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Old 02-14-2010, 11:17 AM   #2 (permalink)
t3hplatyz0rz
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What's with all these breakup songs? First "On a Sunny Day", then "After Death Hater", and now you.
Anyway.

What I generally like to say to people with unfinished songs is that they really don't need to write any more. But you do. You have two characters in this song so far, the narrator and the one she/he broke up with. (She?)
But I really haven't seen very much about the second character. It would be nice to see them do something meet each-other and get into a huge fight, or some sort of climactic event like that.
Or, you could not do that. It's your song.

Anyway, I like the strong similarities in-between the different lines of the chorus, and the two verses. The first line of the two verses is very similar which is good. IDK why, it's just cool. And the whole "do you remember when..." thing is very prominent. But I would not suggest including it too many times because it seems to be a little bit repetitive.
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