it's not too bad, just might be too literal. maybe try and think of ways to express the same message in a more subtle way, or create the scene without saying word for word exactly what happened.
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What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways
Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.
HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER
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