mr dave

it's been a lot of different things at different points.

my old man was a relatively successful musician back in the day, as in, it's how he made a living and supported his family. so it was always around but it was always more 'his' thing. almost like we weren't supposed to be able to 'get' it only 'adore' it through him. or so that's how my memory puts those pieces together, it's been a while now.

after my parents split i always paid attention to 'music' at least to the extent i could back in the early 80s. which usually consisted of listening to a classic rock station and the American Top 40 every sunday afternoon back when it was hosted by Casey Casem haha. in retrospect it was an attempt by my broken boy self to hold onto some perceived piece of my old man in a way.

then one fine night in grade 9 i was watching over my little cousins and doing homework when i caught this video...



that was the point when everything in my head changed. i knew it was on, and it was only a matter of time before i got a guitar. turned out to be close to 3 years before that happened on Valentine's Day 1993.

i built up technique by playing nothing but covers for the next 5 years. any tab i could get my hands on i would buy. the stack of guitar magazines at my mom's house reached above my knee and that wasn't counting the dozen or so official tab books for my favourites at the time.

it's only once i hit college for the last time in 1998 that i actually started considering myself as a musician. it's where i met the first people that cracked me out of my shell and exposed me to my own ability to play music. prior to that i really couldn't do anything but play covers, which turned out to be a great way to build up technique.

ultimately it goes back to the start and my old man though. it took me years to recognize it, and a few more to be upfront with myself about it enough to be open about it. basically the early covers period was an attempt to impress him with my technical abilities and my misguided ideas of what playing music was. the improv years were my rebellion against my own perceived notions of his more traditional approach to playing music.

now that it's all out in the open though i'm left without a real motivating factor. the best word to describe most of our jams was 'cathartic', it wasn't for anyone's benefit besides our own, but at this point the obstacle is overcome, that line is crossed and i'm not seeing any to address anymore.

so for now i no longer look for a reason to become a musician, i'm left wondering if i should continue being one.

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i am the universe