Music Banter - View Single Post

~~Rebirth~~ · 06-27-2006, 08:22 AM

I don't like this line: "Unless the DJ shoved a pick-axe through its head."

Isn't a DJ a person? And the simile isn't an effective one because it's too descriptive. And what the hell is "borderlining," besides a weird made-up word?

Overall it's great though, and probably took longer than a few hours to come up with.

And did you purposely use the first, second and third person? It's a bit strange.

06-27-2006, 08:22 AM	#2 (permalink)
~~Rebirth~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 7	I don't like this line: "Unless the DJ shoved a pick-axe through its head." Isn't a DJ a person? And the simile isn't an effective one because it's too descriptive. And what the hell is "borderlining," besides a weird made-up word? Overall it's great though, and probably took longer than a few hours to come up with. And did you purposely use the first, second and third person? It's a bit strange.