I actually like it quite a bit, it seems a bit choppy(bad adjective, sorry) so it could use some work on smoothness. good metaphors and such. I wouldnt change the plot at all the only thing that needs work is the smoothness.
__________________
A soul in tension thats learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Cant keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit
|