"AP-OL-O-GIES. YOUR TAB-LE WILL BE AN-OTH-ER HALF HOUR. WE ARE VE-RY BU-SY TO-NIGHT. PLEASE AC-CEPT THESE AP-PET-IS-ERS WITH THE COM-PLI-MENTS OF THE MAN-AGE-MENT!"
Title of episode: “The Escape”
Title of Serial: The Daleks
Part: 3 of 7
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companion(s): Susan Foreman, Ian Chesterton, Barbara Wright
Written by: Terry Nation
Original air date: January 4 1964
Into the new year, and the first new year for baby Trollheart as I celebrated my sixth month on this planet. Interesting to think I was kind of born at the same time as the Daleks. Maybe that’s why I have this irrepressible urge to
EXTERMINATE! EXT - sorry, sorry. I’m taking the pills, honestly I am. You believe me, don’t you? Of course you do. Anyway, third episode ahoy and we find Susan shivering alone in the TARDIS as the doors open for some reason and the great god Thor bangs his hammer in the sky and sets her nerves on edge. I thought she was supposed to be a well-travelled space alien girl, to whom nipping back to the French Revolution to pick up a few croissants for breakfast and then dashing back to the sixteenth century to rob Henry VIII’s dinner was commonplace? And she’s afraid of a little thunderstorm? Maybe it’s that she’s always had her grandfather around, but come on: she’s not a kid. Got to cut the apron strings sometime. Though preferably not while he’s dangling over a cliff and the apron is the only thing you can grab to hold on to him.
She certainly does Frightened Girl Alone 101 very well, then suddenly there’s a man looking down at her, and she sinks to her knees. Maybe she’s going to give him a blow…. By blow account of her situation I was going to say! What’s wrong with you people? Just the one thing on your mind. I don’t know. The guy tells her not to be afraid (bit late for that, sunshine! Think she’s already wet herself. That is, if she’s lucky, that’s all she’s done!) and looks to be a big fan of seventies Genesis, dressed as he is in some sort of flower getup.
A flower? BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM! If you go down to Willow Farm … Sorry, in-joke for Genesis and prog nerds there. He tells her that it was he who left the drugs for her (oh, so he’s a pusher, is he? Just say no, Susan! No, not No don’t kill me!) and that she must take them immediately as she is in great danger. No doubt he’ll start a tab for her; he’ll find some way for her to pay back her debt ho ho. Maybe he needs his garden weeded. Um.
Enough of my drivel. Let’s get on with this drivel. Plant Boy tells her he knows there are four of them - he’s been stalking, sorry watching them (well, with all that plant stuff and leaves and what not, maybe he is stalking - all right I’ll stop now) and she tells him the others are held captive by the Daleks in the city. It’s news to Plant Boy that the Daleks survived, and surely not good news, as they were, presumably, the enemy his people were fighting against. I assume he’s a Thall. He hands over more drugs to Susan and NYPD appear from behind a rock and - no? Ah. Well, have it your own way. But drugs ruin lives, you know. Next scene Susan is back in the city of the Daleks. Well, that was quick. And where’s Plant Boy? Not a sign of him. Thought he was her bud? Sorry. Guess he had to leave. Sorry again.
There’s the usual air of doom and gloom back in the city. I mean, yeah, I know they’ve been captured by Daleks, who will in time give wiping out every living race in the galaxy the old college try, but the defeatism here is nauseating. All they’re missing is a motivational speech from Arnold J. Rimmer, something perhaps along the lines of, oh I don’t know, “We’re finished!”? The sneaky Daleks have been dropping the eaves, the little tinkers, and hear all about how a catastrophe with their crops could wipe out the Thalls. Don’t think they’ll be arranging any airlifts or mercy runs though. Oh look! A Dalek waiter! Don’t tip the bastard. After having given them food and water, the Dalek tells them Susan must come with it, as they are (chortle) going to help the (sn
igger) Thalls as she (guffaw!) asked. Oh these people are too naive for words!
"We can't perform interpretive dance in this tiny box! How would we all fit?"
Meanwhile, back TARDIS-side, it’s a case of
Guys and Thalls (sorry) as a whole scatter of them, male and female in very tight or revealing outfits, crowd around the time machine and discuss how they might be able to open a dialogue between them and the Daleks. Sorry pal: Dalek dictionary is the shortest book in existence. Just one word. You know the one. I guess the thing is they haven’t seen the Daleks since the war (sure I’d hardly know ya!) and it seems they have changed but I guess we’ll hear all about that. Plant Boy is apparently called Hard-on, sorry Alydon, and his boss seems mightily pleased with himself. Well I suppose you would too, if you had a bevy of scantily-clad beauties flocking around you. BBC must really have been strapped for cash in the budget for female outfits. Very sad.
Hard-on’s leader asks him how old Susan is, and the Plant Boy replies “Oh, no longer a child, not yet a woman.” I suppose if Britney had access to a TARDIS of her own she could go back and retroactively sue him for copyright infringement? Seems Hard-on’s Thall babe is a bit pissed that he’s been flirting with the time traveller girl, but he declares “We’re all working towards the same end!” This tickles one of the other guys, who grins “Now
there’s a double meaning for you!” Also a double meaning, I feel, is when the leader tells Hard-on that Dyoni, his bit of tail, sorry Thall, sees her future in him, and he does not answer (though I bet he wants to) yeah I see my future in her too! Dirty beggar. She is hot though. A real improvement on cave women. And Daleks. Subtext that says the two of them are engaged.
The Bells are Ringing, for Me and My Thall? Sorry again,
Susan, surely to her chagrin, finds she travelled across time and space to an alien planet and is doing homework, as the Daleks dictate their (chortle again) offer to the Thalls. Luckily enough for them, the notorious “Exterminate-them-all Eddie” has been securely locked away, or their cunning plan would be blown. I think the Dalek on the left there is thinking
“A SEC-RET-AR-Y! JUST WHAT THE DA-LEKS NEED! ASK HER FOR REF-ER-EN-CES!” Or maybe not. That’s probably the one who says, after Susan and the others have staged an argument in order to get the speaker/mic thing that the Daleks are using to listen in on them,
“DO YOU THINK IT WAS BRO-KEN AC-CI-DENT-AL-LY?” Daleks can’t roll their eyes (don’t have them) but you get the impression from the other one of
“NINE-TEEN THOU-SAND DA-LEKS TO CHOOSE FROM AND I GET THIS JOK-ER TO WORK WITH! WHAT GODS HAVE I OF-FEND-ED?”
Finally, after seven episodes, the Doctor has an idea! Hold on, strap yourselves in! It’s gonna be a bumpy ride! He realises the Daleks are like, um, dodgems, and are operated by electricity. Great. So just wait till they fail to pay the next electricity bill and we’re good, right? Ian though works out that the cloak Hard-on gave Susan is made of some insulating material, and since the floors are all metal and the Doctor believes the Daleks are using static electricity to move (don’t touch one then: might get a nasty shock!) they can use this to stop them when they enter their cell. All sounds a little iffy to me, but then, what about this is not iffy? Certainly the stupid Thalls, who make a very good case for extinction of the less intelligent, as they fall hook, line and, um, petal for the Dalek’s kind RSVP and a message that there is food waiting for them just outside the city, and pay no attention to that huge mousetrap-looking device - you wouldn’t believe the rat problem in this city.
"BEND OV-ER! YOU WILL NOW BE PROBED!"
The escape plan is very hi-tech indeed: stop the door closing by jamming the listening device thing under it, then when the Dalek comes back sighing internally
“WHAT THE FUCK IS IT NOW? I HAVE SOME IMP-ORT-ANT EX-TER-MIN-AT-ING TO DO!" they splatter muck from Susan’s boots over its lens to blind it and then push it onto the coat so that its electricity supply is cut off. Ian is a bit careless as the Dalek’s “gun” as they call it pushes right up against his chin: if the Dalek panics and fires he’s going to look a lot less attractive to Barbara without a head! Or, maybe not. I winder why his first instinct was to go for the long hard rigid thing sticking up out of the Dalek, hmmm? Probably coincidence. Yes, yes I'm sure there's nothing in it. You sort of have to feel for the Dalek as it wails
“GET A-WAY FROM ME! GET A-WAY FROM ME!” the voice rising stridently, giving a good impression of someone crapping themselves. Ah, poor thing!
"Here's mud in your eye, pal!"
They get a can-opener and pop the Dalek’s lid off (well, they open it anyway) and then scoop out the insides (oh come on now! We all know by now what’s inside a Dalek, and they just dump it out? What about the sanctity of human life? Daleks not human you say? You’ve just got all the answers today, don’t you?) Well Ian then becomes the first human to sit inside a Dalek - other than the guys who operate them for the show I guess - but since he can’t find the clutch they’re reduced to pushing him along like some sort of child’s toy. Kind of a metaphor for the whole show really at this point. Ludicrous isn’t a strong enough word. Well, as they probably say on this planet, Th-Th-Thall folks!
Sorry. I’m so very sorry.
Comments
Okay well it’s pretty damn stupid to think a Dalek can be put out of commission like one of the bumpers at Funderland (if you’re Irish) or Alton Towers or the amusement park of your choice. I mean, these things aren’t just wound up and let go. The explanation as to how they move is beyond stupid: “They must have mastered static electricity!” declares the Doctor. Wait, what? How does that work again? Ian points out that if, as the Doctor believes, the Daleks are just hi-tech dodgems that can and will kill you, where is the thingy with the sparks that always sticks out of the back of the dodgem and is used to move the thing along? Sorry for the technical jargon, but if a job is worth doing well…
I suppose if you accept this was meant to be a children’s programme, they could probably get away with half-baked logic like that, but it don’t wash with me, son. Still, at least there’s something happening this episode, instead of everyone just sitting around wondering what to do and/or screaming hysterically (some of the women are as bad) and we do get a decent amount of Dalek action, so that’s not bad. I like it when they talk to each other; get the idea that two of them are thinking
WHO WAS EX-TER-MIN-AT-ED AND LEFT YOU IN CHARGE? I COULD HAVE BEEN LEAD-ER IF I HAD GONE TO THE PROP-ER DA-LEK SCHOOL LIKE SOME I COULD MEN-TION!
The Thalls though remind me of that dance troupe off Top of the Pops, Pan’s People, and it’s really hard to take them seriously. I kind of hope the Daleks do exterminate them. Anyone who trusts a Dalek deserves to die. Point of interest to nobody but myself, but one of the Thalls is played by Philip Bond, who was Albert Fraser in
The Onedin Line. There, I told you it was of interest to nobody but me. It’s quite funny when Ian gets into the Dalek - how can he fit? The things are far too small! - and starts talking in the Dalek voice. Hilarious when they have to push him: how long is that going to fool his fellow Daleks? And what about the poor old actual Dalek creature left behind under the leafy cloak Hard-on was wearing?
Where’s me shell? he’s surely thinking:
Bloody City of the Dead! No wonder crime is going up! Bet that’s Exterminate-everything Eddie again! One shell not enough for ya dude?
Diagnosing the Doctor
It has to be said that he actually starts to earn his keep this episode, as he’s the one who discovers how the Daleks work, though to be fair that’s about all he does. Oh, and he engages in the mock fight to allow them to knock down the listening device thing, but then, they all do that. I’d say he’s making a little more use of himself here, but still not very much. It’s hard to see him as anything else than a passenger here. If you didn’t know the show, I think you would ask “why did they bring the old guy along?” He really mostly just gets in the way, and I guess in the end this must have been seen as a valid concern, as future Doctors (sorry) were all much younger, and have in fact I think got younger throughout the regenerations. I suppose as he’s required to be a bit more of an action hero now and less of a doddery old professor pointing things out, the old guy didn’t cut it any more. Besides, the kids would need someone they could relate to.
Doctor: First (William Hartnell) - S01E07 - 10/100 (At least he’s out of negative figures)
Charting the Companions
It’s really the trio that move the episode along, considerably easier than they end up moving Ian in the Dalek. Ian is full of good ideas, consulting with the Doctor, Susan meets the Thalls (but not the Little Fockers, at least not yet) and acts as the go-between for them and the Daleks, and even Barbara’s grey matter is working this week, as she taps the mud off Susan’s shoe in order to blind the Dalek. Ah, teamwork eh? And let’s not forget Ian in the Dalek. By the way, surely it would have made more sense for Susan, as the smallest, to go inside the shell? Oh sorry I forgot: girls didn’t do that sort of thing in 1963. Most undignified and not at all ladylike.
Susan: 25/100
Ian: 15/100
Barbara: 5/100