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Salami 10-26-2011 09:40 AM

Coldplay - Mylo Xyloto
 
26/10/11

The most high profile release of the year is here! Coldplay, the “biggest selling band in the world” have been busy for the last two weeks writing and recording another tempest of throbbing and pulsing noise. No matter how much I could try to ignore it, I’m going to have to listen to all the songs sooner or later.

I have a personal grudge against Coldplay, yet also a kind of admiration. A lot of my family comes from Exeter in Devon, which is the home city of Chris Martin, the watery–eyed vegan frontman of the band. For some reason, everyone in Exeter seems to absolutely love Coldplay. Everyone goes around humming “Yellow”. My cousin always seems to be playing “Shiver” in her car. Why? We here in Manchester wouldn’t be caught dead listening to Oasis. Why?

But at the same time, I admire the fact that a band with such an annoying frontman, useless lead guitarist and inaudible bassist who write such vague and nonsensical odes to whiny, feeble love affairs and inarticulate political malaise have found a way to somehow become the world’s best-selling band. How could they?
For your amusement, I shall write this article in the same style as Mary Portas’ shop reviews.

“Mylo Xyloto”


Good for: Some interesting melodies, very good drumming.


Bad for: Maddeningly annoying vocals comprising of “who–oh-oh-oh” in pretty much every line, emotionally corrosive falsetto, super saturated production, random weird electronic distortions of guitars, incompetent guitar work and hazy background fuzzing.


The Windows: What does this album look like to me? Let’s start with the weird and unpronounceable title “Mylo Xyloto”. What does it mean? Allow Chris Martin to explain: “It doesn’t have any meaning”. Thanks a lot. It sounds like the title for a dubious Japanese fantasy movie with all the sea monsters and dragons and tentacle porn and pointless quests with villainous ugly fat men with evil masks.

The album art features chaotic splodges of paint scraped over a graffiti–covered wall. Aw bless them; they’re trying to be cool.

Glancing through the track listing, I noted with some alarm that the song “Princess of China” featured Rihanna. For goodness sake, this is supposed to be a rock band! It was okay when they let Jay-Z rap along to “Lost!” because he is a genuine musician (and a lot better than any of them), but Rihanna is famous only for her sex appeal (not that there’s anything wrong with that…). This confirms, in the words of Neil McCormick, that “Coldplay are a pop group in rock clothing”. It was obviously only a ploy to appeal to as many people as possible. It greatly annoyed me. The song sucked, too. It never really seemed to go anywhere, and Rihanna spent most of the time going “ahhhh, ohhhh, noooo”.

Shopability: What did it sound like? (I’ve got to talk about this somewhere). I should note that this album was produced by Brian Eno, famed for his awful work with U2, his electro-pop / “experimental” solo work that we all were forced to pretend to like, and his militant atheism. His production of the Coldplay sound has buried it deep within layers of saturation, hazy mechanically induced tuning and goodness knows what else. The thing about U2 is that every song sounds pretty much identical. Now Eno has put his oar in, I think it has had the same effect on Coldplay. And the lyrics? “It’s us against the wo-hu-hurld”, he moans somewhere in the chorus of the first song. I’m sorry, Chris, but Coldplay are now deeply rooted in the establishment, and the world loves you and supports your activities. They could have at least had some decent music for the song, but instead we have an organ wobbling away slowly in the background and guitars that sound like pitched farting. Once again, the words to the songs frustrate me. They seem to rhyme purely for the sake of rhyming, and don’t really follow a particular order. And, oh please, his falsetto is back. “Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall” strikes me in particular for its unbearable line: “it was a wah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ter fall” which for some reason makes me automatically clench my fists. Thom Yorke got a bit annoying at times, but Martin makes him sound like James Earl. I shall also rudely observe that Johnny Buckland is a really bad guitarist. The awful mistake in “Viva la Vida” was letting him play a five note guitar solo to “Violet Hill” that went on for ages. In “Mylo Xyloto”, he’s even less impressive. After a while, it gets really boring and I think that about half of the blame rests with Johnny Buckland. And Guy Berryman? Well, he is Scottish, and furthermore he grew up near Kirkcaldy, which is Gordon Brown’s constituency. And I have to strain my ears to find any worthwhile addition he makes to any Coldplay song. He’s not bad, as such, just a background figure who doesn’t make much of a contribution. He ardently refuses to build a harmony around the music, like a good bassist should, but just churns out the notes that everyone else is playing. And yet he has a personal fortune of about £25,000,000. You could almost buy a house in France for that amount.


Was I being served? Did the album provide me with something I could relate to? In spite of everything I’ve said, Will Champion is a superb drummer. He really knows how to keep a song moving. The best part of “Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall” is easily the drum solo at the end. It is quite refreshing in its own way. He really made me sit up in 2007 with “Viva la Vida” which was described by Chris Martin as a “bell odyssey”. If you’re into drums, I would really recommend this album.


I really like Will Champion. He is the only really talented member of the band, he looks like a New Zealand full–back, and has some terrifying facial hair and expressions, but he is actually a very sensitive man who wrote and performed the adorable little piano song “Postcards From Far Away”, and his dad is some highly respected professor somewhere. He probably deserves a better band.


Verdict: Well, Apart from the top notch drumming, the album doesn’t really do the trick. It is clearly a great improvement from the awful “X & Y”, but a step backwards from the not-bad-at-all “Viva la Vida”, and relies too much on the Brian Eno induced foggy haze of electronic sound that tidies over their inadequacies. Can’t make a chord sound interesting? Why not use a computer to make it throb for a bit and then it might sound cool? If you've got more money than sense, go out and buy it.


Rating: ★★☆☆☆

LDT

Audio Rejectz 10-27-2011 12:43 PM

Great review

someonecompletelyrandom 10-27-2011 02:10 PM

Reading this review > Listening to any Coldplay album.

Salami 10-28-2011 02:36 AM

Thanks guys!

Dcpballa1 10-30-2011 10:19 AM

Completely disagree with that review. Yes the drumming is great, but the lyrics and meanings behind the songs are great. Chris's voice is always great. The album flows extremely well! I find myself listening through the whole album more then once. The only problem I have with it is at the end. I feel like Coldplay just had to hurry it out and couldn't write a good end to the album. Its not their best album but it is still great Coldplay music.
4/5 stars.

Salami 10-30-2011 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dcpballa1 (Post 1114816)
Completely disagree with that review. Yes the drumming is great, but the lyrics and meanings behind the songs are great. Chris's voice is always great. The album flows extremely well! I find myself listening through the whole album more then once. The only problem I have with it is at the end. I feel like Coldplay just had to hurry it out and couldn't write a good end to the album. Its not their best album but it is still great Coldplay music.
4/5 stars.

Well, I know that the word "great" is subjective, but I can't for the life of me divine any sense whatsoever from the lyrics to "Paradise":

"When she was just a girl / She expected the world / But it flew away from her reach / And the bullets catch in her teeth"

I think my accusation of rhyming for rhyme's sake is justified. What tense is it supposed to be in anyway? The song is insipid enough anyway without this kind of sloppy, careless songwriting.

I do agree with you on two things: that the ending is rushed and that it is not their best album.

Flyingpig437 10-30-2011 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mighty Salami (Post 1113752)
26/10/11

The most high profile release of the year is here! Coldplay, the “biggest selling band in the world” have been busy for the last two weeks writing and recording another tempest of throbbing and pulsing noise. No matter how much I could try to ignore it, I’m going to have to listen to all the songs sooner or later.

I have a personal grudge against Coldplay, yet also a kind of admiration. A lot of my family comes from Exeter in Devon, which is the home city of Chris Martin, the watery–eyed vegan frontman of the band. For some reason, everyone in Exeter seems to absolutely love Coldplay. Everyone goes around humming “Yellow”. My cousin always seems to be playing “Shiver” in her car. Why? We here in Manchester wouldn’t be caught dead listening to Oasis. Why?

But at the same time, I admire the fact that a band with such an annoying frontman, useless lead guitarist and inaudible bassist who write such vague and nonsensical odes to whiny, feeble love affairs and inarticulate political malaise have found a way to somehow become the world’s best-selling band. How could they?
For your amusement, I shall write this article in the same style as Mary Portas’ shop reviews.

“Mylo Xyloto”


Good for: Some interesting melodies, very good drumming.


Bad for: Maddeningly annoying vocals comprising of “who–oh-oh-oh” in pretty much every line, emotionally corrosive falsetto, super saturated production, random weird electronic distortions of guitars, incompetent guitar work and hazy background fuzzing.


The Windows: What does this album look like to me? Let’s start with the weird and unpronounceable title “Mylo Xyloto”. What does it mean? Allow Chris Martin to explain: “It doesn’t have any meaning”. Thanks a lot. It sounds like the title for a dubious Japanese fantasy movie with all the sea monsters and dragons and tentacle porn and pointless quests with villainous ugly fat men with evil masks.

The album art features chaotic splodges of paint scraped over a graffiti–covered wall. Aw bless them; they’re trying to be cool.

Glancing through the track listing, I noted with some alarm that the song “Princess of China” featured Rihanna. For goodness sake, this is supposed to be a rock band! It was okay when they let Jay-Z rap along to “Lost!” because he is a genuine musician (and a lot better than any of them), but Rihanna is famous only for her sex appeal (not that there’s anything wrong with that…). This confirms, in the words of Neil McCormick, that “Coldplay are a pop group in rock clothing”. It was obviously only a ploy to appeal to as many people as possible. It greatly annoyed me. The song sucked, too. It never really seemed to go anywhere, and Rihanna spent most of the time going “ahhhh, ohhhh, noooo”.

Shopability: What did it sound like? (I’ve got to talk about this somewhere). I should note that this album was produced by Brian Eno, famed for his awful work with U2, his electro-pop / “experimental” solo work that we all were forced to pretend to like, and his militant atheism. His production of the Coldplay sound has buried it deep within layers of saturation, hazy mechanically induced tuning and goodness knows what else. The thing about U2 is that every song sounds pretty much identical. Now Eno has put his oar in, I think it has had the same effect on Coldplay. And the lyrics? “It’s us against the wo-hu-hurld”, he moans somewhere in the chorus of the first song. I’m sorry, Chris, but Coldplay are now deeply rooted in the establishment, and the world loves you and supports your activities. They could have at least had some decent music for the song, but instead we have an organ wobbling away slowly in the background and guitars that sound like pitched farting. Once again, the words to the songs frustrate me. They seem to rhyme purely for the sake of rhyming, and don’t really follow a particular order. And, oh please, his falsetto is back. “Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall” strikes me in particular for its unbearable line: “it was a wah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ter fall” which for some reason makes me automatically clench my fists. Thom Yorke got a bit annoying at times, but Martin makes him sound like James Earl. I shall also rudely observe that Johnny Buckland is a really bad guitarist. The awful mistake in “Viva la Vida” was letting him play a five note guitar solo to “Violet Hill” that went on for ages. In “Mylo Xyloto”, he’s even less impressive. After a while, it gets really boring and I think that about half of the blame rests with Johnny Buckland. And Guy Berryman? Well, he is Scottish, and furthermore he grew up near Kirkcaldy, which is Gordon Brown’s constituency. And I have to strain my ears to find any worthwhile addition he makes to any Coldplay song. He’s not bad, as such, just a background figure who doesn’t make much of a contribution. He ardently refuses to build a harmony around the music, like a good bassist should, but just churns out the notes that everyone else is playing. And yet he has a personal fortune of about £25,000,000. You could almost buy a house in France for that amount.


Was I being served? Did the album provide me with something I could relate to? In spite of everything I’ve said, Will Champion is a superb drummer. He really knows how to keep a song moving. The best part of “Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall” is easily the drum solo at the end. It is quite refreshing in its own way. He really made me sit up in 2007 with “Viva la Vida” which was described by Chris Martin as a “bell odyssey”. If you’re into drums, I would really recommend this album.


I really like Will Champion. He is the only really talented member of the band, he looks like a New Zealand full–back, and has some terrifying facial hair and expressions, but he is actually a very sensitive man who wrote and performed the adorable little piano song “Postcards From Far Away”, and his dad is some highly respected professor somewhere. He probably deserves a better band.


Verdict: Well, Apart from the top notch drumming, the album doesn’t really do the trick. It is clearly a great improvement from the awful “X & Y”, but a step backwards from the not-bad-at-all “Viva la Vida”, and relies too much on the Brian Eno induced foggy haze of electronic sound that tidies over their inadequacies. Can’t make a chord sound interesting? Why not use a computer to make it throb for a bit and then it might sound cool? If you've got more money than sense, go out and buy it.


Rating: ★★☆☆☆

LDT

That's the most thoughtfully cynical review i've ever read. I'm a recnet convert to CP so I think you're being a bit too cynical but you don't come across as having an attitude towards them. Intersting review but i have to say one day you will submit...you will be on your knees before chris martin begging his forgiveness. CP make very fine music.

Flyingpig437 10-30-2011 04:16 PM

btw op. Where did you hear this album? It's not being streamed. I wanna hear it but I'm not prepared to pay for it yet.

Flyingpig437 10-30-2011 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mighty Salami (Post 1113752)
26/10/11


[If you've got more money than sense, go out and buy it.


Interesting choice of words. Brian Eno don't come cheap!!

Dcpballa1 10-30-2011 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mighty Salami (Post 1114863)
Well, I know that the word "great" is subjective, but I can't for the life of me divine any sense whatsoever from the lyrics to "Paradise":

"When she was just a girl / She expected the world / But it flew away from her reach / And the bullets catch in her teeth"

I think my accusation of rhyming for rhyme's sake is justified. What tense is it supposed to be in anyway? The song is insipid enough anyway without this kind of sloppy, careless songwriting.

I do agree with you on two things: that the ending is rushed and that it is not their best album.

Paradise is about a Girl who thought she could do anything in the world. The older she got more problems she faced and her dreams were taken from her. She searches for Paradise. The bullets catch in her teeth are the problems she faces. Music has a lot of metaphors.

YorkeDaddy 10-31-2011 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mighty Salami (Post 1114863)
Well, I know that the word "great" is subjective, but I can't for the life of me divine any sense whatsoever from the lyrics to "Paradise":

"When she was just a girl / She expected the world / But it flew away from her reach / And the bullets catch in her teeth"

I think my accusation of rhyming for rhyme's sake is justified. What tense is it supposed to be in anyway? The song is insipid enough anyway without this kind of sloppy, careless songwriting.

I do agree with you on two things: that the ending is rushed and that it is not their best album.

Rhyming for rhyme's sake? These lines don't even rhyme completely; rather, they are semi-rhymed. And how are these bad lyrics? What is defined as "good" lyrics to you? Would you rather go jam to some Floyd and hear Gilmour babble, "hello? is there anybody out there? just nod if you can hear me"

Poetic.

Paradise is about a girl that thought she was on top of the world. Everybody knows someone like this in their life. Well, this song describes the girl's downfall. "Bullets" are a metaphorical way of describing the newfound issues in her life, as the poster before me said. Maybe you're incapable of understanding figurative language, and for that, I apologize.

Salami 10-31-2011 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YorkeDaddy (Post 1115017)
Rhyming for rhyme's sake? These lines don't even rhyme completely; rather, they are semi-rhymed. And how are these bad lyrics? What is defined as "good" lyrics to you? Would you rather go jam to some Floyd and hear Gilmour babble, "hello? is there anybody out there? just nod if you can hear me"

Poetic.

Paradise is about a girl that thought she was on top of the world. Everybody knows someone like this in their life. Well, this song describes the girl's downfall. "Bullets" are a metaphorical way of describing the newfound issues in her life, as the poster before me said. Maybe you're incapable of understanding figurative language, and for that, I apologize.

YorkeDaddy, you are probably the nicest person on this forum (from what I can gather) so maybe you can understand. My frustration is not just with the awful grammar, but with the ode that is "Paradise". Can you not detect even the slightest bit of weediness and the pathetic whiny disposition that for me absolutely overwhelms the song? Maybe you consider it a beautiful metaphorical piece of sympathy, and that is entirely acceptable. But please, don't accuse me of not understanding figurative language. I understand this song, but I despise the lugubrious clumsiness with which they craft their lyrics which are to me, insipid.

Remember that at the end of the day, I am only an angry, irritable English snob on the internet whose opinion doesn't affect yours, so don't let me ruin your day.

NOTE: this only applies to YorkeDaddy.

andrew_turnbull 11-01-2011 04:17 AM

think coldplay might be losing it.....

Salami 11-01-2011 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flyingpig437 (Post 1114871)
btw op. Where did you hear this album? It's not being streamed. I wanna hear it but I'm not prepared to pay for it yet.

That's a good question... Coldplay, being obnoxious and self important have refused to put the album on Spotify, so that's a non starter. I was masochistic enough to buy the album ( £8 on iTunes, £10 everywhere else). If you want, you could go to youtube and type in the name of each song and you should find that someone's upoaded them.
As a final resort, you could go to the iTunes website and listen to the 90 second samples of each song, but I doubt you'd be that desperate.

I suppose my final advice would be not to buy it at all, true Coldplay fans will find it a disappointment, and everyone else will hate it anyway (apart from the adorable YorkeDaddy, who likes everything except my reviews).

I hope that was useful.

robinjones 11-02-2011 03:03 PM

I'm dissapointed so far

Mylo Xyloto/Hurts Like Heaven - awesome

Paradise - too weak and boring

Charlie Brown - probably the best song on new album

Us Against The World - sounds like a B-side from Parachutes

MMIX/Every Teardrop - also one of the better songs

first half is much better than second

Alfred 11-02-2011 06:34 PM

http://www.theoldcomputer.com/sitefi...sc/5stars2.gif

Score is for the review. Keep up the good work.

Surell 11-05-2011 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YorkeDaddy (Post 1115017)
Would you rather go jam to some Floyd and hear Gilmour babble, "hello? is there anybody out there? just nod if you can hear me"

Poetic.

:/

really?

Besides, if i wanted to heaar about a girl's life sucking and whatnot, i could listen to the first verse of Don't Stop Believing, or Midnight Train to Georgia, or those other mopey ass white people songs about girls' lives sucking. It's not exactly the most original topic or poetic figurative language utilized in a song that i know of. The worst rappers have better figurative language and turns of phrases than a play on the "biting the bullet" cliche.

Alexthe4th 11-20-2011 04:13 PM

I think you did a great job on this review.

chiaroscuro 11-26-2011 10:20 AM

I love Mylo Xyloto (probably for some of the reasons you used to criticize the record). But even so, this was a well articulated review with some good points; however, I do think it's much more enjoyable than Viva la Vida, which just seemed to be an emotionally flat album, but that's just me.

Salami 11-27-2011 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chiaroscuro (Post 1124174)
I love Mylo Xyloto (probably for some of the reasons you used to criticize the record). But even so, this was a well articulated review with some good points; however, I do think it's much more enjoyable than Viva la Vida, which just seemed to be an emotionally flat album, but that's just me.

Ahhh, don't mind me. I am very biased about this! And I'm sure that if their music brings you pleasure, you shouldn't stop listening to them. It's really only about what you enjoy, and if you can find and emotion AT ALL in Viva la Vida, then I applaud you.

haakoncon 01-22-2013 02:42 PM

I agree with you Salami

neardeathexperience 01-27-2013 05:34 PM

It is very hard to move one's career forward when you cannot attain what made you great in the first place. Living up to the expectations of your previous albums is a daunting task for any band much less Coldplay, but because they already gave us their Rush Of Blood To The Head album I see a long awkward trip back to the top of the mountain for them. Plainly it is not here. You can sing songs as sweetly as you can. You can play music to the absolute best of your ability, but if the product does not send shivers up one's back it is all for naught.

Isbjørn 01-29-2013 10:49 AM

If the artist knows what the fans want, why not at least TRY to satisfy them? We alredy have enough synthpop on the lists - we want what was popular before. They shouldn't pretend to be more stupid than they are, none of their fans really thought Mylo Xyloto could compare to the masterpiece called A Rush of Blood to the Head. I liked the more britpop-influenced style, so did mostly the rest of their fans. Coldplay knows how to make good songs, so I don't see any reason for not executing it. Oh, and Neardeathexperience, you may have a point when you say that it'd be hard to make the original sound, but personally I don't think that is a valid reason for giving up to commercialism and start making what everyone else makes nowadays.

My opinion on the evolution of their albums:
http://img833.imageshack.us/img833/8849/coldplayvl.png

Kelli 01-29-2013 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Briks (Post 1280489)
If the artist knows what the fans want, why not at least TRY to satisfy them? We alredy have enough synthpop on the lists - we want what was popular before. They shouldn't pretend to be more stupid than they are, none of their fans really thought Mylo Xyloto could compare to the masterpiece called A Rush of Blood to the Head. I liked the more britpop-influenced style, so did mostly the rest of their fans. Coldplay knows how to make good songs, so I don't see any reason for not executing it. Oh, and Neardeathexperience, you may have a point when you say that it'd be hard to make the original sound, but personally I don't think that is a valid reason for giving up to commercialism and start making what everyone else makes nowadays.

My opinion on the evolution of their albums:
http://img833.imageshack.us/img833/8849/coldplayvl.png

I agree with you for the most part. Mylo Xyloto holds no comparison to their previous albums, especially the first two, which are why people liked them in the first place. While I think Hurts Like Heaven, Paradise, and Every Teardrop were great pop songs, I can barely make it through listening to the second half of the album. The previous albums I feel were all solid and I've listened to them many times. And also I feel like the album would have been slightly better if they'd included Moving to Mars and ditched one of the boring songs like Up In Flames, Us Against the World, etc. I remember when this came out they said it would probably be their last album, and I'd be okay with that. If collaborations with top 40 pop artists are the direction they've taken I'd rather leave their music as is and remember them for making good albums like Parachutes and A Rush of Blood, which were both among the first cds I ever bought.

But to be honest, when it comes to the post-Britpop sound I've always sort of preferred Radiohead or The Verve. xP

neardeathexperience 01-30-2013 07:22 AM

Distractions of wealth and all that is around them may be the downfall of Coldplay. I don't think their choice in producers on their last two albums has helped the cause either. The songs some how have gotten over produced and sound so large with all that is going on in them they have lost their way in my opinion. Parachutes along with Rush Of Blood To The Head are going to be where Coldplay left their mark as far as I can see.

emalvick 02-13-2013 11:08 AM

I feel like Coldplay are making a career of trying to be like other successful bands and albums rather than creating their own sound.

The use of Brian Eno (especially on VLV) showed a band trying hard to match the popularity of U2 by putting out an album that sounds like a U2 album. As a fan of A Rush of Blood to the Head and even X&Y (kind of A Rush of Blood Part 2), I found VLV a bit of a step backward. Mylo Xyloto does deviate from what they did with VLV, but it ventures too much into a Pop sound that reminds me of Maroon 5. I had to get rid of the album as I just couldn't get into it.

The review here really is spot on even if I don't fully agree with all the details. Brian Eno does seem to be a problem although I won't criticize his production work for older albums (80's-90's U2, 70's David Bowie), but what he has done as a producer since 2000 lacks any real creativity.

I'm also having to come to grips with the fact that Coldplay aren't destined to be a rock band. In a lot of ways, they've always been a pop band. THey just hid behind this idea that they were a rock band. There's nothing wrong with that; it's just not for me. I'll still enjoy A Rush of Blood, but I'll let others stay in love with what Coldplay has done and will do since then.

neardeathexperience 02-13-2013 12:32 PM

I think after hearing them do some of the songs off Rush Of Blood live they are every bit a rock band. God Put A Smile On My Face, Politik and a few others are just crushing when pushed through 50,000 watts of sound.

JohnConnington 02-18-2013 04:56 AM

Decent review but this album is the worst that Coldplay have released.

It's not a patch on the first 3 (Parachutes, Rush Of Blood, X&Y)...


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