That's the tragedy of writing, lol. Happy stuff tends to bore. Regardless of it being a poem or a song, I think the repetition of one line over and over is still too much. I understand the need for a chorus, but it shouldn't be one line sung four times. Also, the meaning that you had intended....none of that got even close to my brain. So I'd revamp it with some more concrete references so people understand what you're saying.
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Wolverinewolfweiselpigeon said:
What's with people dying? Shit.
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