I honestly don't feel like going into an all out critique today, so I'll tell you mostly what is good about your song, and a little of the bad.
1.)Music is decent, but lacking suprises. I didn't listen all the way through, but modulating up a half step is the usual 'suprise'. Switching up the feel or meter would also usher in a couple more ears.
2.)Nice Hat
3.)Your singing is on pitch. You sound like every other guy I know who plays guitar, the only difference being that you're better than them. Still, If that style is not what naturally comes to you, don't force it.
4.)Melody is a little iffy. A good song has a really defined melody--so, if you ever find a piano, sit down and write out the melody note by note. Don't forget to include some 7ths in there too. They make it sound that much more interesting if used correctly.
5.)the lyrics are, in fact, quite good. Both your 'choruses', if that's what you call them are the weakest parts of the song, mainly because the words in them drag on into the next phrase quite uncomfortably. It would be different if you sang them with a huge amount of confidence, but you don't--that's mainly because, as I said in point 4, you don't have an incredibly well defined melody. Again, that could be solved by sitting down at a piano or something.
So, I'm tired, wanna take a nap, but can't. Gotta do some things; meet some people etc. etc. I would like to hear some more of your work.
peace out,
-nick
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