Everyone is sheiting on it, Iw would usually too... But I'll cut you some slack and give some tips.
you left me for another guy,
without a trace of guilt.
our love was just a lie,
and i just want to die.
You get mad at her, and then you are sad. If she didn't like you anymore, why should she show guilt? And if she has done wrong, why die yourself? Try adding more syllabeled words. Not just babys-first-words, if you get what I mean.
i lie on this freezing ground,
Why the **** are you laying on a freezing ground? It's a cliche metaphor for pain, and it simply doesn't work.
crying more and more.
This doesn't even sound like correct English, where is the emotion? This is just observation of a situation as a child would do it.
these tears arent for decoration,
I somehow like this line, if only the rest of the lyrics were good, it could work!
my girlfriends a whore.
She just didn't like you anymore, that doesn't make her a whore. Pick, mad, or sad. Not mixture, you have to be consequent darling.
you were with him long enough,
you carried on your bluff.
This doesn't make sense, bluff? How is her being with another guy bluff?
i wished i had'nt found out,
and avoided this painful bout.
Again, you change emotion, you get mad, and sad, and now desperate to be naive. How would not nowing make her less a whore, or make you feel better in the long run?
i lie here wishing to dissapear,
Ok, yeah, use a line used in 193242900 other songs why don't you?
to carry this burden no more.
She did wrong, you didn't. It's not a burden for you.
The song basically sucks, but maybe if you try better next time?
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I rocked my shoelaces untied
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