We've got a lot to get through, so let’s get started.
Major League Norse:
LOKI
Although depicted as Thor’s half-brother by Marvel Comics, there seems to be no evidence, nor even any suggestion of this in the
Prose Edda, the principal source of Norse mythology. Loki is an outsider, sometimes visiting, sometimes staying in Asgard, but more usually consorting with the likes of the fire giants or the ice giants, copulating to make monsters with his monstrous wife, and plotting the downfall of the gods. He veers from trickster to mortal enemy of the gods, but is fated to battle against them in the Twilight of the Gods,
Ragnarok, the final showdown.
Loki personifies the entire spectrum of what is, or was, seen as, for want of a more accurate catchphrase, bad. He could be jokingly mischievous like a clown or jester, playing tricks on the gods and thereby confirming his status as a figure we see in many, though not all, mythologies, the eternal trickster. Small, practical jokes that often enrage the one upon whom the joke is perpetrated (usually Thor, god of Thunder) but generally amuse the rest of the gods, to larger, often unwelcome ones that put the citizens of Asgard ill at ease, and make them wonder just how far Loki will go. But Loki goes to the other extreme too, flying into rages, plotting revenge against and cursing the gods, forsaking their company to spend his time with frost giants and other beings, and planning the downfall of his brothers and sisters.
You can’t say Loki is not evil - he is, without doubt - but at least in the initial stages of the legends he is the acceptable face of evil, the one lightening the mood and kicking the often stiff gods up the arse, relieving the otherwise staid, aloof superiority of the gods. In many legends he is friendly to Thor, even accompanying him on quests and journeys, possibly where Stan Lee got the idea to make him Thor’s half-brother, though he is in fact no relation at all. There is some belief that he may have been a “blood brother” of Odin, though what that means in terms of actual family I’m unsure; it does seem to secure for him the protection of the All-Father though. Like many jesters, or men taken as such, Loki is wise and cunning, and somewhat in the mould of Professor Moriarty he generally uses his wit for evil, or at least mischief. He is somewhat shunned and jeered at by the gods because he was born of a giant.
This giant was called Farbauti, and his wife was either Nal or Laufey. Why Loki was not then a giant, given that both his parents came from that race, is unclear, but he is in fact a handsome, charming youth who can bedazzle the ladies with his wit and easy manner, and his disdain for and rejection of authority. He is the original “bad boy”, the James Dean of the Norse pantheon, and he does all the things we want to do but dare not to. He flouts authority, he laughs at the gods and he has no fears whatever of playing tricks on them. He does not consider them his friends, rather, people he can go to when he tires of the ice caves, but he knows he is always seen as an outsider, and part of him hates his fellow gods for that. He will eventually be driven to make a choice, and will choose to stand against the gods, endeavouring to bring about their ruin, and succeeding.
Loki has five children, three born of his wife Angrboda, an ogress (female ogre). Two of these are not human, in the terms that the gods are human. One is a huge serpent called Jormungand, also known as the World Serpent, whose coils encircle the world. Another is Fenrir, a giant wolf who is fated to fight against the gods at
Ragnarok, the fall of the gods, while his third is the only human one, and perhaps the most dangerous. Hel is goddess of death, ruler of the Underworld, and she hates the other gods with a passion, perhaps because they revile and insult her father. Loki is also married to Sigyn, who lives in Asgard, the abode of the gods, and by her he has two children, Narfi and Vali.
It’s possibly true to say that Loki is the most powerful of the gods, in terms of what he can do, although power naturally rests in the hands of Odin the All-Father, whose rule is unchallenged. But each god is a little like today’s superheroes: they have one, two or three “special powers” and that's it really. Loki can change both his form and his sex, becoming a man or woman, or even an object, but his greatest power surely lies in his quick mind, which is able to devise schemes the gods could not even dream of, his intellect allowing him to evade capture and escape prisons others of the gods would have been hard-pressed to free themselves from, and his somewhat fluid relationship with the denizens of Asgard making him an outsider also allows others outside the city to trust him and work with him, such as dwarfs, giants and ogres, all of whom would have had good reason to stay out of the way of the Aesir.
The tale of Loki’s imprisonment and punishment is pretty graphic. Enraged after the trickster god had gone too far and caused the death of the beautiful Balder, gentlest of the gods (a tale we will relate in full another time) the gods chase him till they finally catch him. His son Vali tries to defend his father but the gods turn him into a wolf, who then turns on his brother, Marfi and kills him. The gods take Narfi’s intestines and fashion ropes to bind Loki and fasten him to a rock, soon after causing the innards to change into iron. The goddess Skade then places a venomous serpent above him, so that its poison will drip down onto Loki’s face. His faithful wife Sigyn remains with him in the cave in which he has been bound, holding a cup to catch the drops of venom. Every so often, though, she has to empty the full vessel and during those few moments Loki is scalded again by the snake’s venom.
MINOR LEAGUE: NORSE
FIMAFENG
Sucks to be a servant, eh? You can get in trouble by not doing your job, which is fair enough, but this poor guy got the short end of the stick for doing his too well! Just can't win, you know? The life of a servant is not exactly filled with adventure and quests, and things did not end well for poor Fimafeng! When the god of the sea, the giant Aegir held a great banquet in honour of the gods, the amount of praise Fimafeng and his compatriot Eldir received from the gods was too much for Loki, who, in a jealous fit, stabbed the servant to death, and was as a consequence expelled from the great hall.
MAJOR LEAGUE: GREEK
HADES*
Also known as Pluto, or Aides, he was the dark, grim god of death and the underworld, and ruled supreme there. He was a son of Rhea, and like his brothers Zeus and Poseidon, demanded a share of the Earth following the overthrow of Kronos. The three siblings cast lots, and to Hades fell the world below. He was probably less than pleased with the outcome - his domain was a bleak one: the five rivers running along its environs were named Styx, Acheron (the river of eternal woe), Pyriplegethon (the stream of fire), Kokytos (the river of weeping and wailing) and Lethe (the river of forgetfulness). Once someone had passed over into the realm of Hades, there was no return (except in the case of Orpheus). Nonetheless, he had a kingdom, of sorts, and in many ways it was perhaps more powerful, important and permanent than that inherited by his two brothers (Zeus, the sky and Poseidon the sea). Besides, he was probably unwilling to challenge his two brothers in what would be an uneven battle, and certainly he would have been weary (as would they all) having just defeated their father and the other Titans in a ten-year war.
Charon, the aged boatman of the dead, ferried the souls of the departed across the river Styx, which flowed into Hades, and once there they were received by Hades and his wife, Persephone. The lord of the dead had carried off Persephone from the world above, smitten with her beauty and deaf to the cries of her mother, Demeter. Indeed, when Demeter finally found her daughter, Persephone explained that she had eaten of a pomegranate that Hades had given her, and could never return to the upper world. Demeter would challenge this and change the bargain, but more on that later.
For Hades, any colour will do as long as it’s black. He dresses in black, lives in a black, or at least dark and gloomy kingdom, rides in a black chariot pulled by four black horses. He is, however, paradoxically it would seem at first, the god of riches. This is because all precious stones lie beneath the earth, and Hades is master of all things underground, so it’s actually a fairly logical premise. He sits on his black throne in the underworld with Persephone by his side and judges the souls of the dead. He was not an evil god, as such, but was possessive of his subjects and devoted to ensuring nobody ever escaped his realm. As a result of this he seldom left it, preferring to sit in brooding silence on his dark throne while events above him unfolded without his interest or participation.
It was not a good idea to cross him, as both Sisyphus and Pirithous found out to their cost. The idea of “cheating death” threw him into vengeful rages, and he could be quite inventive in the punishments he would dole out. Of which - you guessed it - we’ll be hearing more of later.
*
This refers to the god; the realm he ruled will be discussed in a separate entry
MINOR LEAGUE: GREEK
PHAETON
Ah, kids. What can you do about their high-spiritedness, eh? When Phaeton, boasting to his friends that he was - as was true - the son of Helios, the sun god, and being challenged by those friends to provide proof, went to his mother, Clymene, she did what most mothers do in this situation, and passed the buck. “Sod off to Olympus and ask your father,” she snapped, probably. “I’m busy. You think oceans look after themselves? It’s not all roses being a sea nymph, you know!”
So off he went, heading up to the sacred mountain, where his father, Helios, relaxing after another hard day driving his chariot across the sky to provide sunlight and warmth, was surprised to see his sprog. Trying to reassure the kid, he asked him what proof he needed, and Phaeton asked for the keys of the family car, as it were. Helios, like any parent, was dubious about letting the youngster loose with his pride and joy and tried to convince him it was a non-starter. Here; this guy Ovid does it much better than I do.
"The first part of the track is steep, and one that my fresh horses at dawn can hardly climb. In mid-heaven it is highest, where to look down on earth and sea often alarms even me and makes my heart tremble with awesome fear. The last part of the track is downwards and needs sure control. Then even Tethys herself, who receives me in her submissive waves, is accustomed to fear that I might dive headlong. Moreover, the rushing sky is constantly turning, and drags along the remote stars, and whirls them in rapid orbits. I move the opposite way, and its momentum does not overcome me as it does all other things, and I ride contrary to its swift rotation. Suppose you are given the chariot. What will you do? Will you be able to counter the turning poles so that the swiftness of the skies does not carry you away? Perhaps you conceive in imagination that there are groves there and cities of the gods and temples with rich gifts. The way runs through the ambush, and apparitions of wild beasts! Even if you keep your course, and do not steer awry, you must still avoid the horns of Taurus the Bull, Sagittarius the Haemonian Archer, raging Leo and Lion's jaw, Scorpio's cruel pincers sweeping out to encircle you from one side, and Cancer's crab-claws reaching out from the other. You will not easily rule those proud horses, breathing out through mouth and nostrils the fires burning in their chests. They scarcely tolerate my control when their fierce spirits are hot, and their necks resist the reins. Beware, my boy, that I am not the source of a gift fatal to you, while something can still be done to set right your request!"
Yeah. That told him. Except, of course, it didn’t. Like any youth of that age, Phaeton thought he knew better. He was well able for his father’s chariot. Just let him at it! Imagine what those friends of his would say when they stared, open-mouthed, as he streaked across the sky, pulling the sun! But the horses, unused to the much smaller lad in the chariot, got spooked and took off at a hell of a lick, tearing across the sky and, according to one account, ascending so high into the firmament that the very Earth stopped spinning, time standing still. Then as Phaeton got a grip on the reins, which he had dropped when the horses went wild, they plunged downwards instead, scorching the earth, drying up the land and the rivers as they crossed Africa, and burning the skin of the people so that it turned black.
Eventually Zeus (though most accounts say Jupiter; same god really) had to intervene, sending a thunderbolt which knocked Phaeton out of the chariot and sent him falling to his death. The chariot, presumably, returned to Helios, who was so grief-stricken that he sued for compassionate leave, not wanting to drive the chariot right now. But the sun must rise, and make its journey across the sky, so back to work he had to go.
Phaeton’s epitaph read:
Here Phaethon lies who in the sun-god's chariot fared. And though greatly he failed, more greatly he dared.
Perhaps a more fitting one would have been, don’t ask for the keys before you know how to drive the car, son.
TROLLHEART’S CHOICE: POLYNESIAN MYTHOLOGY
I’ve always enjoyed the exploits of what are generally termed “trickster gods”, sometimes even not seen necessarily as gods but as kind of cultural folk heroes; the kind of figures that mock all we hold sacred, to quote Victor Hugo, thumb their noses at ghosts, and just generally go through their lives doing whatever they want and having a good time, often while accidentally or not making the world, or parts of it, as they go. This guy has always intrigued me.
MAUI
With his name given to one of the islands of Hawaii, Maui is the trickster/creator god of Polynesia, revered and tales of him recounted from New Guinea to Hawaii. It is said that he was born when his mother put on a man’s loincloth and gave birth to a fetus, which she then wrapped in her topknot and sent out to sea. Once born, he fished up the entire islands of Polynesia with a magic hook from the sea. The story goes that his older brothers would never allow Maui to accompany them on their fishing trips, so one day he stole aboard their canoe and hid himself. He had brought with him a hook made from a jawbone his grandmother had given him, which he enchanted. When he judged the canoe to be too far out to sea for his brothers to try to return him to land, he emerged from his hiding place and began to fish. As his brothers, disgruntled at his stowing away (and probably also at their having been fooled) would not give him any bait he struck himself on the nose and baited the hook with his own blood. I suppose you could postulate then that Polynesia was born of blood?
In the Hawaiian myths, it is of course the islands of Hawaii that Maui fishes up, but there is an additional twist. Given that all the islands are seen to be fish being pulled up out of the water by Maui and his brothers, the story here goes that the brothers were not doing so well fishing and Maui told them that if they allowed him to go with them they would have a greater haul. They did so, and indeed got a huge catch, but as they strained to bring it in Maui warned them not to look back. One of them did, the fishing line snapped, and so there are less islands to Hawaii than there should have been.
Curious as to where fire came from, Maui went for the direct approach and extinguished all the fires of the people in his village. When his mother, fearing her people would freeze, sent him to the goddess of fire, Mahuika, who lived in a cave on a mountain of fire, she gave Maui one of her burning fingernails, but he dropped it and it went out. She gave him another, and it suffered the same fate. After several of her fingernails had been wasted in this way Mahuika lost her temper and threw fire at the trickster. Pursued by the flames, he called out to Tāwhirimātea, the god of weather, who extinguished the fire with rain. Frustrated and angry, Mahuika threw her last burning fingernail at Maui but it missed and instead lodged in a tree. With the power of creating fire now contained in these trees, Maui collected branches and twigs from them, and brought them back to show his people how to make fire by rubbing them together.
Annoyed at how quickly the sun travelled across the sky, leaving his people no time to eat or work before it set, Maui decided to slow it down, and with his brothers travelled to the east, to the pit where Tama-nui-te-rā , the sun god, slept during the night. They tied a noose around the cave and forced the god, by repeated blows of Maui’s enchanted jawbone over his head, to slow down or they would not release him. Tama-nui-te-rā agreed, and the sun was set in its proper course.
Although he enjoyed listening to the beautiful song of the birds, Maui was upset that nobody else could see them, and so he used his power to make the birds appear so that all could enjoy their song and see their wonderful plumage. Maui also lifted up the heavens, when it became clear that it was too low down on the horizon and was causing difficulties for his people.
Maui’s trickster nature turned out to be his undoing though, as he tried to be too smart. Wishing to lie with the goddess of night, Hine-nui-te-pō, and hoping to make mankind immortal, Maui entered her vagina as a worm, intending to exit via her mouth while she slept, but was crushed by the obsidian teeth in her vagina. Urgh!
Not a nice way to go!