Nicktarist

This one is unfinished (as there are some stanzas to be written before and after this). I don't want to finish it and find that something foundational in the song is wrong.

The story itself was inspired by Persig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance when he wrote about a man who had no access to his own senses until he would be 18 (hypothetically of course)--he used this in his defense of Immanuel Kant's a priori concept. I simply decided to pull that concept and tell a story about it. I also pulled the name 'Estelle' from Great Expectations (yes I'm reading the book right now---or I probably could be...)

---In his mind he made a world
based of the things he knew
only he could walk and talk
as things unfurled,
he could love another too

As to who she was
he was never quite certain
but he thought give her a name
---"Estelle" from the fuzz
as helifted her chin
"Why do you cry, there's nothing to shame"

He composed himself neatly
(hiding the gap in his leg)
as it was his life's fee
it's one we will all pay
so that we can stay
inside the yoke of an egg

yes, he knew there was more
a world of it's own
a dimension of a differant understanding
---but he was locked behind a door
a golden doorknob it shown
a spaceship parked on a landing

He said one day
"I'll open that door"
"If it's that last thing I do"
"I know I should stay"
"But I'm restless for more"
"The ship is way past due"

Folk like--and as someone said earlier in this thread, very nursery rhyme like. Unfortunately, that's one cage I'll never be able to escape.
(Now, I'll ask again)
are there any strange lines or foundational problems?

peace,
-nick

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