Music Banter - View Single Post - The song called Why does my love always die. Please tell me what do you think? Read

iron9567 · 10-27-2009, 02:41 PM

First off welcome to the site hope you enjoy yourself here on music banter.
I'm having a hard time taking this lyric seriously because of the forced lines. I think that you should cut some lines. And then prune the metaphores to be worded better. I will say you have a good potential in this song. Just take this song and drop some lines and reword the ones you leave. The way you tend to repeat yourself. This makes the rhythm and flow stressed. At times it makes the lines seem more forced then what they need to be. It not always a no-no to repeat in a song. But if you have the content that's strong enough to hold it. then its okay to do. well thats all i can say for what you have posted so far. do some editing then post back up to show the changes you may make with this.
thanks
the iron man

10-27-2009, 02:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
iron9567 musicbanter peeping tom Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 74	First off welcome to the site hope you enjoy yourself here on music banter. I'm having a hard time taking this lyric seriously because of the forced lines. I think that you should cut some lines. And then prune the metaphores to be worded better. I will say you have a good potential in this song. Just take this song and drop some lines and reword the ones you leave. The way you tend to repeat yourself. This makes the rhythm and flow stressed. At times it makes the lines seem more forced then what they need to be. It not always a no-no to repeat in a song. But if you have the content that's strong enough to hold it. then its okay to do. well thats all i can say for what you have posted so far. do some editing then post back up to show the changes you may make with this. thanks the iron man __________________ thanks The iron man I don't want to change the world. I just want to make the world colder then the day I came.