Quote:
Originally Posted by TheCaster
Haha you know you love that terminology. But im having an unusually hard time making it flow... Suggestions on making it better are good too.
The crevices:
Whats going through your head
Your falling in
Just because they jump
doesnt mean you have to follow
Have you been cleansed
or is there dirt underneath your nails
the crevices are closing in
hold them back
or you'll fall in
The pigs are off the cliff
leaving you alone
to decide for yourself
Will you jump or follow me?
the red ant in the millions of black
will you stand out? or blend in
the crevices are closing in
hold them back
or you'll fall in
NEW ENDING:
When the time comes
and they all decide to fold
Its your decision to make
Time is running short
Find the light
the crevices have closed
its too late
you've fallen in
|
It's kind of rough to tell how lyrical the flowiness of the lyrics sound by just reading them, a person can flowy out syllables any number of ways.
If you could only write two lines to say everything you want to say about the subject of this song what would they be?
I know of the top of my head one line it made me think of was-
-We got lemons and we got lemmings-
another
-There's a comfort in conforming and it's at the bottom of a cliff-
Try just writing it all in two lines though and see what you get.
If you're just asking from a traditional writing stand point, you've got the three act verse thing going on...although maybe the second and third should be switched.