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[witty screenname] · 07-12-2009, 06:38 PM

Artist: Brokencyde
Album: I'm Not a Fan... But the Kids Like It!
Year: 2009
Label: Suburban Noize

... I do not want to do this.

At least I got some pleasure out of my last review, because Spiderland is a great album. But this? This is sort of the opposite of my experience with Spiderland. I searched for "worst bands ever" on Google, and I found a lot of references to Brokencyde. Seriously, I could not find one positive review for these guys.

After that, I though, how bad could they really be? Very, very bad.

I'm not taking you track by track like I did with Spiderland - this album has seventeen tracks, and I'd probably run out of things to say. Anyway, *gulp* here goes.

Brokencyde, basically, are a "crunkcore" band. What this means is that they fuse together crunk and screamo, with electronic elements. Unfortunately for them, I hate both crunk and screamo.

What this unholy coupling results in is three rapper-singers with ridiculous names (Se7en, Mik L and Phat J). Mik L does clean vocals, while resorting to one of the worst things in music, Autotune. Autotune is a nifty piece of software; you tell it what notes you're trying to hit, and it corrects you when you screw up. Unfortunately, it would seem that Mik L is tone deaf, because I can hear Autotune in effect everywhere, making him sound vaguely robotic. Se7en and Phat J at least leave Autotune off, but Se7en's beating-up-a-cat howling and Phat J's absurdly low growl do little to distract from the Autotune mess.

I bet you're wondering, "Are there any instruments to distract from the awful vocals?" Just one - a synthesizer, played by our ol' buddy Phat J. Well, at least he's borderline competent in this arena. Several songs, "Freaxxx" and "Sex Toyz" among them, have decent beats that are easy to dance to - nothing special, mind, and they don't really stay with you once the song is done, but they bring Brokencyde up a couple of points.

Oh, I forgot to mention, Brokencyde has two other members. Antz is some dude in shutter sunglasses whose job it is to turn on the fog machine and strobe lights at live shows, and Bree Bree is a loser in a pig costume who acts as their official mascot. Bree Bree at least dances at live shows, but Antz is just Mr. Useless. Se7en, Mik L and Phat J should just admit these guys are financial liabilities, but no, Antz and Bree Bree are here to stay.

But the worst part of Brokencyde by far are the lyrics (or as they say on their MySpace page, "Lyrixxx"), all written by Se7en. For your edification, here's a sample from "Sex Toyz":

I love it when you tease me
You make it seem so easy
When you make my pee pee hard
Girl you make my pee pee hard

... Yeah, all of their lyrixxx are like that. Brokencyde are fascinated by sex, but not in the refreshingly juvenile manner of crunkcore peers 3Oh!3. This is the dirty, stalker sense, and their lyrixxx are just disgusting. Some more, from "2 Drunk", perhaps? (This isn't actually from this album, it's from the BC13 EP, but it's good for demonstrating.)

Up and down back and forth
I'm making you my whore
Up and down back and forth
Girl you will be my whore

Okay, that's enough. I've had enough. And I'm not one to criticize a band for it's image, but look at the way these dorks dress (I'm not inflicting it on your eyes here; look for Brokencyde on Google Images). Some people are actually so revolted by Brokencyde, they think it's a joke band (seeing as how their first, self-released EP was a sensitive emo-rap fest). If it's a joke, it isn't funny. If it isn't a joke, I weep for humanity.

Well, at least I can take consolation in the fact that I'm reviewing Talk Talk's Laughing Stock next and it isn't as bad as this. 1.5/10

07-12-2009, 06:38 PM	#2 (permalink)
[witty screenname] Groupie Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Standing right behind you Posts: 10	Artist: Brokencyde Album: I'm Not a Fan... But the Kids Like It! Year: 2009 Label: Suburban Noize ... I do not want to do this. At least I got some pleasure out of my last review, because Spiderland is a great album. But this? This is sort of the opposite of my experience with Spiderland. I searched for "worst bands ever" on Google, and I found a lot of references to Brokencyde. Seriously, I could not find one positive review for these guys. After that, I though, how bad could they really be? Very, very bad. I'm not taking you track by track like I did with Spiderland - this album has seventeen tracks, and I'd probably run out of things to say. Anyway, gulp here goes. Brokencyde, basically, are a "crunkcore" band. What this means is that they fuse together crunk and screamo, with electronic elements. Unfortunately for them, I hate both crunk and screamo. What this unholy coupling results in is three rapper-singers with ridiculous names (Se7en, Mik L and Phat J). Mik L does clean vocals, while resorting to one of the worst things in music, Autotune. Autotune is a nifty piece of software; you tell it what notes you're trying to hit, and it corrects you when you screw up. Unfortunately, it would seem that Mik L is tone deaf, because I can hear Autotune in effect everywhere, making him sound vaguely robotic. Se7en and Phat J at least leave Autotune off, but Se7en's beating-up-a-cat howling and Phat J's absurdly low growl do little to distract from the Autotune mess. I bet you're wondering, "Are there any instruments to distract from the awful vocals?" Just one - a synthesizer, played by our ol' buddy Phat J. Well, at least he's borderline competent in this arena. Several songs, "Freaxxx" and "Sex Toyz" among them, have decent beats that are easy to dance to - nothing special, mind, and they don't really stay with you once the song is done, but they bring Brokencyde up a couple of points. Oh, I forgot to mention, Brokencyde has two other members. Antz is some dude in shutter sunglasses whose job it is to turn on the fog machine and strobe lights at live shows, and Bree Bree is a loser in a pig costume who acts as their official mascot. Bree Bree at least dances at live shows, but Antz is just Mr. Useless. Se7en, Mik L and Phat J should just admit these guys are financial liabilities, but no, Antz and Bree Bree are here to stay. But the worst part of Brokencyde by far are the lyrics (or as they say on their MySpace page, "Lyrixxx"), all written by Se7en. For your edification, here's a sample from "Sex Toyz": I love it when you tease me You make it seem so easy When you make my pee pee hard Girl you make my pee pee hard ... Yeah, all of their lyrixxx are like that. Brokencyde are fascinated by sex, but not in the refreshingly juvenile manner of crunkcore peers 3Oh!3. This is the dirty, stalker sense, and their lyrixxx are just disgusting. Some more, from "2 Drunk", perhaps? (This isn't actually from this album, it's from the BC13 EP, but it's good for demonstrating.) Up and down back and forth I'm making you my whore Up and down back and forth Girl you will be my whore Okay, that's enough. I've had enough. And I'm not one to criticize a band for it's image, but look at the way these dorks dress (I'm not inflicting it on your eyes here; look for Brokencyde on Google Images). Some people are actually so revolted by Brokencyde, they think it's a joke band (seeing as how their first, self-released EP was a sensitive emo-rap fest). If it's a joke, it isn't funny. If it isn't a joke, I weep for humanity. Well, at least I can take consolation in the fact that I'm reviewing Talk Talk's Laughing Stock next and it isn't as bad as this. 1.5/10 __________________ In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey Butane in my veins and I'm out to cut the junkie With the plastic eyeballs, spray-paint the vegetables Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose -- Beck, "Loser"