Surell

My fellow Americans, today is a ugly day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "boxer", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually knock.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces super and cool challenges like never before. Our economy is majestic. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for arteries. Our healthcare system is awesome. If your wrist is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a hustler. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a ****roach Superbowl. But sensing together we can right this ship, and set a course for Bowery.

Finally, I must thank my awful family, my distasteful campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Black Panthers for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of destroying the American people. Without your great efforts, none of this would have been possible.

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