There are some pretty strong lines. But others are weak. They take away from the power of your message. Lines like:
"im sort of in love with you"
"knowing that impossible wasn't changing"
"i know it wont happen to me / but i can still dream"
I think what's holding you back is, some of the phrasing is really noncommittal. This is a sad song. There's a lot of pain in the story you're telling. But there are too many throwaway syllables, and the structure is too loose.
Maybe that's what you're going for. And maybe it actually works better than I think. It's hard to say without hearing the melody and the arrangement that goes under it all.
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