This is hard to critique in the fact that, technique wise - it's all over the map. Starting off with the stretching verses - I would have to hear the music in order to make that kind of connection. The writing is eloquent, of course, but what is the song about, really? The rhyming scheme works, and you made so very clever and creative choices on making that work. The only thing I can say for now is a more consistent format... stanza wise... like I said, it's all over the map. And... what is the song about again? If you told me I might be able to give it another run through and see what could be fixed and what is perfect. Me having to ask tells you something though... but then again that's just preference- I'm a fan of clear cut story and nothing too ambiguous
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