I think my mom, bless her heart, is the stupidest person I know. I'm going to hell for saying that, but it's true.
Mom: *sneezing 14 times*
Me: "You should sneeze through your nose or something, maybe whatever's in there will get blown out and stop irritating it?"
Mom: "No way!"
Me: "Why not?"
Mom: "Because you can die like that!"
Me: "What?"
Mom: "The pressure can make your brains explode out your ears and you need to stop trying to get me to sneeze through my nose so I'll die."
Or...
Mom: "I don't believe in doctors. I'm not going to one. If I go they're going to make me get surgery on my back and I'm going to be in a wheel chair for the rest of my life."
Me: "Mom, it's for a prescription."
Mom: "I don't believe in prescriptions."
Or..
Mom: "The only reason you didn't die in Iraq is because I prayed for you."
Me: "I was never in any real danger."
Mom: "You still would have died."
Or...
Me: "Mom, you should stop smoking. That cough is really getting bad. I don't want you to get cancer"
Mom: "I won't get cancer. I pray about it."
Me: "So there's never been a case of a Christian dying of cancer?"
Mom: "No. And if there is, they weren't Christian enough."
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKK
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