sleepy jack

I'll full on critique this proper when I get a chance, first notice something that bothers me about your writing a bit is (I may have you confused with someone else) but how you do this.

Its infected just like a black widows bites,
A bite that kills your mind,

You use bites, then use it again describing what it does, bites in this case. I just think it looks cheesy, maybe try "Its infected like a black widows bite killing your mind" or something?

Thats just my opinion on it, this is probaly one of those I just dislike it cause it bugs me sort of things that other people might like.

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