Originally Posted by l337m4n

It's more like a narrative or a story more than lyrics (for the first one). I would try to rhyme a few endings even if your screaming it. Try to be less literal, skip unneeded adjectives and small situations like reaching for a glass and replace it with what you noticed or felt.Something like almost dropping my glass when i notice you can affect more that just reaching for it etc. You have a lot to work on like me, but your story telling is good and being more cryptic/less literal will help. Maye get some proactive if your going to be the lead singer :P