Quote:
Originally Posted by yvi_poison
suddenly
I hide behind this facade
stars in your eyes is blinding
my illusions
Northernlight
I call on you
attack me above
touch me from above
suffocate the night
Northernlight
Northernlight
Northernlight
In this night I fall in
A grief I cant recall
your hands
my pain
Northernlight
Sense my fear
attack m from above
touch me from nowhere
suffocate the fear
Northernlight
Northernlight
This night
Holding my breath
in this fire
heart losing beats
You say you say
you did
Northernlight
wipe my tears
with this power
touch me from above
Northernlight
Northernlight
tonight
Northernlight you sense
my fear
tonight
Come now to me
Northernlight
attack me free
this last
time
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Not as good as your first, although maybe that's because I'm not a big fan of that much repetition and one or two word lines. Description is key, i feel like stanza's such as
Come now to me
Northernlight
attack me free
this last
time
are copouts, because.... well, they're very generic. Don't let me discourage you though, you have some real potential talent, I would just say read more lyrics by the greats, poems AND songs. I would suggest Jeff Mangum (from the band Neutral Milk Hotel), he's my favorite lyricist of all time.