Tore, your whole description of your reaction to the alcohol in your system is very scary to me. I think people's advice about seeing your own doctor or *any* doctor, plus trying to eat *healthful* food, avoid all drugs, drink a lot of water, and sleep, sound reasonable, though I am not at all an expert on alcohol, having avoided it most of my life.
I understand you would be worried about the cumulative effects of alcohol on your brain. I would be, too. The reality is that these fears are justified, since alcohol causes permanent brain changes and damage, with long-term use leading to mental confusion and persistent learning and memory problems.
ALCOHOL'S DAMAGING EFFECTS ON THE BRAIN
Chronic Alcohol Consumption and Withdrawal Do Not Induce Cell Death in the Suprachiasmatic Nucleus, But Lead to Irreversible Depression of Peptide Immunoreactivity and mRNA Levels -- Madeira et al. 17 (4): 1302 -- Journal of Neuroscience
My question for you and others who have drunk or drink a lot of alcohol, is this: what exactly is the lure or draw of alcohol for you? What is alcohol giving you that you feel you don't have without it?
The only times I drank alcohol (back in college) led to me being tipsy, depressed, tired, and less out-going. I remember having to turn my thoughts inward to accomplish simple things. For example, walking through a bar to go to the bathroom, I'd be saying to myself: "Okay, you are walking down the hall now. Now you have to grasp the knob and turn it. You can do it!" etc. Also, my math skills plummeted. Then, at home, with head spinning, I'd just get depressed and sleepy. This only had to happen twice for me to say I didn't want that anymore, and I never drank again.
So, I've never figured out what causes people to want to drink, given the immediate effects it produces (in me) and the long-term negative effects I know alcohol has on the body's and brain's health.
I always feel more light-hearted and sociable without alcohol. Do most of you feel the reverse...that alcohol makes things more fun?