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Old 07-31-2008, 09:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
PaperHurricanesAndPlanes
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In The Realms of Poetry
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The repetitiveness doesn't work for me, however, I like the piece quite a bit other than that. The use of "s'posed" seems very out of place. The title is Binary Bluez, yet, computer is only mentioned once, which seems weird. The idea behind the poem is excellent, and I like quite a bit of this, but it needs work. Can't wait for draft 2.
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What's with people dying? Shit.
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