...the lyrics are good...a little too much like Rush for me, but that's just personal preference.
I didn't think a baby cried in her mothers insides.
"The newly born
sleeps in his prison
embracing the sun
as it burns wooden bars,
igniting the fuel in the scars
that cover his flailing arms
gripping the sacred star,
sewn to feathers and tar
he only feels mud and whips
so he lives in his mind!"
....it's seems like your trying to show the different stages of life...I don't usually think of the newly born having that many scars, unless their parents are mean to them.
I'm also not sure what the sacred star, and the feathers and tar are. This stanza is a little confusing to be honest.
..........as a poem alone...you have a solid foundation but need to cut out some extraneous details...as a song, I don't know how you compose music so I'm not quite sure if it works or not.
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