mmmm.... i smell a dud. There isn't really anything powerful in any of these stanzas... I mean parts of it could be ok for a jam song (kinda like Suzie Q, man i love singing that song...) but lyrically its just lack-luster.
Personally I would suggest that you try a different subject matter. You could edit this one (if i recall correctly, you blew me away with your last edit..) but there's not a whole lot to work with here.
It's great that you are practicing writing, now instead of trying to make a song out of a few circumstances that may or may not have happened, focus on the little things, the details are often what make a song or poem powerful. Heck, you could write about a dirty bathroom and as long as it's well written, it could be a hit. My suggestion is that you drop the young romance crap and venture into untested territory.
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