Quote:
Originally Posted by brentc106
I was at a party, just passing through
reaching over for a glass, thats when i noticed you,
you were stood over in the corner with a gleem in your eye
I wanted to walk over but i guess i was shy
By chance, i dont think so, girl you looked so amazing
i was too slow though, you had my fire blazing (ahh, a bit over used.. espcially since you use amazing in the chorus)
Im asking
Can you please tell me
Tell me why your so amazing
Why someone like you
Could be put in my life for
At first it thourt (I dont know what this word is supposed to be) to help me
But all you did was wreak me (Do you mean wreck me?)
After weeks of you on my mind, i finally see you
this time no mistakes, I approach so i am near you
my legs wobble again, this cant happen again
you start to walk away and i cant help but say girl
Can you please tell me
Tell me why your so amazing
Why someone like you
Could be put in my life for
At first it thourt to help me
But all you did was wreak me
Is That Better?
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Other than a few nitpicky things, this is Jaw Droppingly better. I think you just posted the unedited version so that you would come across as genius the second time around. I can't stop sputtering at how much better it is. The topic is simple, but if its coupled with endearingly simple music, you've practically got a hit in the making. Especially if ur cute. (hate to say it but its true. Cuteness sometimes gets you further than talent. Just look at Taylor Swift) Are you?
The chorus could still use just a teeny bit of tweaking...but just subtley. Nice.