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SlayeReyalS · 04-25-2005, 05:51 PM

im gonna post a bunch of corny jokes from stupid.com.

One day a blonde and a brunette were watching the 6:00 evening news. On the news was a boy at the top of a building getting ready to jump. The blonde says out loud "I don't think he will jump."
The brunette responds by saying "I'll bet you $5 he will jump."

"Well I bet you $50 he won't jump," the blonde retorts.

"You're on!!" says the brunette.

After some time the boy finally jumps. The blonde pays up. As the brunette is walking out the door she turns around and says "I can't take this money from you. I saw the whole thing on the 5:00 evening news."

The blonde says "So did I, but I didn't think he would do it again."

Hillary Clinton dies and goes to Heaven where she meets St. Peter. She notices that there are clocks everywhere. She asks St. Peter why are there so many clocks here. St. Peter tells her that each clock represents a person on earth and that every time a person tells a lie, the clock ticks off one second.

St. Peter explains that the one clock has never moved because it belonged to Mother Theresa and she never told a lie her whole life. The next clock belonged to Abraham Lincoln and since he only told two lies his whole life, only two seconds had clicked. Hillary asks, "Where is Bill's clock?"

St. Peter says, "Bill's clock is upstairs in God's office. He's using it as a fan."

Three old men were sitting around the old folks home talking about their problems. One old man says, every morning I have to get up stand in front of toilet for about twenty minutes before anything finally decides to come out. The second man says that's nothing. Every morning I sit on the toilet for an hour trying to have a bowel movement. The third man says that's nothing every morning at six o'clock I urinate and at seven o'clock I have a bowel movement. The two men look at each other and say, so what's the problem! He says, I don't wake up till eight.

A guy walks into the vet's office with a hamster. He lays the hamster on the table and the doctor says, "I'm sorry, sir, but your hamster is dead."

"I want a second opinion!" the man demands.

So the doctor brings in a cat. The cat walks around the hamster, sniffs him and shakes its head. "Well the cat says your hamster is dead," says the doctor.

"Well I want a third opinion." So the doctor brings in a Labrador Retriever. The lab walks around the hamster, sniffs him and shakes its head. "The lab says your hamster is dead."

"OK, fine. What do I owe you?"

"$650" the doctor said.

"What?!? What for?"

"Well, you owe me $50, but the other $600 is for the cat scan and the lab test."

Actual except from Church Newsletters...

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say hell to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early.

Thursday night -- Potluck supper - Prayer and medication to follow.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Johnny.
Jonny who?
You spelled my name wrong.

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
George.
Oh hi. Come on in.

A man was riding in his car when a patrolman pulled him over and said, "You've just won $5,000 for wearing your seatbelt in a safety competition. What are you going to do with the money?"
And the guy said, "Well, I guess I'll go to driving school and get my drivers' license."
Then his wife, who was sitting beside him said, "Don't listen to him. He's always ****y when he's drunk."
Suddenly a guy popped up from the backseat and said, " I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
Soon came a knock from the trunk, and a voice said in Spanish, " Are we over the border yet?"

QUESTION: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
ANSWER: Because they have big fingers.

A man walks into a bar shaking his finger and says: "I got the beat from the man on the radio"

A second man walks into that bar shaking his finger and says: "I got the beat from the man on the radio"

A third man walks into that bar shaking his finger and the bartende says, "Let me guess, you got the beat from the man on the radio."

The man says: "No, I got a bugger on my finger and it won't let go!"

04-25-2005, 05:51 PM	#42 (permalink)
SlayeReyalS Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 358	im gonna post a bunch of corny jokes from stupid.com. One day a blonde and a brunette were watching the 6:00 evening news. On the news was a boy at the top of a building getting ready to jump. The blonde says out loud "I don't think he will jump." The brunette responds by saying "I'll bet you $5 he will jump." "Well I bet you $50 he won't jump," the blonde retorts. "You're on!!" says the brunette. After some time the boy finally jumps. The blonde pays up. As the brunette is walking out the door she turns around and says "I can't take this money from you. I saw the whole thing on the 5:00 evening news." The blonde says "So did I, but I didn't think he would do it again." Hillary Clinton dies and goes to Heaven where she meets St. Peter. She notices that there are clocks everywhere. She asks St. Peter why are there so many clocks here. St. Peter tells her that each clock represents a person on earth and that every time a person tells a lie, the clock ticks off one second. St. Peter explains that the one clock has never moved because it belonged to Mother Theresa and she never told a lie her whole life. The next clock belonged to Abraham Lincoln and since he only told two lies his whole life, only two seconds had clicked. Hillary asks, "Where is Bill's clock?" St. Peter says, "Bill's clock is upstairs in God's office. He's using it as a fan." Three old men were sitting around the old folks home talking about their problems. One old man says, every morning I have to get up stand in front of toilet for about twenty minutes before anything finally decides to come out. The second man says that's nothing. Every morning I sit on the toilet for an hour trying to have a bowel movement. The third man says that's nothing every morning at six o'clock I urinate and at seven o'clock I have a bowel movement. The two men look at each other and say, so what's the problem! He says, I don't wake up till eight. A guy walks into the vet's office with a hamster. He lays the hamster on the table and the doctor says, "I'm sorry, sir, but your hamster is dead." "I want a second opinion!" the man demands. So the doctor brings in a cat. The cat walks around the hamster, sniffs him and shakes its head. "Well the cat says your hamster is dead," says the doctor. "Well I want a third opinion." So the doctor brings in a Labrador Retriever. The lab walks around the hamster, sniffs him and shakes its head. "The lab says your hamster is dead." "OK, fine. What do I owe you?" "$650" the doctor said. "What?!? What for?" "Well, you owe me $50, but the other $600 is for the cat scan and the lab test." Actual except from Church Newsletters... Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say hell to someone who doesn't care much about you. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use the large double door at the side entrance. Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early. Thursday night -- Potluck supper - Prayer and medication to follow. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. Knock Knock Who's there? Johnny. Jonny who? You spelled my name wrong. Knock Knock. Who's there? George. Oh hi. Come on in. A man was riding in his car when a patrolman pulled him over and said, "You've just won $5,000 for wearing your seatbelt in a safety competition. What are you going to do with the money?" And the guy said, "Well, I guess I'll go to driving school and get my drivers' license." Then his wife, who was sitting beside him said, "Don't listen to him. He's always ****y when he's drunk." Suddenly a guy popped up from the backseat and said, " I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car." Soon came a knock from the trunk, and a voice said in Spanish, " Are we over the border yet?" QUESTION: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? ANSWER: Because they have big fingers. A man walks into a bar shaking his finger and says: "I got the beat from the man on the radio" A second man walks into that bar shaking his finger and says: "I got the beat from the man on the radio" A third man walks into that bar shaking his finger and the bartende says, "Let me guess, you got the beat from the man on the radio." The man says: "No, I got a bugger on my finger and it won't let go!"