, the synth getting louder and more insistent until it's joined by electric guitar and drums, and the song gets going. The vocals of James Christian, who also plays lead guitar, swing between a sort of Nickelback growl and a generic AOR style, but effective and also very clear. Nice guitar solo too.

It's an impressive opener, but then “All is Gone” seems to be a fairly generic rock song, nice idea but undeveloped, with an almost Free-like melody, fairly predictable and a bit of a disappointment after the first track. “Am I the Only One” has a nice oriental feel to the keyboard opening, then slips into a sort of semi-ballad style, understated, not bad. It goes along nicely, but then ends very badly, quite unexpectedly. It's followed by a hard rocker, “Living in Silence”, but this goes from prog rock to almost heavy metal: hard to place this band, whom I had taken as being a progressive rock band at heart, but find now to be more straddling AOR and hard rock with, it has to be said, not too much confidence on either side. A balancing act that constantly looks in danger of failing, sending the guys tumbling through the air and down to the ground.

The title track, then, comes over all prog-rock, a powerful instrumental with organs, keyboards, synth and rumbling drums, wailing guitars and warbling keys going at it hammer and tongs. This then runs into the eastern-favoured, Zep-like “The Rapture”, which gives way to the gentle, almost acoustic “The Man Who I Am” (bad grammar too!), probably one of the best tracks on the album with its softly keening synth and its laidback guitar, Christian singing the best I've heard him so far. I believe Shernihan's expertly-crafted keyboards are what makes this song so good. Then we're into “Bitter Sweet Euphoria”, a mid-paced rocker with busy guitars and a nice solo, but then “Mind Trip” falls over into hard rock/almost-punk territory, and it just doesn't work for me. Sounds a little too confused.

Closer “Child of Rage” mimics Guns 'n' Roses' version of Dylan's “Knockin' on Heaven's door” with its opening, but it settles into a nice little ballad with country leanings, great acoustic guitar and organ taking the melody until the electric guitar kicks in as the chorus hits. Very much in the style of Bon Jovi, Poison or indeed the aforementioned G'n'R, a kind of “cowboy ballad”, the sort that tends to be popular with heavy rock bands, and to be fair, they do a good job on it, and it's a very decent closer.

But there are too many low points and nothing special enough about this album to earn it any proper points. Not a bad album by any means, but nothing great either. Never really going to rise above the level of mediocre for me. Hah: not so much the Power and the Myth as the Power and the Meh. Sorry.
:shycouch:

TRACK LISTING

1. Today
2. All is Gone
3. Am I the Only One
4. Living in Silence
5. The Power and the Myth
6. The Rapture
7. The Man Who I Am
8. Bitter Sweet Euphoria
9. Mind Trip
10. Child of Rage

Billy Joel is not one of my favourite artists. I mean, I have some of his albums, and his greatest hits of course, and the man has written some exemplary material, but I wouldn't go for his whole discography. The last album of his I bought was Storm Front, way back in 1989, and I was seriously unimpressed with it. I've never bought another of his albums since. There are many artists who come to what I call their “Lady in Red” moment, that is, they release a song which just makes me hate them, and look at their former work in a less than favourable light. No prizes for guessing where that phrase came from!

Well, in fairness, the “LiR” moment doesn't really affect previous output: I'm not that shallow that I can enjoy an artist's music until they record something I don't like, and then say I hate everything they do, or have done. No, not quite that shallow. Not really. But the “LiR” does affect, usually, my desire (or lack thereof) to purchase, download or even listen to any of their music post-”Lady in Red” moment. For me, Billy Joel hit that point with “Uptown Girl” which, although it was one of his most successful singles, I truly hated, and since then I've viewed his output with first a suspicious and then a disinterested eye.

In general, at least pertaining to Joel, this attitude has, for me, for the most part, been vindicated, as post-”Uptown Girl” I see very little in his music that I've liked. Certainly, there have been moments: The Bridge is a good (but not great) album, and “Baby Grand” is a wonderful song, and “We Didn't Start the Fire” is clever and catchy, but I see most of Joel's best output in the late seventies to early eighties bracket, and what I've heard - I stress what I've heard, as I can't really offer an informed or decisive opinion, not having listened to his recent albums - just has not measured up to that.

All of which prefaces nothing really, because the album I'm going to feature here comes well pre-”Lady in Red” moment, from 1978, and I initially bought it (on audio cassette!) purely because of two songs from it I had really enjoyed, but on listening to the album through, I was quite disappointed. Now, I point out that I only really ever listened to the album once, maybe twice, so here is its opportunity to make its case and see if I was really giving it a fair chance or if, after all, it is nothing more than what I took it to be at the time, filler for the few tracks I enjoyed.

52nd Street - Billy Joel - 1978 (Columbia)
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I know it's gone down in history as a great album. I know it had three hit singles (two of which are the tracks on the basis of which I bought the album) and I know it's been hailed as one of Billy Joel's best. But I certainly didn't like it. It was, I told myself, no The Stranger, though measuring up to that classic was always going to be a hard, even impossible task. But I wasn't expecting The Stranger II, just a good album with more tracks on it like “My Life” and “Honesty”, the latter of which I had really fallen in love with. I was as I say at the time disappointed. Is it still the case?

It starts with “Big Shot”, a boppy, uptempo number that really isn't too bad. Great piano goes without saying when you're dealing with Joel, but there's some pretty funky guitar too from Steve Khan (Star Trek fans will understand if I roar KHHHAAAAAAAAANNN! Others will just think I'm crazy, and who knows? Could be true...) and nice measured percussion. A good enough start, nice horns too from various brass players employed for the album, but it's the next track that takes the album into could-be-classic territory, the beautiful “Honesty”, played against initially a solo piano melody, Joel's voice low and earnest, Diogenes in the dark looking for that one honest man. Or, in this case, one assumes, woman. It's a lovely, gentle ballad which breaks out for a short time with a heavier midsection as Joel snaps ”I can find a lover/ I can find a friend/ I can have security/ Until the bitter end/ Anyone can comfort me/ With promises again.”

Everyone knows the big hit, “My Life”, with its jumping, joyful piano melody juxtaposed against the lyric which yearns for freedom from rules and having to please people. It's “Zanzibar”, up next, which sort of let the wind out of my sails, with a more jazzy sort of beat, but listening to it now, you know, it's not that bad. Kind of reminds me of the faster sections in “Scenes From an Italian Restaurant” on the previous album. Joel's voice is as ever perfect, loud and strident when needed, soft and gentle when not. “Zanzibar” also features some instrumentation not used before on Billy Joel's albums, to my knowledge: vibes, marimba and flugelhorn.

“Stiletto” is another jazzy type song, sort of mid-paced, kind of reminds me of a slower “Only the Good Die Young” in melody, with marching drums and nice organ, some very clever bass lines and great sax breaks. Nice handclaps and stride piano halfway through, but not one of my favourites, then we're into “Rosalinda's eyes” (not literally!) with an interesting organ and marimba intro which takes us into a mid-paced half-ballad, with very Spanish overtones (it's about a Cuban lady, but you get the idea) and some piano licks borrowed from “Just the Way You Are”. Again, it's okay, but nothing special, I feel. Probably doesn't help that I'm no fan of Latin American music - I only listen to Gloria Estefan for the ballads (and to watch that fine aaa-aahhh never mind...) :)

“Half a Mile Away” is very much built on a horn section, and funky and jazzy in a way I'm really not all that fond of, lot of soul in there but not my kind of song, sorry. I lied above in the intro when I said I bought this album for two tracks: it was three, and the penultimate song is one of those, in fact one of the two most important to me. “Until the Night” is a slowburner ballad which opens on piano and guitar rather slowly, and builds to something of a climax to the horns-heavy ending, a triumphant string section carrying the song to its powerful close, and indeed this is the song that should have, in my opinion, closed the entire album.

As it is, we're left to hum the title track, oddly the shortest track on the album (the previous having been the longest), sort of blues and jazz melding with soul and rock, but it lacks a certain something. Nice sax, good piano as ever, but a little flat I feel. After the glorious “Until the Night” this feels limp, flaccid and anticlimactic (sorry for all the inadvertent sexual imagery there!), and a huge disappointment.

No, I'm still not convinced. There are good tracks, but they're the ones I already knew, and on second listen “Zanzibar” is okay, but the rest I feel are just filler, and not very good filler. Maybe it's the jazz leanings Joel used on this album, as opposed to the, in my opinion, far superior The Stranger, or even its successor, Glass Houses, that alienated me, but I'm still largely bored with this album. Pass.

TRACK LISTING

1. Big Shot
2. Honesty
3. My Life
4. Zanzibar
5. Stiletto
6. Rosalinda's Eyes
7. Half a Mile Away
8. Until the Night
9. 52nd Street

Do Nothing by Meshuggah! You'll ****ing hate it, dude. If I'd have thought of it I'd have put it in the Torture Chamber.

No man, this isn't Love or Hate with the first two words removed. I'm not looking for albums to hate. I'm just posting reviews of ones I didn't particularly like. If I actually hate it then it sort of doesn't work: there has to be something there for me to poke a little fun or some well-chosen snide gibes at. As the man said in the second post, too much like low-hanging fruit, sorry.

More something like this...

Love Scenes - Beverley Craven - 1993 (Epic)
https://i.discogs.com/I-D2mrMAIMTAy3.../Ny5qcGVn.jpeg

This album I found all the more disappointing considering her stunning debut three years previous, which gave her a huge hit single in “Promise Me” and made people take notice of her. Possibly due to that, the ever-awkward second album syndrome, Love Scenes is a big let-down. Hardly prolific, Craven has only released a total of five full albums in almost twenty years, and it would be six more years before her third was completed. A lot of this has to do with the birth of her children, and you can't blame any mother for taking time off to make sure she shares the golden years with her kids, but her music certainly seems to have suffered from the hiatus, and any hope she had of making it big soon disappeared. Music fans are a fickle and impatient lot, and you can't expect (most of) them to wait six years between albums - even three is asking a lot, especially following a debut.

But I had enjoyed that self-titled first album a lot, even if much of it is somewhat indulgent and more than a little depressing. I thought a new star might have arisen on the horizon, and perhaps she would have shone a lot brighter and more powerfully had she followed up her debut more quickly, and with a stronger second album. As it is, what we have is a lot of rehash from the first, with some it has to be said pretty dire tracks, a lot of filler and one or two decent songs.

“Meh”, say I.

It opens, in fairness, with one of the better tracks, the title in fact. It's a nice guitar and string-driven semi-ballad with a good hint of bitterness in it, as Bev sings ”You're playing love scenes without me/ And she's got my role.” It's quite similar in pace and melody to her huge hit “Promise me”, and as this is one of the better tracks on the album, that's really not good. If you can't write new material without recycling your better songs, it's a bad start. Second track “Love is the Light” is another ballad, though this time a full one. This is another shortcoming with Craven's material. She always risked her music being forced into the “easy listening” category (surely death for any emerging artist!) due to the overpreponderance of ballads on her albums - her debut had five out of a total ten - (so that's half, for those of you as bad at maths as me) and the opening of the album does little to dispell this practice, despite a spirited guitar solo halfway through the song.

The shining diamond on this album is the utterly amazing “Hope”, which unbelievably was not chosen for release as a single. A tender, touching, tragic ballad, it focusses not on love and men, but the wrongs in the world, the injustices and the crimes against humanity practiced on a daily basis, often closer to home than we would wish to admit. Opening lines ”The martyrs of democracy/ Are lying in the streets/ People with the power/ Will kill to keep the peace” lay down the marker right away, as a lonely but effective piano is slowly joined by slowly-building strings, as a sad bell of doom tolls in the background. The strings surge on the back of powerful drums as the song increases in intensity, and this is, without question, one of the finest songs ever written by Beverley Craven, indeed, one of the finest songs on democracy and human rights ever recorded, and it should be far better known than it is.

Unfortunately after that it's pretty much downhill for the rest of the album. “Look No Further” is a pretty awful reggae-styled song in the vein of “You're Not the First” from the debut, while “Mollie's Song”, written for her daughter is touching but I prefer Phil Lynott's “Growing Up”. Still, you can't really pick too much fault with an artiste when they write a song for their children, and it's not a bad song, but doesn't stand out: perhaps it's a little overindulgent, though as I say we'll allow her that indulgence. Hey, at least it isn't “Kathleen!” :)

The ballads continue with “In Those Days”, more acoustic piano and to be fair Craven has a lovely clear and almost spiritual voice, even if it does often stray into Judie Tzuke territory. There's a nice touch with the addition of what sounds like uileann pipes, and the song is a nice look back to her childhood, while digital piano abounds on “Feels Like the First Time” (not, sadly, a cover of the stomping Foreigner song!), a ballad that owes much of its melody to “Castle in the Clouds” from her first album, and then she attempts - rather unsuccessfully in my opinion - to fuse reggae and rock stylings with a good slice of jazz on the first real uptempo number, “Blind Faith”. It's a worthy effort, but I think she's trying to step too far away from what she's best at here, and it comes across as too earnest, a real “look at me, I can rock!” song. And sadly, no Bev, you can't, not really.

There's not much left to say really after that. Although far from perfect, “Blind Faith” does come as a welcome break in the ballads, but then we're right back into weepy territory with “Lost Without You”, and the album ends with an unlikely cover of ABBA's “The Winner Takes It All”. One of my favourite songs from them, I'll never forgive her for reggae-ing it up! It's strangely prophetic really, as this album really didn't win her any new fans, any hits or any continued success, and when she took a six-year break - twice the length between her debut and this - before her third album, the writing really was on the wall.

After a successful and impressive debut, Beverley made the decision to put her children before her career. You can't argue that kind of decision - so often it's the other way around - and paid the expected price. After the last strains of “Promise Me” had faded into the background, people forgot her and although her last album was released in 2009, for most people she'll forever be classed as a one-hit wonder, proving the old adage that if you stand still, the world moves on without you.

TRACK LISTING

1. Love Scenes
2. Love is the Light
3. Hope
4. Look No Further
5. Mollie's Song
6. In Those Days
7. Feels Like the First Time
8. Blind Faith
9. Lost Without You
10. The Winner Takes It All

Or this...

Cold Winds On Timeless Days - Charred Walls of the Damned - 2011 (Metal Blade)
http://www.metal-archives.com/images...14823.jpg?2831

Now there's an album title and band name that belongs right up there with the greats! The brainchild of ex-Iced Earth's Richard Christy, “Cold winds on timeless days” is the second album from this kind of spinoff from that band, with their, and Judas Priest's, former vocalist Tim “Ripper” Owens also involved. The name of the band, it appears, came from a phrase used by the host of one of those fundamental Christian radio stations, on whom the guys had played a telephone prank; it's a reference to Hell, of course, as seen by the Moral Right, a place where the ungodly will apparently be putting their “nails in the charred walls of the damned”. Nice. Hey, at least they'll be keeping busy doing some DIY for Satan! Oh wait: does he mean fingernails? Nah, I'm sure Lucifer is just looking to recruit an army of damned souls to put up all those pictures of him in the White House with Trump...

It starts off with deceptive laidback guitar before the title track, as such - it's actually titled “Timeless Days”- kicks in with exploding guitar solos and stomping drums, Owens' vocals cutting through the cacophony with the power of Dickinson and Dio combined. There's great melody though, and it's clear this is no hastily-thrown-together project, all musicians complementing each other and melding together almost as one as Steve DiGeorgio lays down solid basslines alongside Jason Suecof's burning guitar, Christy's pounding drums hammering out the rhythm as the song, actually the longest on the album, goes along. It's followed by “Ashes Falling Upon Us”, another fast pounder, with a real anthemic chorus - I can imagine this going over well live. Great guitar solo from Suecof, like the metal gods of old. Don't hear that too often these days.

This album is odd in that it really has two title tracks: there's “Timeless Days”, as already mentioned, and then you get “Cold Winds”, so either could lay claim to being the title track. Good stuff, but nothing is really standing head and shoulders above the rest yet, marking itself out as truly great. “Lead the Way” is a lot faster than previous tracks, veering close to speed metal territory, with a pretty dramatic feel about it - speed metal opera? “Guiding Me” is also a decent song, but so far I'm waiting in vain for anything special, something that lifts this album out of the ranks of the ordinary and makes it something more than just another metal outing.

Okay, for just a minute “The Beast Outside My Window” sounded like it might have been the track I was waiting for. Started with nice acoustic guitar intro and seemed like despite the title it might have been a slow song, but then kicked into high gear and became another more-or-less-indistinguishable from the rest. Ah well. “Bloodworm” has some nice ideas and an interesting melody; probably qualifies as the best track so far, though to be fair that's a pretty short list, sadly.

And that's about it really. The closer, “Avoid the Light”, comes and goes without making any real impression on me, and the album is over, having had a similar lack of effect. A real pity, as I had hoped this would be a great album. But I guess sometimes a great name and title and a decent pedigree doesn't necessarily guarantee that the product is going to live up to that promise. Not a bad album, per se, just nothing special. I wouldn't say avoid it like the plague, just as I wouldn't advise anyone to rush out and buy it.

TRACK LISTING

1. Timeless Days
2. Ashes Falling Upon Us
3. Zerospan
4. Cold Winds
5. Lead the Way
6. Forever Marching On
7. Guiding Me
8. The Beast Outside My Window
9. On Unclean Ground
10. Bloodworm
11. Admire the Heroes
12. Avoid the Light

Maybe this...

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...zanne_Vega.jpg

Nine Objects of Desire - Suzanne Vega - 1996 (A&M)

Though I would certainly count myself a fan of Suzanne Vega, somehow I never got past her first two albums. Brilliant (each in different ways) as those two were, I just seemed to have drifted away from her music after that. Not a conscious decision I think, but maybe I got caught up in all the hype at the time, with her videos on MTV and her singles in the charts, and going to see her live: maybe it was all just oversaturation and when it was over, like a spent/selfish lover, I just rolled over and muttered “seeya” and left in the night. Not literally, you understand.

So here's my chance, now that I have her discography, to see what Suzanne got up to while I was away. By all accounts, she's still successful, highly-thought of and despite the fact that her albums no longer break the top ten - a steady decline since Solitude Standing almost hit the top slot back in 1987, with this one falling just outside the top forty - she still shifts more than enough units to keep herself in the style to which, no doubt, she's become accustomed. But is there a reason for this fall in commercial popularity? Or did people (like, I have to admit, myself) just jump off the bandwagon after '87 and leave it trundling on, unconcerned as to where it went without them? Have we, to mix metaphors a little, missed the boat, and will I wonder, after listening to this album, why I stopped buying her records?

And do I ever stop asking questions? Well, do I? ;)

Two tracks in, and I'm already asking more questions. Where's the acoustic guitar? The folk aspect of her music that drew me to her initially? This all sounds a little too electric, a little too, well, pop for me. The lazy lounge of "Caramel" sounds like it should be in some old forties movie, but it's better than what has gone before, with a certain Waits charm about the clarinet and bass, while "Stockings" (who else could write a song about a woman wearing stockings and somehow not make it sound that sexual?) is a lot rockier, with hard guitar and pulsing bass and a sort of bossa-nova beat, with something of Neil Hannon's Divine Comedy in the melody, and some pretty wild trumpet, almost Arabic style.

As I listen to this more I get the feeling (reinforced with each new track I hear) that this is not Vega's own music, but what some record execs feel she should be playing. I'm not saying she didn't write it, as I know she did, but it just doesn't have the same heart as her earlier work, at least for me. Other than the pretty distinctive voice, if I heard this on the radio I'd probably not recognise it as being her product. Maybe she was just trying other things, but this sounds more like an album written to try to get attention, hit singles, commercial success - which is odd, considering she had her biggest success with Solitude Standing. Maybe trying to recapture the genius of that album backfired? Either way, I'm only halfway through, but though it's not a terrible album, I really don't see me ever seeing this as a great one.

In fairness, "No Cheap Thrill" comes closest to the sort of song I've come to expect from her, but it's very much in the minority, along with "World Before Columbus", which really goes back to her basic sound, and is in fact one of the few favourites I would have on this album. Sadly, after that, for me, it's downhill all the way. I feel after listening to this album that Vega is trying to sound like Waits, though of course that could just be me. Still... Maybe two objects of desire on this one, Suzy, never nine. Not for me, anyhow.

TRACK LISTING

Birth-day (Love Made Real)
Headshots
Caramel
Stockings
Casual Match
Thin Man
No Cheap Thrill
World Before Columbus
Lolita
Honeymoon Suite
Tombstone
My Favourite Plum

Oh man, even this. And it started off so well. Okay, maybe I expected too much.

:shycouch:

and hell, let's have another
:shycouch:

Make way! Make way for the master! Peter Gabriel has forgotten more about music, theatre, technology and merging the three than most other bands will ever know. If there's an innovation in music, chances are he's behind it, at the forefront (if that's not a contradiction!), spearheading the next muso/technical revolution. Unlike some artistes of his generation, Gabriel sees emergent technologies not as taking over his music, but as a tool he can use to further improve that music. No real surprise then that he should once again try to step out of the box and engage in a new venture.

Of course, setting an artist's music to an orchestra is nothing new. It's been done many times, whether it's the Symphonic Pink Floyd or the music of the Beatles for orchestra, or even the Genesis Suite from last year by Tolga Kashif, but in each case that has been a conductor, composer or indeed orchestra interpreting the music of the artist, but with no input from said artist. New Blood, Peter Gabriel's latest album, is the first instance I have heard of where the artist himself plays with the orchestra his own re-arrangement of his songs.

New Blood - Peter Gabriel - 2011 (Real World)
http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...rER51a4wo6xRFg

You might expect Gabriel, in this sort of setting, to pick the obvious tracks to get the orchestral treatment. What a show “Sledgehammer” or “Big Time” would make, or maybe “Games Without Frontiers” or “Biko”. But that's not the path he takes. Instead, he goes for some hits, but mainly tracks that may not be that well known outside his fanbase, but that translate the best (to his mind) for orchestral arrangement. “Freedom from the tyranny of guitar and drum” is how he announces the project, and indeed, you won't find either here. It's all completely on strings, woodwind, brass and piano that these songs are carried.

So how does it work out? Well, the atmospheric opening to the album, which also opens the album it comes from, 1982's album, one of four all self-titled (though this one does apparently carry a sub-title of Security) should I think impress more. It's introducing the whole thing, and though “The Rhythm of the Heat” is a slowburner, I just don't think it works that well here, at least not as an opener. The song is pretty much built on a heavy drumbeat, and I personally think it suffers without it, though the violins and cellos do their best to maintain the menace of the original, at which I'm sorry to say I feel they come up short. Gabriel's voice is as desperate and urgent as ever, almost as if he's calling for help, but this song kind of falls a little flat for me, and it's a disappointing beginning.

“Downside Up”, from 2000's Ovo, features Melanie Gabriel, whom I'm assuming is his daughter, and is better. A slow, sedate song, it's almost perfectly suited for the orchestral treatment, almost a mini-symphony in itself. Bassoon and oboe lead the song in on slow string accompaniment ++ and then Melanie's lovely angelic voice just takes over the song, lifting it to Heaven on silver wings. Her father joins her then, and the orchestra gets a little happier and more a-buzz, the violins setting up a joyous melody not a billion miles removed from Handel's “Arrival of the Queen of Sheba”. One of my very favourites of Gabriel's is up next, the dreamy “San Jacinto”, and again this is well served by the orchestra, tinkling piano and low trombone carrying the opening of the tune, Gabriel's voice low, almost a mutter, as the violins and cellos come in alongside a vocal chorus.

Gabriel's voice gets stronger then as the song goes on, and as it reaches the crescendo in the song, the string section rises with him, creating a soundscape that is almost perfect, man and musical section in complete harmony. I can't understand why this wasn't the opener: it would have been perfect. Nevertheless, as the happy flutes and violins pepper the song, memories of “The Rhythm of the Heat” have now faded, and the album is turning out to be what was really expected, and that is a triumph, a seamless melding of Peter Gabriel's flawless and amazing songwriting and musical skills with the sublime power of the orchestra.

The unsettling “Intruder” from his third album is next, and this will be a test. The track, again an opener, relies on building a sense of tension and fear, and the violins and cellos manage to convey this quite well, rather like setting this song to the soundtrack of a movie. Gabriel's voice is less threatening, I feel, on this version, but it's a good treatment of the song. The choral arrangements help, and the strings are very effective, but again this is a track that is built originally on a solid backbeat, and the loss of drums is again I feel to the detriment of the song, making it a lot less effective than it is on the original album. I also miss the shouted “I AM THE INTRUDER!” which is abandoned in favour of a whisper. Effective, yes, but not as much as on the song proper.

I only know the fourth album through what I've heard of it via the Plays Live album, so “Wallflower”, which is from the Security album, I can't really comment on as I haven't heard it before, but it comes across as a nice piano led ballad with some good strings and oboe, possibly French horn in there too. Lovely cello line takes the main melody and complements Gabriel's yearning vocal well, while piano keeps a counterbeat in the background. Very restrained, but not an awful lot for the orchestra to work with. Nice duet with Melanie again though.

The next three tracks are from his 1986 So album, the first to actually have a title (despite Security being retitled for the US market), and of course his biggest commercial success, kicking off with the boppy “In Your Eyes”, here given full strings opening with bassoon and horns taking part, slowing down then to allow cello to accompany Gabriel's voice, then speeding up again and getting very busy as the song goes towards the joyous chorus, vocal choir adding its power to the song, the tempo considerably slowed down nevertheless from the original.

I find the exuberant African mood missing from this version though, and that was one of the things that in my opinion made it such a good song, almost gospel in its way. “Mercy Street” was always a restrained song, very sparse, so there's not a whole lot the orchestra can do here, though the cellos and violins carry the track well, but for me it's an odd choice. Better is “Red Rain”, and even though this opener from So does rely quite heavily on drums and percussion, the orchestra manage to make it work this time, with flurries of violins, bassoons and trombones replacing the rhythm of the original.

“Darkness” is another song I'm unfamiliar with, coming as it does from the album I tried so hard to get into, but failed, that being Up. There's a nice sense of menace and power conveyed by the string section, then flute takes centre stage for a few lines, as Gabriel's singing gets less manic, then the strings come back in full force as he goes over-the-top again. This however as I say I can't really comment on, as I really hated Up, and this version of “Darkness” doesn't change my opinion of that album, even though I don't actually remember it. Next up is a classic, that surely had to be included in this reimagining of Gabriel's catalogue.

Although I'm disappointed Kate Bush couldn't lend her talents to this version - I always consider her duet with Gabriel to be the iconic version of this song - the incarnation we get here of “Don't Give Up” starts off well, but then Swedish singer Ane Brun chimes in, and she is not a patch on Bush: her contribution to the vocals is shaky, hesitant and has none of the heart or power of Kate Bush's desperate plea to keep going despite everything. In fact, I'd go so far as to say she ruins the whole song. There, I said it. My god, what a terrible voice, in comparison to Kate. What was Peter thinking?? Jesus, this girl sings like she has a cold! I can't believe how much she's ruined one of my favourite classic Gabriel songs!

Still smarting from the betrayal of “Don't Give Up” being butchered as it has been, the only song from 1992's Us almost passes me by, but “Digging in the Dirt” gets a pretty dramatic treatment with powerful horns and frenetic violins managing to come close to the somewhat unhinged tone of the original, then the beautiful, fragile, sensual “The Nest That Sailed the Sky”, the only other track taken from Ovo, loses none of its soft, gentle beauty, still a classic instrumental and one of the very few Gabriel has ever written.

Following this, and preparatory to closing the album, is a weird little thing called “A Quiet Moment”, which is essentially almost five minutes of nature and pastoral sounds, like rain, birds, waves and the like, interesting and certainly different, but surely a bit of a cheat when another track could have been included, considering how large Gabriel's repertoire is?

It does end well though, with the all-time favourite “Solsbory Hill” given the orchestral arrangement, though I still prefer the original. It's something of an annoyance to find that, should you decide to shell out for the “extended edition” with extra disc, all you get is instrumental versions of all the songs here, plus one additional track, right at the end, “Blood of Eden”. I would have thought extra tracks, information, out-takes, different versions other than just instrumental (this is an orchestra, after all!) would have been better value. As it is, I'm not going into that disc, even though I have it here: I see no reason to. I don't believe it would add anything to what has already gone.

I have to admit, somewhat in surprise, that I'm a little disappointed. While many of the tracks work well with an orchestra, many don't, and some are actually worse for the treatment. After having listened to this, I don't so much feel the need to hear more songs given this arrangement as an urgent need to revisit Gabriel's catalogue and hear them again as they should be heard. Sometimes the clever thing is not to do anything, to leave the classics as they are. I really believe that, on balance, that's the lesson that should be learned here. Perhaps, stunning a revelation though it may be, the master actually has something to learn?

I had expected so much more, but sadly, though Peter Gabriel crowed that his songs had been liberated from the “tyranny of guitar and drum”, I personally feel that his music needs that tyranny, and that, taken away, the stalwart servants of every musician are sadly and most effectively missed. Pushing the boundaries is all very well, but in the final analysis, I really don't feel it worked this time. I'm probably in a minority here, but after the disappointment of Up, here's another Peter Gabriel effort that has not made the grade for me.

And I so wanted it to...

TRACK LISTING

1. The Rhythm of the Heat
2. Downside Up
3. San Jacinto
4. Intruder
5. Wallflower
6. In Your Eyes
7. Mercy Street
8. Red Rain
9. Darkness
10. Don't Give Up
11. Digging in the Dirt
12. The Nest That Sailed the Sky
13. A Quiet Moment
14. Solsbory Hill

++ = I'm no student of the orchestra, and I certainly can't distinguish too many instruments one from the other, and information as to what is played on what song is very hard to come by. As a result, I've made my best guess when commenting, but I could be wrong. So if something I describe as a bassoon is an oboe, or a violin is actually a viola, or whatever, don't jump on me. Correct the text if you can, let me know, but bear in mind I'm winging it here as far as orchestral instrumentation goes. And writing “string section” or “woodwind” every time is both repetitive and boring, and shows a lack of interest or originality.

What in the god damn **** are you talking about? Who wants to read extensive posts about albums you're kind of meh on? Nobody cares if you have mild antipathy towards Billy Joel.

Now why in the hell do you think I would care? As you would say yourself, eat me. :p:

By the way, only been going a week and 150 views already, so up yours. :)

Probably all bots.

Secret: I click on all the posts in my queue so I can clear the queue. I'm not necessarily interested in all the posts. I mean, who really wants to play a K-pop video besides K- Addict? :laughing:

K-Pop? You take that back, sir! The only reason I would watch a K-Pop video would certainly NOT be to watch nubile young females in tight, short, figure-hugging.... um, 'scuse me a sec...
:shycouch:

Let's stroll with our hands in our pockets down the dusty windswept streets of my musical memories, passing The Regret Hotel, glancing with a shudder in the direction of the Bad Choices Bank, round the corner of Inadvisable Street and Stupid Move Avenue. If we cross over the road here and avoid the careening horse-drawn wagons with their deliveries of Doubt and Disappointment and Frustration, we can see the lights and hear the off-key music, so let's just push in the doors and grab a drink down at the
LAST CHANCE SALOON
Which is my colourful and roundabout way of saying we're about to check out another album that did not impress me in the past, and see if I can get into it, or whether it needs to be shelved forever and forgotten about.
https://i.scdn.co/image/ab67616d0000...731a779529a2a2


Perchance to Dream - The Arc Light Sessions (2015)


On the surface, I should love this band. With a classically-trained piano player into everything from Genesis and Yes to PFM and Pat Metheny, what’s not to like? But I remember being mightily disappointed - bored, I think - the first and I believe only time I spun it. So here I am again, giving it another chance to convert me, see if my opinion on it changes. The Arc Light Sessions is the brainchild of John Alarcon, who plays keys including Mellotron, with Michael Dionne taking vocals and guitar. There’s a very orchestral opening to the title track, with a slow Asia feel to it too, plenty of Mellotron blasting from Alarcon, the song putting me in mind too of Pendragon. I don’t know about the vocalist; I kind of think he’s not that great, and he certainly doesn’t grab the attention. Some nice piano merging with a squealing guitar, but there’s something not quite, I don’t know, cohesive about this, like they’re borrowing bits from other bands and songs and trying to force them all together. God that singer is pretty poor.

Alarcon can certainly play the piano, there’s no doubt about that, keys and Mellotron taking us directly into “... only to Awake”, a much shorter piece, the companion to the opener, and I would say quite likely an instrumental, which is good as I don’t have to listen to Dionne attempting to sing for a while. God I hope he improves as the album goes on, otherwise it’s going to be torture listening to him all through the rest of this album. Well I was right about this being instrumental, and then “There Will Come a Day” is a slow very Alan Parsons Project ballad and unfortunately Dionne has not improved. He also does his own backing vocals it seems, so it doesn’t help that now I’m hearing him twice as it were. The melody is nice, the piano carrying it, but it’s hard to enjoy it when the vocalist is making such a hash of the singing. Nice guitar solo, very effective; if only Michael Dionne would stick to the frets.

Another piano ballad in “Through These Years”, but a lot shorter at three minutes, while “Please Let Me Know” runs for nearly six, and is also quite laid back, in fact I’ve yet to hear ALS really let loose and rock out, if they ever do. Again it’s like listening to a budget knock-off version of the APP, though nowhere near as good. I’m probably insulting Parsons and his boys by comparing them to these heads. To be fair, there’s nothing wrong with the music, just none of it is coming across as particularly original. It’s like the band sat down and listened to the APP’s discography and then decided they would emulate them rather than write any of their own music. Unfortunately the only way they don’t copy them is by having various vocalists, so we’re stuck with Dionne.

This is going to be a struggle, I can tell. We still have - fuck! Eight songs to go, and I’m feeling like I’m in an ordeal. Think this next one might be another instrumental at least. When I don’t have to listen to Dionne’s singing - I use the word in its widest possible meaning - I can, not enjoy, but at least tolerate these guys. This isn’t too bad actually, for once mostly on guitar, but we’re back to piano for “The Old Man and the Sea”, with some nice flute added in by Luc Tremblay (definitely heard of him, just can’t remember where) but it breaks down as soon as Dionne opens his mouth. Some sort of choir there in the background which does help distract a little from his voice; with another, more competent or talented singer this could actually be enjoyable. Decent tune, some nice warbly keyboards and so far no Mellotron; these guys definitely overuse that venerated prog rock instrument. Good guitar solo, ramping up the tempo a little, though it quickly resumes its more or less sedate pace.

I suppose I should be thankful there are no epics here: the longest track just inches over seven minutes, and the next two are short ones, “The Ghost of Winters Past” slightly less than four minutes while “Jigsaw” just edges past three. Neither are very remarkable or memorable, and then we’re into the six-minute “Deception Days.” Normally I wouldn’t be so anal about the length of the songs (well, not all the time), but really I’m just hoping to get through this and the longer the tracks are the harder that task is becoming, so shorter tracks are welcome, or at least, more welcome than the longer ones, which aren’t welcome at all. Think I’ll just hide my head till it’s all over. If anything occurs to necessitate a remark I’ll mention it. Otherwise I’ll see you on the other side, assuming I make it out alive.

Oh god I just have to remark that on “Misunderstood” Michael Dionne does what I would have assumed impossible, and actually gets worse singing! God, when he growls it’s just painful. Shut the fuck up. Thought the album might go easy on me by closing with a double instrumental, but no, only the penultimate track, the other had to have Dionne foist his excuse for vocals upon us one last (and it will be the last) time. Fuck off you cunt.

Track Listing

1. Perchance to Dream...
2. ...Only To Awake
3. There Will Come a Day
4 Through These Years
5. Please Let me Know
6. Eye of the Storm
7. The Old Man and the Sea
8. The Ghosts of Winters Past
9. Jigsaw
10. Deception Days
11. Misunderstood
12. Over the Horizon...
13. ...Till the End

Admittedly, this would not have been such a trial had it not been for Michael Dionne’s awful travesty of a voice, with the only real respite being the few instrumentals that saved me from his voice. The only vocal track I could stomach really was “The Old Man and the Sea” because, despite his vocals, it actually stuck with me and was a half decent song.

What do I think now?

I’m even more against this album now that I remember how terribly Dionne sings, and the poor APP rip-off the music is. Not sure how this struggled above a rating of 3 on Prog Archives but I wouldn’t have given it a 2. I won’t be giving this any more chances.

Verdict: Never gonna see the light.

I first became aware of this album when an advertisement ran for it on television, and being a diehard Genesis fan the music alerted me. Finding it was an orchestral interpretation of some of the best Genesis songs --- and having already enjoyed The London Symphony Orchestra’s We Know What We Like: The Music of Genesis - I was excited and expected this to be a shoe-in. Surprisingly enough, after a lot of effort tracking it down online - I’m cheap: I never pay full price for an album if I can avoid it, especially one I haven’t heard before, and in this instance I’m glad I stuck to that plan - it remained on my computer for a long time, years really, and I only just listened to it a few nights ago when I was looking for something relaxing to drift off to and realised I had it, and had not yet listened to it.

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The Genesis Suite - Tolga Kashif - 2010 (LMG)

I’ll admit it: I had no idea who this guy was when I saw the ad, and I didn’t much care. Seemed to me he (or she) was some possibly famous composer or conductor who had decided to set the music of Genesis to an orchestral backing, and that was good enough for me. Now I see he (it is a he) has also attempted the same thing with Queen (for which, inexplicably to me anyway, he won a Classical Brit Award nomination in 2003) and has written many successful scores for movies as well as worked with the famous Lesley Garrett. In 2002 he performed in front of Her Majesty (God bless ‘er! Yeah, not really) The Queen, so I guess he can’t be all bad.

But this is.

The problem with it lies in his interpretations of the music. They just don’t work, to the point that when listening I found it difficult to even recognise most of the original songs. They’re transformed and elaborated on to the extent that they become not quite parodies of themselves but certainly sound nothing like they should. I’ll go through it in detail shortly. The other problem is the length of the songs. “Mad Man Moon”, the longest he attempts here, is just over seven minutes on the original album A Trick of the Tail. Kashif extends it to over seventeen! “Fading Lights” is a respectable ten minutes and he stretches that to twelve, okay, then a medley of Blood on the Rooftops and “Undertow”, again totalling about nine, comes out at thirteen almost. This in itself would not be so bad, but it’s the way in which the songs are extended that causes the problem, and the confusion.

You could say these are more “fantasias” based on the songs, and maybe that would be true: Kashif certainly wanders repeatedly off the beaten path down roads which seem to have nothing to do with the original melody, and explores avenues that perhaps open up the songs. But the thing is, I want to hear the music I know: I understand it won’t sound exactly the same - I probably wouldn’t want to hear it if it did - but I want to at least be able to close my eyes and say “That’s "Ripples"” or whatever, not “What the hell is that?” which is more often than not what I found myself asking myself as this album wound seemingly interminably on.

So to the meat of the matter then: the actual music. We’re supposed to start off with a medley from Invisible Touch, comprising “Land of Confusion” and “Tonight, Tonight, Tonight”, but I just don’t hear it. There’s a sort of choral almost lament to open with a lot of percussion but no real melody. The speed is totally wrong for “Land of Confusion”, which we all know as it was a hit single, and very quickly we’re into “Tonight, Tonight, Tonight”, or at least a version of it. I hear some keyboard arpeggios from the tune, but the general overall melody that we started with continues as we move into the third minute of the seven and a half it runs for. I’ve lost all recognition of the song - either one - now, other than the odd riff. Don’t get me wrong: it’s a nice piece, and if it was an original I’d be praising it. But as a supposed version of the two Genesis songs it’s just not there. I don’t get it, and this is a feeling that will repeat as I listen to the rest of the album. Not in all tracks admittedly: some are almost recognisable. But they’re in the small minority.

Now we’re into a soft strings section, which is nice, and I think I hear a snippet of part of the melody of “Land of Confusion”, but it’s so incidental it’s hardly worth remarking upon. Near the sixth minute I had hopes we might be kicking into it as the music builds to something of a crescendo, but no: it’s more of the same and it ends as badly and mysteriously as it began. Honestly, play that for any Genesis fan and ask them what song, or songs, were being played and I doubt anyone would be able to guess. A loose interpretation, to say the very least. One of my very favourite Genesis tracks is up next, from the 1976 album A trick of the Tail, but again it starts slowly and with little resemblance to the song it’s supposed to be emulating, and it’s nearly two minutes in before I even recognise “Ripples”, almost by accident. It’s a nice piano intro, but I don’t hear the melody anywhere until we’re heading into the second minute when it makes itself somewhat apparent.

The chorus then is something I can recognise, nice oboe or something with the piano sprinkled over it like fine fairy-dust, but then the strings section take the tune again and it goes off on something of a tangent. I know this song very well indeed, and it does not go like this at all. It’s almost as if Kashif created a mini-symphony and threw it in there where it does not belong. I mean, it sounds nice, there’s no doubting that. But it confuses the heck out of me until we’re almost at the fourth minute, and this incidentally but importantly is the chorus again, which seems to be the only part of the song making itself known to me. Now I know that there’s an extended instrumental section in the original, played by Tony Banks on the piano, and it’s one of the best parts of the song, very effective and evocative. Here again I lose the tune, it briefly shows itself with a blast of brass then disappears, like the very ripples in the lake about which the song was written, and it’s almost the seventh minute before anything recognisable comes through and it’s - you guessed it - the chorus again.

“Ripples” is extended by almost two minutes on the original, and that’s not too bad, but the worst is to come, and from the same album “Mad Man Moon” takes overstretching to new heights, or lows in this case. As I mentioned, a song that initially ran for just over seven and a half minutes is more than doubled, clocking in at a frankly ridiculous and unnecessary sixteen minutes and forty-one seconds! And it’s not just the length that’s at issue here. Whereas the original song opens with a flutey line and then goes into a piano melody, here we have violins, oboes, cellos and more which run for more than two minutes before any semblance of the original song’s melody can be heard. Up to then (and after it) it’s like the soundtrack to some Sinbad movie or something, very eastern, very mysterious, and very much nothing like the song.

Coming up to the fourth minute it settles somewhat into the original melody courtesy of some very nice cello and violin work, then big pounding percussion takes it off onto another track entirely - well, the song is only seven minutes and change, so he has to extend it somehow, doesn’t he? But does he? Why not leave it as it was, or maybe add a minute or two as he did to the other songs here. But doubling it and then some? Where is the point? Just to crowbar in all the little touches and flourishes and embellishments he wants to put in? Wouldn’t the piece have been just as good - better, in my opinion - without them? But Kashif is on a roll now, so in desperation to extend, or justify his extension of the song, he returns to the opening lines and throws in some more improvised melodies. It all starts to get boring, as well as confusing, around minute seven, which is where the song should really be winding down to its natural conclusion. But no, we have another ten almost to go.

There’s a fast paced bit in the middle of the original that I’m still waiting to hear, as the violins and trumpets and woodwinds go into overdrive and we move into minute nine. Oh, here it comes. Not as fast as it should be, but come on: from here on in there should be one more verse and then the finale. But we’re looking at yet another six or seven minutes, almost the length of the entire song again before we finish up here. So now we have a rehash of the midsection, some extra stuff thrown in that has nothing to do with the song, a slowing down as we move into minute thirteen. Lovely violin work it has to be said, but so overdone and so unnecessary. I mean, I’m all for extending a good song and I love this one, but even for me this is overkill. Three or four seconds of total silence, just to eat up the time and then a big blast from the string section as I again completely fail to recognise this as any part of “Mad Man Moon” as I know it: it’s pretty much morphed now into Kashif’s own composition, which is nice undoubtedly, but not part of Genesis’s original song. It’s finally struggling, limping now towards its end and feels like it’s about ready to be put out of its misery, which finally, thankfully happens, and not even on the final riffs that end the original.

Their biggest and best-known hit single is up next, but if you think you’ll recognise the jaunty, poppy love song, you’ll find yourself saying as I did, “This isn’t anything like “”Follow You Follow Me!” Again, it’s stretched to breaking point. Remember, the original was a short, upbeat single which ran for just over four minutes; here it’s dragged out to almost seven. I can admittedly hear the chorus and it’s not bad, but there’s little else of the song I recognise here. It’s also too slow: I would have envisioned a fast, snappy string section with some light percussion and maybe trumpets or trombones jazzing it up as it’s supposed to be, but Kashif seems determined that every song here move at a snail’s pace, and it becomes very wearing. From the fifth minute to the end it’s just really a descending violin melody that could easily have been cut. Way too long.

And speaking of way too long, there’s a twelve-minute interpretation of “Fading Lights”, the closing track on ]We Can’t Dance on the way. Admittedly, the original is a long song anyway, coming in at about ten minutes or so, but when I listened to this first I had absolutely no idea what I was hearing. If you had told me I had to identify the Genesis song being covered here or get a bullet in the brain, you’d be visiting my grave about now. What do you mean, you wouldn’t visit? Humph! Anyway there is no way to reconcile this with the song that closes Genesis’s penultimate album, another song I love; this just bears no resemblance to it, at least up to the third minute or so, where I can hear the vestiges of the original melody begin to float in on violin wings and it’s quite nice indeed.

But as ever Kashif loses the plot here and the tune goes off on another tangent, until by the fifth minute all relationship to the Genesis song has disappeared and we’re listening to an unfamiliar tune. It’s almost become pure musical expressionism by the time we reach the seventh, with the result that I’m losing hope of hearing the big instrumental passage that characterises the original and takes it almost to its close. No, it’s not there, or if it is I don’t hear it. And so we fade, rather appropriately, out and into yet another from A Trick of the Tail, the wonderful “Entangled”, which for some reason he decides to open with a slow piano passage, when the song moves at a much more sprightly, almost waltz pace than that. And I don’t recognise the melody, though at this point I am depressingly used to that.

Now this is a long song, and he’s only added a minute on to it, so points for that, but even so we’re now two minutes into it and I’m only now beginning to hear snatches - snatches only, mind - of the melody, with the piano still performing solo. It’s nice, and it’s a break from the violins and cellos, much as I like them, but I just wish it sounded more like the actual song. This could have been a real triumph, but as we move past the third minute there’s still only the very barest bones of the melody from the song I love so well. Really, as we get into the fifth I’m beginning to accept that the only real part of the original here is going to be that piano riff, although now that I’ve said that I can hear the proper melody begin to assert itself. We are, however, now close to the end, so is it too little too late? I fear so.

And we end on another twelve-minute extension, this time a second medley, to bookend the album with the opening suite. These are drawn from two different albums, unlike the opening set which came from the same one, with “Undertow” taken from the first album released by the stripped-down band in 1978 and “Blood on the Rooftops” from 1976’s Wind and Wuthering, another of my favourites. And we’re back to those choral vocals that opened the odd interpretation that started off the album. And so far I don’t recognise this. This is a form of singing I’m not that happy with: sort of chanting, like at a mass, but at least I recognise the music now. Well, partially. Sort of. Nice work by the violins and cellos as they follow, for once, the basic melody of at least “Undertow”.

Then within four minutes we’re into “Blood on the Rooftops”, with an actual vocal this time. I’ve spoken about this before. If you’re doing an orchestral rendition of popular music I prefer not to hear any singing, even choirs. Especially choirs. Still, it has to be said that so far this has been the interpretation that most closely follows the original songs. I’m pretty certain though that we don’t need an eight-minute version of “Blood on the Rooftops” when the original was just over five. And now we go off down another tributary, another branching road that takes us strange places with many a twist and turn: this part, from about minute six has no resemblance to the original song and is obviously just put in to embellish it. Okay, in fairness it actually returns to the chorus from “Undertow”, which is quite effective and works very well. I’ll definitely give it that. Mind you, it leaves little of “Blood on the Rooftops” in the composition. And whether or not we need an over two-minute outro is to my mind debatable, but that said, the piece finishes well, though not enough to paper over the cracks in some, or most, of the tracks that have preceded it. Again, too little, far too late.

TRACK LISTING

1. Land of Confusion/Tonight, Tonight, Tonight
2. Ripples
3. Mad Man Moon
4. Follow You Follow Me
5. Fading Lights
6. Entangled
7. Undertow/Blood on the Rooftops

Let me just make one thing perfectly clear here: I am not in any way denigrating Tolga Kashif’s musical or compositional prowess. I know that making music, writing music, especially orchestral, is a rare talent and I am totally in awe of anyone who can do it, and do it well. And I readily admit that this is some of the most beautiful orchestral music I have heard in a long time. Were it Kashif’s own original music I would rate this album much higher and be recommending it to you. But that’s the problem: it’s not his music. Well, it is, but it’s not supposed to be, not really.

When any composer sets out to cover someone else’s work there is of course always an element of artistic licence that has to be allowed. Nobody wants to hear the originals played note for note. If you wanted that, why not just listen to the originals themselves? But in this case I believe Kashif takes that licence and runs far away over the hills, screaming “Catch me if you can!” He goes beyond interpreting, beyond embellishing the longtime work of one of the premier progressive rock bands of all time here, and strays into the territory of trying to rewrite it. I have no problem with someone putting their own slant on a cover version, but I want to at least be able to recognise the finished article. Here, so much of this music sounded nothing like the songs I have listened to and loved for over thirty years, and it was hard to think of this as an album of Genesis music reinterpreted by a musician so much as a new composition using the bare bones of Genesis music as its template.

Perhaps that’s what he intended, and perhaps that’s how this album is supposed to be approached, but when I see someone making an orchestral version of the music of one of my favourite - of, indeed, my very favourite of all- artists, I expect to be able to recognise the tunes, and more often than not that was not the case here. For me, this was an exercise in overindulgence and perhaps arrogance, that the man thought he could improve on the music Banks, Rutherford, Hackett and Collins wrote over three decades ago, that he could do it better than them. I believe he also tackled the music of Queen, and that the surviving members of the band were very happy with the outcome. Perhaps then I am in the minority here.

An enjoyable album without question, but if Kashif attempts to take on the music of another band in the future, I just hope he keeps his compositional hands off any of my favourite artists.

Billy Joel had some stunning songwriting with songs like 'always a woman' but absolutely yes "uptown girl" was his 'lady in red.' Horribly cheesy. I loved "We Didn't Start the Fire," and "the longest time" but he has also always had that undefinable sickly sweet sound, as if he has just put about twenty sugars in your tea, mixed with a far-too-happy chorus.

I'll not have this sweet tea erasure.

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British Lion - Steve Harris - 2012 (EMI)

Yeah, that Steve Harris. The one from Iron Maiden. The one who formed Iron Maiden, indeed, the only surviving member of the original lineup. You would probably say “about time”, what with Bruce Dickinson now on his sixth solo album, but there's an interesting story behind this. Seems that all the way back in the nineties Steve was mentoring a band who impressed him called, wait for it, British Lion. He kept in touch with them after they split up, writing with/for them whenever he got a break from Maiden's heavy recording and touring schedule, and this is basically the result. So really, it's not a Steve Harris solo album at all: it should really be called British Lion by British Lion, but no doubt the usage of the Iron Maiden bass player on the sleeve will attract much more interest than it would had it just been marketed as from the band British Lion.

That said, Harris is well involved, writing, producing and of course playing bass on the album, but if you think you're finally going to hear what the shy guy behind the four-string sounds like singing, you're out of luck, as he remains behind his beloved bass guitar, handing over all vocal duties to Richard “Ritchie” Taylor, original member of the band, while the guitar duties are split between Graham Leslie, erstwhile member, and David Hawkins, Taylor's new man on the axe. I admit I'm a small bit disappointed, reading the background now, as I had initially assumed this was a new project of Harris's own, but nevertheless what I've heard of it to date sounds good, so let's give it the old once-over, shall we?

There's wah-wah guitar from the off in the opener, “This is My God”, then the music drops almost completely away to introduce Taylor's vocals, which though strong without the music it has to be said are not that powerful when the full band kicks in. Decent guitar work, and of course as it's being touted as Harris's own solo effort (if only for marketing purposes) his bass is quite prominent in the mix, possibly moreso than on most Iron Maiden albums. But is it more Iron Maiden-lite than British Lion? Well, from the first track I'd say no; in fact, someone hearing this on the radio would not equate it with Maiden at all. It's nowhere as heavy, hardly metal at all, and indeed Harris states it looks back more towards the seventies hard rock of bands like UFO and The Who than coming anywhere near his own band. That's good in its own way: a new Maiden album would be nice, but it's also gratifying to see a solo artist properly stretching themselves beyond their usual influences and styles.

But I wouldn't say I'm too impressed even at that. The opener is good yes, but I don't see anything terribly great about it, and as the album goes on Taylor's somewhat ineffectual vocal starts to grate a little. The production is also quite muddy, odd given that an experienced hand like Harris is at the helm. And it's not just the vocal, though that is certainly below par: almost all of the instruments sound pushed too far down into the mix. Yeah, all except the bass. Hmmm. There's a quite Iron Maiden refrain to the chorus in “Lost Worlds”, and you could almost imagine Bruce singing this, in fact I wonder if it might make an appearance on the next tour, touted as a Steve Harris solo song? Wouldn't be that surprised.

There's also an Iron Maidenesque bass-led instrumental ending to this song, but I must admit it's one of the better ones on the album. Things rock out in no uncertain fashion then for “Karma Killer”, David Hawkins's growling guitar getting a good run out here, as he shows why Taylor decided to hook up with him after the initial breakup of British Lion, when he and Leslie went their separate ways. There's also a certain eastern influence to the melody here, something quite indicative of the writing Steve Harris has done, particularly on albums like Piece of Mind and Powerslave for Maiden. Another thing only recently utilised, with varying levels of success, on Maiden albums has been keyboards, but here British Lion (you can't really say Steve Harris; it's not just him) use them quite well on the intro to “Us Against the World”, though the guitar melody is classic Maiden. Must say, Taylor's voice sounds much better on this; perhaps it's when he pushes too hard that it falls short, as here he's quite restrained and it works well.

The next track is the only one on the album written by just Taylor with Harris, and features the first contribution of original British Lion guitarists Graham Leslie and Barry Fitzgibbons, and I have to say it's Seventh Son of a Seventh Son Maiden, almost a copy of parts of the melody from songs like “Only the Good Die Young” and “The Evil Men Do”. It's a good rocker though, and “The Chosen Ones” is also the second longest track, just under six and a half minutes, with also a curious element of Dave Edmunds' “Girls Talk” in there, then the longest on the album, running for two seconds over seven minutes, is the only one on which all previous members of the band, plus one other, all collaborate.

“A World Without Heaven” has a big hard guitar intro, then powers into a very Maidenesque melody, but with an almost soft chiming guitar line behind Taylor's vocal, again featuring the twin guitar attack of Leslie and Fitzgibbons, the second of three tracks recorded with them before the breakup of the original band. It's again a song you could imagine Maiden performing onstage, and would fit in quite well with their current themes and repertoire and image. British Lion though could certainly do with a stronger singer, and I find myself wondering if Steve has released this album as a) a promise kept to Taylor about helping him make it big or b) an easy vehicle upon which to launch his own solo career? Although in fairness, he does state that he doesn't see this album as a solo project, more a side project. Not sure what the difference is really, but I think what he's saying is that he's not planning to leave Maiden any time soon, unlike Dickinson, who left to pursue a solo career and then later came back to the fold. Iron Maiden is Steve Harris's first love, and it looks like he's planning to remain faithful to her.

Probably the most, indeed only, progressively-leaning track on the album, it's also one of the standouts, though one of the heaviest tracks comes as David Hawkins makes his return on guitar with “Judas”. Again though I have to say Ritchie Taylor's vocals are just not up to the job, and you have to wonder if Steve had chosen to assemble another band, or at least recruit a different vocalist - or do the job himself - if this album might have been better? I guess you have to say fair play to him for keeping faith with his old comrades though, it's just a pity they're not as good as he seems to think they are. Well, that's unfair: the guitar playing is great and the drumming is, well, the drumming, and with Steve himself taking bass, new guy Hawkins on keys, it could have been a very tight-knit band, but it really is let down by Taylor's weak and almost ineffectual singing.

“Eyes of the Young” is the last track on the album to feature the original guitarists, and rocks along really nicely with an almost commercial melody, even Taylor's vocals almost rising to the occasion, and if there is to be a single from this album then I would pick this. I could see it doing quite well on radio: it's just heavy enough to appeal to metal fans (and Harris's name being associated with the project should already have them on board) and light and airplay-friendly enough to have one foot in the AOR camp, even edging close to pop, dare I say it? No I don't, but definitely the most instantly memorable song on the album, and British Lion/Steve Harris's best chance for a hit single. “These Are the Hands” takes things much further back into the 70s, with influences from the likes of Free and Bad Company, a big heavy grinding guitar sound against a general Maiden melody, and we close on “The Lesson”.

Perhaps (and I know this is going to sound unkind but anyway) the lesson is that there's no room for friendship in business, or at least that friendship should not define business? I really feel Steve slipped up here, allowing Ritchie Taylor to take the vocals when he clearly is not up to it. On some tracks he comes close, but generally speaking he seems to be straining to be heard once the music gets going in earnest, and with another singer I think British Lion, as in here, the second incarnation, or third if you prefer, could have been much more of a force than I feel they will end up being. Maybe I'm wrong, and they'll go down hugely and everyone will love them, but as a showcase for a solo effort for Steve Harris I feel this will be a rather large disappointment for many Iron Maiden fans.

Of course, quite likely that Harris was not looking for those sort of fans, and was trying to do something different. That's certainly achieved with the closer, a ballad of all things, on soft acoustic guitar and lush strings keyboards, an acceptable backdrop for Taylor's voice, as he doesn't have to stretch or push to be heard, the music very laidback and gentle, some beautiful piano from Hawkins rippling along the melody, and “The Lesson” laying claim to release as a single also, and forming an unexpected and very different ending to this, Steve Harris's first steps into the world of solo performance.

TRACK LISTING

1. This is My God
2. Lost Worlds
3. Karma Killer
4. Us Against the World
5. The Chosen Ones
6. A World Without Heaven
7. Judas
8. The Eyes of the Young
9. These Are the Hands
10. The Lesson

In the end though, I'm left a little perplexed. Is this to be seen as a solo effort from Steve Harris, or is he just helping out the band he mentored in the nineties? The fact that the album is called British Lion and that the same name applies to the band, or did, is confusing. I think maybe if it had been “British Lion featuring Steve Harris”, or “Steve Harris and British Lion”, I would have been more sure of how to approach the album. As it is, I'm left with a dilemma: do I review this as the first solo album from the Maiden bassist, or as a band featuring him? It's hard to say, but if it's to be seen as his first solo effort, then in general, and on balance, I think it's something of a disappointment.

Not so much a savage bite from the British Lion really; more a scratch from the British Kitten.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ront_cover.jpg

XXX - Asia - 2012 (Frontiers)

Those who know me will know I'm a huge fan of Asia. Although I didn't think their debut was that great, I did like it and the followup Alpha really spoke to me. I do find myself mostly falling into the John Payne camp however, which might possibly explain my disappointment with this album, except that I really loved Phoenix, which was John Wetton's return after nearly twenty years, and I thought Omega was all right, though no triumph. I also, as I say, liked the early albums with Wetton. Up to now though, I've never bought an Asia album I didn't like, or come to like pretty quickly. Even the dubious Silent Nation, which I took some time getting into, is now firmly ensconced as a proper Asia album with me.

But this is a massive let down.

I know what it is, and I will be going into boringly detailed explanation and opinion through this review, but it's something I never expected to say of an Asia album. The main thing that really burns me about this, Asia's fifteenth overall, third with the reformed original lineup and the album that marks thirty years of Asia, hence the title, is that it is, in a word, boring. In another word, flat. In another word, uninteresting. Stale. Unadventurous. Boring. Oh wait, I said that already, didn't I? Well, sadly it's worth repeating.

Asia's fifteenth album, XXX, is boring.

Much of the blame has to lie squarely with Wetton's vocals, which sound dull, uninspired, disinterested. To be fair, it opens well, with some beautiful piano from Geoff Downes and some cello I think, and you really believe the album is starting off with a ballad, which would not be a bad way to start, but would I think have been a first for this band. However, one minute in it kicks up and becomes a boppy little rocker. Now, I have no problem with this per se. For the first time we hear Downes' famed and instantly recognisable trumpeting keyboards, and for a moment you think yeah, here we go. And to be fair, as an opener it's not too bad of a song, but I do have an issue with the title. When I see a track called “Tomorrow the World” I think this is to do with intention: today London, tomorrow the world, that sort of thing. But it's actually a promise that tomorrow the world will be better, and although that's a laudable sentiment I think they should just have called this “Tomorrow”. Would have been punchier, looked to the future, made a better impact in my opinion.

But these are small concerns, as are some of the lyrics: Wrap (the world) up and throw it like a ball? What the hell is that meant to mean? Still, it's an upbeat, uptempo rocker to start, even if it's not as powerful as I would have liked. It does however end very badly, looking at first like it's going to end on organ, then this switches to a rolling drum outro, but instead of finishing powerfully it just sort of fades out, which annoyed me. But however, on we go, and at least Wetton is in decent voice for this track, and the next one, “Bury Me in Willow”. Reading the title I assumed that Willow was a place, or that Wetton was expressing his attraction to Buffy's best friend, but no, it seems the idea is bury me in a coffin made of willow wood. I'm no expert, but I think coffins are made from pine? However, it's got some decent ideas in it, a sort of anti-war sentiment - ”Give me no standards or eulogy/No red white and blue/ No sceptre or no cloak” - but again it's a little limp, a little weak, though Downe's keyboards carry the song, as they often do.

So we're not too bad so far. So far. Then comes “No Religion”. Now, the first thing to hit you about this is the oh-so-familiar guitar riff. Yeah, it's BOC's “Don't Fear the Reaper”, shamelessly ripped off, note for note. Oh dear. This is where you start to hear Wetton's voice start to sound a little less sure, a little weaker and less committed, as if he's losing interest. It's paradoxically the heaviest track on the album, and one where he should really be letting it rip, but no, there's no heart or soul there. No religion? No interest, more like. And it doesn't get any better as the album wends what becomes its weary way on, as each song becomes more a trial to listen to, and my own interest begins to wane. “Faithful” sounds, to me, a little too close to “The Last Time” off Aura for comfort, and as Wetton sings ”I was hardwired to forget” I begin to wish I was! This is lovesong drivel of the worst kind, the sort of thing that got Asia pegged as “a bunch of old men singing to their girlfriends”, even back in the eighties! The lyric is awful: ”Wherever you may go/ You'll always know/ Faithful I'll be to you” Oh, again I say, dear. It's like mid-eighties Asia but without the class and the power. It just sounds desperate, almost as if they're trying to write a hit single one more time. Doubt this will manage it.

Even Steve Howe's guitar playing is subsumed in the album generally, although he does let loose with a nice solo here that helps to rescue the song a little, but even that can't prevent this from sliding down a deep hole from which it (hopefully) will never emerge. Awful. And as I say, unfortunately, it does not get any better, with Supertramp style piano opening “I Know How You Feel”. It's not the worst song, and I wonder how Payne would have handled it, but Wetton just doesn't come across as invested in it at all, and if he really did know how we feel, he would have put in a better performance on this album, while maybe writing some better songs into the bargain. Again there's a decent little Howe solo, but it's very restrained and almost lost in the backing vocals and Downes' keys.

“Face on the Bridge” isn't bad, to be completely fair, nice keyboard intro, good beat, and Wetton's singing is not too bad, but still way below par. It's very derivative though, like most of the songs on this album: I can definitely hear echoes of Astra and Alpha material in it. For what it is though, it's probably the last decent track on the album, which is not really a compliment, but a sad statement of fact. This is, as the man says, where things get ugly, where the precariously-balanced house of cards shudders and threatens to fall.

I don't know what “Al Gatto Nero” means, and have no idea what the HELL it's about. Wetton uses a mixture of English and either Spanish or Italian language in the lyric, and although I can't quite place it, the melody of the song comes across as very, very familiar, and I'm sure I've heard it in a previous Asia track. It is, however, notable for one thing: it will go down in my own personal history as THE most annoying Asia track EVER. I bloody hate it! It just grates on me, mostly perhaps because I don't know what it's about, but it seems to be very smug and self-serving. To understand what I mean you'll have to just bite the bullet and listen to it. Oh yeah, and just to add insult to injury they throw in the ending to “Here Comes the Feeling” off the debut album. But even at that, it's not the worst track on the album. Oh no.

If a band writes a song called “Judas”, you can be reasonably sure it's going to be about betrayal of some sort, treachery, backstabbing, that sort of thing, and that it should be sung in an angry voice. Whether that anger is a growl or rage or a mutter of cold reproach is a matter of style, but what you don't expect is for the lyric to be rattled off with no heart, no emotion, no feeling and no impact whatever. When John Wetton sings ”You put a knife in me” he sounds about as concerned about it as what he's going to have for his breakfast. He might as well be reproving someone for turning up late, or spilling his drink. There's not one iota of anger in his voice, it's completely matter-of-fact, flat and bored. Christ, if he's not interested in the song, how am I expected to be? It's the most one-dimensional Judas I have ever heard about, and it makes zero impact on me. A song without emotion really isn't a song at all, at least a rock song. This is terrible. Though it rocks in melody the vocal drags it down to the very bottom of the barrel; you can't believe in it, so you can't enjoy it. Well, I can't.

The only good thing about “Judas” is that it heralds the arrival of the final track. Yeah, that's right: thirty years in the business is marked by an album with NINE tracks. What a rip-off! And none of them are even any way particularly long. Then again, with quality this low it's probably a blessing there are so few tracks. Where is the heart and emotion that went into tracks like “Heroine” and “Orchard of mines” on Phoenix? No three-part compositions like on that album, nothing to stand out, unless it's how bad the material is. Well, the closer is called “Ghost of a chance”, and that's fairly appropriate, as that's how much it's likely I'll ever grow to tolerate, never mind like, this album. There is some lovely acoustic guitar from Steve Howe and some nice strings, and they do try to kick it up for one final last-gasp effort. It's not bad, but it'll take more than this to rescue such a poor album.

It's possibly telling that when you try to access their website (ASIA | XXX) it takes an absolute age to come up. Perhaps Asia are tired, perhaps they should think about calling it a day. Thirty years is a long time, even if this particular lineup hasn't been together all that time. If they can't find the creative spark that lit albums like Alpha, Aura and even Phoenix, they really shouldn't be foisting this substandard trash on their longtime fans, and giving ammunition to those who say Asia are a boring, tired band. If it's too much to mark your thirtieth year with a standout, or at least impressive album - hell, I'd have accepted adequate! - then I have to wonder if Asia have any business putting out new albums and expecting people like me to pay for them.

That said, I have no doubt the album will sell well, and the upcoming concerts will no doubt be sold out, and perhaps the songs will translate better live. But I don't have the money for concert tickets, even if they were playing Ireland, which I don't know, and I should be able to get the same basic feeling from their recorded output. On the strength of this, I wouldn't go see them if the tickets were free. Well, of course I would, as they have produced excellent music down the years. But I really feel they've let me down this time, and at a time when I would have wanted, and expected, them to reaffirm their love of music and their talent, and their commitment to the people who have, after all, put them where they are today.

To paraphrase Meat Loaf, this album is a lemon and I want my money back!

Or, as Fry once said in Futurama, this is weak.


TRACK LISTING

1. Tomorrow the World
2. Bury Me in Willow
3. No Religion
4. Faithful
5. I Know How You Feel
6. Face on the Bridge
7. Al Gatto Nero
8. Judas
9. Ghost of a Chance

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LMR - Levin, Minneman, Rudess - 2013 (Lazy Bones Recordings)

The problem with so-called supergroups is the superegos that go with them. Think ELP. Think GTR. Think Asia. When you go to LMR’s official website there’s no tracklisting for this album. They’re more concerned with reviews, press, purchase links and videos showing them either making the album, talking about making the album, or playing the songs. That’s all very fine guys but where is the bloody tracklisting? Also, who is Marco Minnemann? I mean, everyone knows bass supremo Tony Levin, and of course Dream Theater owe a whole lot to the keyboard talents of Jordan Rudess, but who is the guy in the middle, the “M” in LMR? Okay well Wiki tells me he’s a “drummer, composer and multi-instrumentalist” who apparently lost out on the chance to replace Mike Portnoy in Dream Theater. So there’s the DT link again. And he’s German. Okay.

That’s all well and good, and he has an impressive discography but he’s hardly an icon of progressive rock is he? This is a claim made on the LMR website, and while I would certainly consider Levin and Rudess icons, I don’t see Minneman as one. So that’s the first thing wrong with this album, and group, from my perspective: this supergroup is made up of two icons and one guy I know nothing about. And he’s a drummer. And plays guitar too here apparently. The other problem is that my dislike for Dream Theater has been well documented here, so to have essentially two guys from that sphere - even if Minneman didn’t make it as replacement for the departed Portnoy he was on the shortlist so will be linked with them - is not good news for me.

But I like to give everyone a fair shot and I stuck the album on the playlist, but found every time one of the tracks came around I just hated it. This is my first time to listen to it all the way through so perhaps my view of it will change, perhaps not. If not, then it’s likely to be a short review as I have no intention of cataloguing every keypress and drum roll in the way I often do on albums; if this is as boring as I remember it then I’ll just be doing a cursory writeup on it. It’s all instrumental, as I may have mentioned, and for my money, and as far as memory serves, it’s all pretty much the same throughout its fourteen-track and sixty-two minute run. This is not one I’m looking forward to.

There’s a big heavy guitar break to start us off, something like a faster version of “Smoke on the Water” then Rudess blasts in with uptempo keys which then slow down on what sounds like mandolin but I guess isn’t as “Marcopolis” (wonder who wrote that?) is the opener and it’s full of power and energy, plus the drum solo that comes as obligatory when one of the “supergroup” is a drummer. I must say, I hear a certain Yes sound in the melody. Next up is “Twitch”, with a dramatic, proggy feel to it, rumbling keys and high-octave synth and some stabbing choral vocals. A heavier guitar-oriented tune on the weirdly-named “Frumious banderfunk”, (nod to Mr. Carroll I guess) though it gets quite Caribbean at times. Odd little flute sounds too; sort of all over the place really though the guitar when it breaks back in is powerful and angry, so props to Minnemann for that I guess.

“The Blizzard” is much nicer, Rudess showing his undoubted talent at the piano, with Levin supplying some truly superb bass lines. Much easier on my ear than that squawking synth, and even when he switches to the synth it’s relaxing and peaceful rather than harsh and abrasive. Definite standout so far. “Mew” then is almost eight minutes long, and jazzy in a breezy sort of way with nice piano, keys and guitar but it loses its way early on and never really recovers, and I just fail to notice as it plays out and onto the next track, which is called “Afa vulu” (where are they getting these track titles??) and is at least a much shorter track, short of three minutes. It’s a bit like listening to the theme to “Hawaii 5-0” for the most part, but it is very upbeat and fast. Levin then has his chance to shine with a bass-led track in “Descent”, which is to be fair not too bad but it’s a bit dull. It’s short too and leads into “Scrod” (which is almost “dorks” spelled backwards!) and this runs for six minutes. Is it six minutes too long? Well, I wouldn’t quite go that far but…

… the problem with this album that I see is that old bugbear of ego over talent. I’m not saying these guys can’t play, cos they sure can. But rather than, for the most part, compose some decent songs they seem to have decided just to each display their own talent in another Dream Theateresque show of “Look at me!” This makes many of the songs nothing more than extended workouts on their instrument of choice, and this makes for, dare I say it, boring music. There are exceptions. “Orbiter” has a really nice and cohesive melody, quite a spacey (unsurprisingly) feel to it, and its followup, “Enter the Core” is good too, sort of cinema music. This is when LMR don't annoy me, when they make good music together and give you something you can hum, or at least remember. I don't want an album of jams thanks. I'm no fan of any of these three, though I do recognise the massive contribution Tony Levin has made, to this genre and others. But even with my favourite bands, an album of improvisational music does not interest me, and for the most part this is how this comes across to me.

“Ignorant Elephant”, on the other hand, is another of those let's-see-what-we-can-come-up-with-if-we-all-just-play sort of deals, and it bugs the hell out of me. It's fast and vibrant but generally speaking it's totally directionless and very frustrating. “Lakeshore Lights”, on the other hand, is a jaunty, upbeat tune with real radio airplay appeal, if the radio played instrumental music. Some great guitar work from Minnemann as he more or less takes the tune, but “Dancing Feet” is a little too loose and experimental for my tastes. Sort of a new-wave/krautrock thing going there. The closer is an eight-minute effort which goes by the title of “Service Engine” Driven on heavy bass and guitar it's okay and has the most proggy feel of any of the tracks here but for some insane reason, after playing sixty minutes of instrumental music, they suddenly decide to start singing in the last two! Why? What's the point? I also don't know who's handling the minimal vocals, but I have to admit, I don't care.

TRACK LISTING

1. Marcopolis
2. Twitch
3. Frumious banderfunk
4. The Blizzard
5. Mew
6. Afa vulu
7. Descent
8. Scrod
9. Orbiter
10. Enter the Core
11. Ignorant Elephant
12. Lakeshore Lights
13. Dancing Feet
14. Service Engine

If there's one thing this album proves to me it's that it can be dangerous, even counterproductive to get too many massive egos in the one recording studio. Little of this sounds like a collaborative effort to me at all - most of the time it's like each is trying to outdo the other a la ELP - and the end result is a pretty boring, fragmented and ultimately pointless album.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJiqOCPRRIo