Music Banter - View Single Post - The 'Urban Looks At The UK Top 10 Singles Chart' Thread

Urban Hat€monger ? · 05-05-2009, 06:36 PM

It's back ladies & gentlefucks....

The Official UK Singles Chart : 03.05.2009

10. Beyonce - Halo
I feel like I have heard this song everyday for about the last 3 years. I had no idea what it was called or who it was by. I just assumed it was some girl yodelling for some new reality show where Andrew Lloyd Webber is casting for a musical based on the story of Heidi. Thankfully it isn't so at least I don't have to put up with Graham Norton ruining my Saturday evening viewing pleasure.

9. Lily Allen - Not Fair
What's not fair?
You have a face like a navvy?
Everybody knows your chirpy Cockney shtick is a load of fake nonsense?
Your Dad is a prize tosser who's nothing unless he has Peter Richardson writing for him?
Your tits were splashed all over the papers during the winter.
You've outlived your usefulness now, so sod off & let someone else have a go.

8. Eminem - We Made You
His voice still grates on me like fingernails down a blackboard. Same old shit just a different tune.

7. AR Rahman Ft Pussycat Dolls - Jai Ho (You Are My Destiny)
Apparently this guy has sold over 300 million records, suck on that Jacko.
All hail AR Rahman , the TRUE king of pop.
The song isn't bad actually, I wouldn't go out & buy it but I would be happy to listen to it, and it stands out head & shoulders amongst the rest of the dross that fills up this list. Would have been nice to have a proper Bollywood female singer doing the backing vocals and not that one from the Pussycat Dolls who is shagging Lewis Hamilton doing her best impression of Crispian Mills, but you can't have everything. My one disappointment with this is that with a title like Jai Ho I was expecting it to be a Bad Brains cover or something.

6. Ciara Ft Justin Timberlake- Love Sex Magic
Typical R&B dross.
Do R&B artists actually make music on their own. I've never heard of this Ciara woman before but it seems every song on youtube features her doing a song with some multi million selling male hip hop/ R&B star.
The same could be said of Timberflake, is there a single diva he's not shacked up with inside a recording studio?
Do they have rotas planning all these "Fts"s or something.
And why do they all sound like the same bloody song. Someone must be making a mint out of this racket.
I think they should do more of this stuff in rock music
The Boredoms Ft Jarvis Cocker
Coldplay Ft Jello Biafra
Kaiser Chiefs Ft Mark E Smith

Actually, scrub that last one

5. Lady Gaga -Poker Face
There's plenty I could say about this song & none of it favourable. However Vanilla quite likes this song and she's a hottie, so I really don't want to do anything to jeopardize getting into her knickers should the opportunity ever arise.

4. Calvin Harris - I'm Not Alone
Starts off like some dreary Coldplay record then suddenly turns into some of the cheesiest dance musak seen since Robert Miles.
Coming soon to an Ibiza compilation album near you.

3. Ironik/Chipmunk/Elton John - Tiny Dancer (Hold Me Closer)
Rapping over an Elton John song. WOW THAT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE!!!!!

2. La Roux - In For The Kill
Dreary 80s retro crap. The 80s were rubbish, trust me I lived through them.
It could have been Albert Roux singing this for all I care.

1. Tinchy Stryder Ft. N-Dubz - Number 1
Tinchy & N-Dubs?
There's a potential cartoon spin off buried in here somewhere.

A terrible collection of songs but on the bright side at least I didn't have to sit through any dull female singer songwriters or bland indie bands peddling turgid Dad Rock that should have been left buried in 1996.

See you in a years time.

05-05-2009, 06:36 PM	#47 (permalink)
Urban Hat€monger ? The Sexual Intellectual Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Somewhere cooler than you Posts: 18,626	It's back ladies & gentlefucks.... The Official UK Singles Chart : 03.05.2009 10. Beyonce - Halo I feel like I have heard this song everyday for about the last 3 years. I had no idea what it was called or who it was by. I just assumed it was some girl yodelling for some new reality show where Andrew Lloyd Webber is casting for a musical based on the story of Heidi. Thankfully it isn't so at least I don't have to put up with Graham Norton ruining my Saturday evening viewing pleasure. 9. Lily Allen - Not Fair What's not fair? You have a face like a navvy? Everybody knows your chirpy Cockney shtick is a load of fake nonsense? Your Dad is a prize tosser who's nothing unless he has Peter Richardson writing for him? Your tits were splashed all over the papers during the winter. You've outlived your usefulness now, so sod off & let someone else have a go. 8. Eminem - We Made You His voice still grates on me like fingernails down a blackboard. Same old shit just a different tune. 7. AR Rahman Ft Pussycat Dolls - Jai Ho (You Are My Destiny) Apparently this guy has sold over 300 million records, suck on that Jacko. All hail AR Rahman , the TRUE king of pop. The song isn't bad actually, I wouldn't go out & buy it but I would be happy to listen to it, and it stands out head & shoulders amongst the rest of the dross that fills up this list. Would have been nice to have a proper Bollywood female singer doing the backing vocals and not that one from the Pussycat Dolls who is shagging Lewis Hamilton doing her best impression of Crispian Mills, but you can't have everything. My one disappointment with this is that with a title like Jai Ho I was expecting it to be a Bad Brains cover or something. 6. Ciara Ft Justin Timberlake- Love Sex Magic Typical R&B dross. Do R&B artists actually make music on their own. I've never heard of this Ciara woman before but it seems every song on youtube features her doing a song with some multi million selling male hip hop/ R&B star. The same could be said of Timberflake, is there a single diva he's not shacked up with inside a recording studio? Do they have rotas planning all these "Fts"s or something. And why do they all sound like the same bloody song. Someone must be making a mint out of this racket. I think they should do more of this stuff in rock music The Boredoms Ft Jarvis Cocker Coldplay Ft Jello Biafra Kaiser Chiefs Ft Mark E Smith Actually, scrub that last one 5. Lady Gaga -Poker Face There's plenty I could say about this song & none of it favourable. However Vanilla quite likes this song and she's a hottie, so I really don't want to do anything to jeopardize getting into her knickers should the opportunity ever arise. 4. Calvin Harris - I'm Not Alone Starts off like some dreary Coldplay record then suddenly turns into some of the cheesiest dance musak seen since Robert Miles. Coming soon to an Ibiza compilation album near you. 3. Ironik/Chipmunk/Elton John - Tiny Dancer (Hold Me Closer) Rapping over an Elton John song. WOW THAT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE!!!!! 2. La Roux - In For The Kill Dreary 80s retro crap. The 80s were rubbish, trust me I lived through them. It could have been Albert Roux singing this for all I care. 1. Tinchy Stryder Ft. N-Dubz - Number 1 Tinchy & N-Dubs? There's a potential cartoon spin off buried in here somewhere. A terrible collection of songs but on the bright side at least I didn't have to sit through any dull female singer songwriters or bland indie bands peddling turgid Dad Rock that should have been left buried in 1996. See you in a years time. __________________ Urb's RYM Stuff Most people sell their soul to the devil, but the devil sells his soul to Nick Cave.