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Old 04-29-2007, 11:09 AM   #6 (permalink)
IrishWhiskey
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: new jersey
Posts: 48
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Keep up the writing, it'll get much better with time

Remember not everything has to rhyme, even if they're lyrics. It looks like some of the stuff is sort of forced in this piece. I'm assuming that you're relatively new to writing poems/songs, and I'm going to be honest and say that it's not the best poem I've ever heard. You have some nice lines in there-- "I was the one you'd love on your deathbed" "Spell it out, why don't you see" -- I liked those two a lot, but the rest of the poem needs some work. There's some talented writers on this forum, take a look at their stuff and take tips from their styles and the comments people left on their works.

Look over other people's poems, try to take people's advice, and just go with it. Every poem isn't a winner, we all know that... but just keep with it and you'll get much better. /thumbsup
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